Sleep to Dream Her
by ElleLaw
Summary: Casey Novak has been living her life in regret, however, the day she decides to change it her world gets turned upside down. Finally seeing the world through new eyes, she begins down a path of self discovery leading her to the road she was always meant to take. Blitz and Elle creation.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, everyone, don't hate me for starting this before finishing A Thousand Years. I have just encountered major writers block with it. I have it planned, I just can't seem to write it. So, to make it up to you, here is the Carolish story. Sit back and enjoy, this is going to be a slow burn. :) Blitz and I have put lots of work into this one, so we hope you enjoy it! Things you should know ahead of time, the story line does not follow the SVU story line. Also, the Charlie I envision in my head is a lot like Jeffery Dean Morgan. :)**

 **Also, I am about to have three months of nothing to do, so you all should be getting plenty of updates!**

* * *

 **"On the sheet I see your horizon,  
All of me pressed onto you.  
But in this light you look like Poseidon,  
I'm just a ghost you walk right through."  
**

 **All of Me Wants All of You by Sufjan Stevens**

The clicking of heels was all that could be heard, as one red headed executive district attorney made her way from the elevator to the front exit of the Manhattan District Attorney's office. The woman stood tall and thin as she worked her way down the hallway, the old polished terrazzo flooring taking a beating with each quick step she took, as she marched towards the front guard. She was spent and ready to be home; ready for a hot bath and a tall glass of wine. This week had proven to be her hardest in months and it was all thanks to her new assistant district attorney.

Nearing the front guard, the pale skinned redhead nodded, "Hey Murray, is my cab waiting?"

The older graying black man spoke in his deep southern gentleman accent, "Right out front, Ms. Novak."

Smiling at the sweet man that she thought of like family, she took his hand and squeezed, "Murray, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Casey?"

"You can keep telling me till I am long and buried, Ms. Novak, but it isn't ever going to change." He replied with a gruff laugh.

"You take such great care of me, you know that, right?" She laughed, the green of her eyes finally sparking up, causing the old man to grin.

"I sure do."

Giving him one last soft smile, she patted the top of his hand, "You are like family to me. Call me Casey, please."

"Never gonna happen," he smirked. All she could do was playfully roll her eyes and smile, as she turned to leave. "Goodnight, Ms. Novak."

"Goodnight, Mr. Davis," she replied with a wink.

Stepping out into the dark misty rain the early fall had brought with it, Casey felt the happy feelings Murray had ignited in her begin to extinguish. Every step towards the cab caused her heart to ache as her mind drilled in what home meant. Another faked smile, another unrequited, 'I love you,' then another chaotic morning before returning to the painful office situation she now found herself in. Sighing as her hand took the cold wet metal handle of the cab, she pulled it open and climbed inside.

Letting out a sigh as she buckled herself in, she said, "80 Columbus Circle, please."

The cabbie didn't say anything, he just nodded as he began driving her home. Normally, she'd drive herself, but nights she worked late she took a cab. Something about working as head prosecutor of Sex Crimes told her it was safer to let someone else drive you to the door at dark, than mess around in parking garages alone.

Feeling the acid churn up in her stomach as she neared home, Casey tried to focus on anything better; softball, favorite books, her children...but nothing worked. Letting out one more long sigh as she saw the building come into view, she looked out the rainy window next to her and looked longingly at Central Park. Six weeks ago, she walked into that park and her life changed.

"We are here, ma'am," the burly cabbie spoke in a grunt, "It's gonna be 15."

Casey nodded and passed the man a twenty, "Thank you, keep the change."

Exiting the cab she made the walk up to her building, the night doorman spotting her and quickly opening the door to let her inside, "Good evening, Ms. Novak."

"Evening, Greg," she spoke, as she solemnly made her way to the elevator. Again her heels clicked, as she walked over the marble flooring of her beautiful lobby. She couldn't help but find it slightly amusing. Normally, she didn't wear heels.

Walking inside, she pressed the button for the thirty-third floor. The painfully slow climb seemed like a sad metaphor for the state of her marriage and her constant guilt of being a crappy mother. Sometimes she just wished for an island to escape to, or a chance to go back in time and press a giant reset button, anything to wash away her sins.

As she finally arrived, she walked down the hallway to her corner apartment. Unlocking the door and stepping inside, she was quickly met by her nanny and housekeeper, Rosita. "Hey, Rosita, are the children asleep?"

"Yes, Ms. Casey. Ms. Kate went to bed about an hour ago. She tried waiting up for you, she wanted to tell you about her softball game. As for Mr. Daniel, he fell asleep in the den about two hours ago, Mr. Charlie carried him to bed,". the lovely dark haired Hispanic woman conveyed.

"Thank you," Casey replied with a weak smile. The information about her husband being home caused the acid to again churn in her stomach. He never worked late, but she may have been praying for a miracle anyway.

"It's no problem," she replied taking her coat from the front closet, "Would you like me to come early again tomorrow morning to get the kids ready for school?"

"Please, that would be so great," Casey replied too eagerly, but she didn't care at this point.

The two women exchanged their farewells and Casey locked up. Without another pause, she dropped her briefcase on the bench in the foyer and walked immediately to the bar fixing herself a three finger glass of whiskey instead of wine. If Charlie hadn't greeted her at the door then he was likely in the shower, which meant a soak in the tub was officially out.

Sipping the pungent liquid, Casey walked down the hallway, bypassing her children's bedrooms and wondering if that made her a lackadaisical mother for doing so. She loved her kids, and would happily let Kate tell her all about her softball game in the morning over coffee, but right now she wanted them to sleep. She needed them to sleep. In the morning, her mask would be fixed and she would be able to play the happy wife and mother, but now that mask was fractured and falling off. They didn't need to know the truth so young.

Nearing her bedroom, she slowed and looked at the happy family pictures that hung on their hallway walls. Pictures of her and Charlie when they were in college, their wedding, baby pictures, vacations at the beach, picnics in the park, you name it they hung on the wall before her, but they told a story different from what she felt inside. What Casey felt inside was hopelessness...

Finishing her drink, Casey deposited her glass on the kitchen counter, and walked the remaining distance to her bedroom doors. Slowly opening one, she listened for the sounds of the shower. Hearing it on, she crossed the threshold into her room and closed the door back.

Taking her time to undress and redress into her pajamas, she couldn't help but frown at herself in the mirror. Where had the once vibrant woman gone to? Where was the Casey she was supposed to be? The woman standing before her looked like nothing but a shell of a person she use to know.

Sitting on the side of the bed, she looked down at her hands, the sound of the water turning off causing her to jolt slightly. She had a chance once to change her life, to finally be the person she was meant to be, but she thought she'd been denied that life and had decided to stay in this one instead. That one choice had delivered her into this life right now that she resented so much. A life some women would kill to have, and she had it, but didn't want it.

"Hey, baby," her husband's smooth deep voice broke her train of thought. "I didn't know you came in, you should have joined me."

She could only look up and give her husband a weak smile, "Yeah."

He smiled back at her genuinely, his eyes full of love. Charlie was a tall built man, easily 6'3, with dark hair and deep brown eyes. He was easily her best friend, but that is where their views of their relationship parted.

As he dressed he began to talk, "So, I know our anniversary is coming up in a month, but since I will be in Hong Kong for work then, I thought maybe we could celebrate this weekend instead. I was thinking you and I could go to the Hamptons for the weekend, stay in a really fancy resort and maybe hit up a spa. If you don't like that idea, we can do whatever you want, I just want to do something big. It's a big deal to be married fifteen years. Am I right, or am I right?"

Charlie's words were killing her inside. Everything he said was full of love, and all she felt was sick. She couldn't go on like this another moment. She wasn't sure what gave her the courage to do what she was about to do, but she did it without little thought, which was something very un-Casey of her. "Charlie, I want to get a divorce."

As the words tumbled from her mouth, and hit her ears, she looked up at him with instant horror. He was still standing before her, so she took that as a good sign, but his next reaction was a bit more shocking. He began to dress as if he were going to work.

Casey didn't know what to take of his behavior, so she just sat and watched as he pulled on his suit pants and then followed it with his white dress shirt. It was only when he grabbed a tie that she hesitantly spoke, "Charlie?"

"What Casey?" He said as he fixed the tie around his neck and reached for his suitcase.

"What are you doing?" She whispered. Her state of shock coursing through her veins, taking over her.

His reply was curt as he began packing, "Giving you what you've wanted for so long."

"Charlie, let's talk about this..."

"There is nothing to talk about Casey!" He screamed, before rubbing his hands over his face to calm himself, "The time for talking was ten years ago, and we did that then. I thought this was past us. I should have known it wasn't, your behavior has been erratic for the last two months."

Casey couldn't help but begin crying at his words. She wanted to be strong, but she just couldn't. It was as if every emotion that had been buried inside for the last decade decided to come out all at once and it had chosen this moment. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"No, Casey, you aren't. If you were sorry, you would have changed, you would have tried for christsakes, but you never have, Casey. You have been unhappy for ten years, you think I don't see it? Do you really think I can't tell how unhappy you are in everything you do? You at least have tried to fake it, but the last two months, it's like you don't even try anymore. So, I'm done. You want a divorce then fine, you can have one." He said throwing the last of his items in his suitcase.

As he began zipping it closed, Casey snapped to, jumping quickly to her feet. "Wait, where are you going?"

"I am leaving, Casey." He said flipping the piece of luggage up and pulling the handle out as he doned his suit jacket.

"You can't! What about the kids?" She said with a hint of terror in her voice.

He didn't stop to talk, he just continued as he pulled his luggage noisily down the hallway after him. "You can care for them, Casey. It's called motherhood, you should give it a shot."

"Don't be an asshole, Charlie, you know what I mean!" She finally yelled.

As he reached the front door he shook his head. "You call me the asshole, yet, you are the one that wants a divorce. Charming." He shook his head once more to calm himself and continued, "Yeah, I do, but right now, right now I don't care what you tell them. Tell them I had to leave for Hong Kong early, or tell them the truth for once, that their mother is a whore! I don't care, Casey!"

She could see the anger building in his eyes as he pursed his lips and opened the door with a fast jolt. "I will have my attorney send you the papers. We will handle custody when I return. Goodbye, Casey."

With that, she watched her husband walk right out the door. Her mouth hung open and her eyes were wide as a slow tremble began to overtake her. Slowly, she forced herself to put one foot before the other until she stood at the door. Locking it back, she armed the alarm, and headed to bed. Right now she couldn't think about anything, right now she needed sleep. She'd figure out her life in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, I finished this one tonight, and A Thousand Years should be updated tomorrow night - Monday at the latest! I hope you enjoy. Thank you all for the amazing reviews.**

* * *

 **"It's so loud inside my head,**

 **With words that I should have said.**

 **And as I drown in my regrets,**

 **I can't take back the words I never said,**

 **I never said.**

 **I can't take back the words I never said."**

 **Words by Skylar Grey**

* * *

 _Casey lay on a lounge chair on the beach, one foot planted in the white sand below her, aimlessly playing with the fine grains, as she looked out on the water. The crystal clear blue waters were calm, and the waves that rolled in created a gentle pleasing sound. She couldn't help but feel at peace here, she'd longed for peace for far too long._

 _Feeling the cold wet glass in her hand, she noticed the pina colada, that she wasn't aware she'd been drinking, was beginning to melt. Bringing the straw to her lips, she took a long suck, moaning slightly at the sweet coconut taste mixed with pineapple. She couldn't help but think that, 'Yes, it has been far to long.'_

 _Hearing someone stir next to her, she turned her head to the right, only to find the woman she'd come very accustomed to dreaming of, a woman so far out of her reality that she didn't even bother speaking to her. If she did, she would disappear. This woman was only in her dreams. Casey Novak only slept to dream her._

 _Suddenly, without provocation the woman spoke, but Casey couldn't understand her. She could see the familiar red lips moving, although, she couldn't make out a single word. It was as if all sound stopped._

 _Feeling her heart rage in her chest, she sat up her hand between her breasts feeling the erratic beating. Looking out onto the waves, she felt desperate. Turning her head back to the woman, she instead discovered her son, Daniel l, crying, "Mommy, Mommy! Wake up!"_

Casey opened her eyes with such a start that her little boy jumped. "Mommy!"

"Hey," she groaned in her husky voice. Her bedroom was bathed in darkness, so she knew it wasn't time to get up yet. Sitting up to turn on the bedside lamp, she cringed slightly at the sudden light. "Why are you awake, buddy?"

"I had a bad dream. Where's Daddy?" The five year old asked in a shaky voice, clearly scanning the bed again as if he might find his father this time.

Casey frowned, she thought she'd have a chance to figure out her answers over a cup of coffee before she woke them. She hadn't anticipated this turnout. Sighing, she answered, "He had to leave for work. Why don't you come snuggle with Mommy?" Casey said with a slight grunt. Sleep was begging to overtake her, but she fought to wake for her child.

Now, Daniel frowned, his dark wavy hair falling forward as he ducked his head, "I guess so..."

Letting out a deep breath to channel her frustrations, Casey bent forward and tilted his chin up. Looking into his chocolate colored eyes, she swallowed hard. He looked so much like Charlie it was uncanny. "Guess what, buddy, Mommy snuggles even better than Daddy. So why don't you climb in and give it a shot?"

"But you don't let me sleep with you when Daddy is away..." He corrected.

Her son's words stung, but he was right, she didn't. Charlie was right, she had circumvented motherhood at all turns possible. She had always been ambivalent about her decision to have her daughter and that ambivalence had trickled over to her son. Shaking her head, she took a deep breath to fight the next round of tears for that night. "Well, Mommy is changing that rule right now. Climb in."

As the words left her mouth, she flipped back the bed linens and let the little boy climb up into her arms. Holding him tight, she kissed his temple and whispered, "I love you."

The little one stilled in her arms for a second and turned his head to look at her, "I love you, Mommy."

Reaching to turn the light off, she wracked her brain. Had it been awhile since she'd told her children she loved them? Maybe it just wasn't a regular event, or maybe she was guilting herself into believing these things altogether. She was certain of one thing for sure as sleep over took her and Daniel, she missed Charlie.

* * *

Thanks to Daniel joining her in bed, her morning started much earlier than usual. Moving around her bedroom, working an earring into her ear as she dressed for work, she heard the bedroom door open behind her. Swallowing thickly, she registered that Daniel sat on the couch in the sitting room that was positioned at the other corner of her bedroom, so it had to be Kate. Turning around, she saw her brunette daughter staring back, her green eyes quickly looking from Casey then through the room.

"Where's Dad?" Kate asked. She was quick on her feet like Casey. As a result, they often butted heads. The two shared many similar facial features, but her dark hair and easily tanned skin was all her father's.

"He had to leave early for Hong Kong." Casey answered.

"But he never leaves without saying goodbye," she spat giving her mother a hard stare.

"Well, they were having trouble, so he had to go early. He didn't have a choice."

"Right," she continued, "So, is Rosita taking me to my game Saturday?"

Sitting on the end of her bed, Casey slipped on her heels while she thought of an answer. She wanted to kick herself. Why the hell had she not stayed up late last night and figured out all of these answers ahead of time. "I can take you," she finally offered.

"Seriously?"

Looking up to lock eyes with her daughter, she smiled, "Yeah."

"But you always have to work."

"Well, I have a new ADA. She can take care of Saturday for me," she assured.

"Oh my god, that's awesome!" Kate beamed as she jumped on the bed to hug her.

Wrapping her arms tightly around her daughter, Casey kissed her head. "Maybe we can even hit the batting cages afterwards. I love to hit balls to let off steam."

Smiling, Kate continued, "That would be great. You missed a great game last night. I didn't miss a hit once!"

"That's great kiddo! You can show me everything this weekend." She said standing. "Let's go get breakfast. Rosita will be here in thirty minutes. Let's surprise her and be ready. She'll be so shocked!"

Turning towards her sitting area, she called, "Danny! Let's go get a good breakfast!"

* * *

Pouring her fifth cup of coffee, Casey stared out her office window. From the looks of the busy sunny streets below, you wouldn't even guess that it was a chilly 40 degrees outside. All the people rushing around made her feel dizzy, it was a side effect of her adrenaline dropping back to normal levels. It was a sickening after result.

This morning she'd felt confident which had given her a high, a high she would have normally felt in court. She'd gotten Daniel back to sleep with little effort, she'd made Kate happy about softball. Somehow she'd managed to have a smooth morning, and had the kids ready before Rosita had even arrived. She felt like she could handle single parenthood. That was all until her quiet cab ride to the office occurred.

The second she was alone, the truth of her choice last night started tumbling inside. How would she keep her kids living the life they were accustomed to? She couldn't afford taxes on the apartment she and Charlie owned, nonetheless the kids private schools. She may have a great job at the DA's office and be on track to become the District Attorney herself, but she didn't have the money Charlie had.

Charlie came from old money, and had an amazing job working for a major freight company. He bought their apartment outright when Casey told him she was pregnant with Kate and put her name on the deed along with his to show good faith after she'd come clean about her affair. A sign that he'd forgiven her. Why did he ever forgive her?

Hearing a knock at her door, she called out a weak, "Come in."

"Hey, Casey," her smooth voice carried inside Casey's office as she opened the door, "Do you have the file for the Hamilton case or is it still with Liv?"

Casey closed her eyes tight, she wanted to scream. She wanted to tell her to get out of her office and never come back. She wanted to do so much, but in that instant all she could do was remember that night six weeks ago...

* * *

 _Casey awoke to her phone ringing on the nightstand. Wiggling out from Charlie's embrace, she scooted to the side or the bed and answered the unfamiliar number. "Novak."_

 _"Casey...Casey, it's me, can you meet me in the park?"_

 _"When?" Casey asked checking the time, it was 1:30 am._

 _"Now," she asked._

 _"In the middle of the night? Are you crazy?" Casey whispered, "Can't we just talk at work?"_

 _"Casey, I have put this off for too long, and every time you see me at work you bolt in the opposite direction." She explained._

 _"Fine, I will meet you there in fifteen. Be in a well lit place please, I don't want to get attacked." Casey replied with a shake of her head before disconnecting the call._

 _Standing, she quickly dressed in workout pants, a long sleeve hooded shirt, and sneakers. As quietly as possible, she snuck out of her bedroom and out of the apartment. She didn't want to wake Charlie, she didn't want to have to answer his questions and she didn't want to lie._

 _Taking the elevator down, she told Greg she'd be right back, and ran out of the apartment building. At a full jog, she headed down the corner and across the street to Central Park, quickly spotting her sitting at a bench under a light in a very visible spot. She couldn't help but smile at her, even if she wanted to scream at her._

 _Slowing to a walk, she approached her with little hesitation. "Hello, Alexandra."_

 _The blonde woman that invaded her dreams nightly stood. "Hi, Casey."_

 _"What do you want?" She asked not beating around the bush._

 _"I'm back, I'm officially back now." Alex explained._

 _"Okay, great." Casey replied pursing her lips together. "I kind of figured that already."_

 _"I wanted to tell you. I've been trying to catch up with you since I got back. You keep brushing me off." The blonde continued to explain._

 _Casey sighed and ran her left hand through her hair tugging slightly to relieve tension. "What do you want me to say!"_

 _Alex couldn't miss the ring still on Casey's left finger. "So, you are still married..." She knew, but seeing the ring was too painful not to say it aloud._

 _"Yeah, I am." Casey said with a huff, "What was I supposed to do? Go ahead and get a divorce, sit around and raise a baby on my own, and wait for you until you maybe never came back from Witness Protection? You didn't even say goodbye! I waited around for a call from you or a note for three weeks before Charlie came back. Anything to tell me you really wanted to be with me, so tell me something, why? Why, now?"_

 _"I am sorry, Casey. Hammond wouldn't let me say goodbye. I wanted to, I really did." Alex said softly as she reached for Casey's hand._

 _Casey didn't refuse the gesture. She let Alex take her hand, and when the blonde entwined their fingers she held on tight. She couldn't help after all this time to still see the woman she loved behind those blue eyes._

 _"Please believe me, Casey, I wanted to say goodbye. I still love you. I know that might sound crazy, but I have never stopped loving you. Do you feel the same way at all?" Alex asked in a slightly trembling voice._

 _Closing her eyes and ducking her head, Casey let go and stepped back. "I can't, I'm sorry."_

 _"What do you mean you can't?"_

 _"I mean I can't be with you. I chose my life ten years ago when you left. I confessed everything to Charlie, we started over together. I can't just throw all that away now." As she spoke, tears fell from her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered before spinning on her heel and running back towards home._

* * *

Biting her lip, Casey tried to push out the memories of her arrival back home. Charlie meeting her at the door. The argument that ensued once she admitted to meeting up with Alex. His instant accusations of what would happen.

Shaking her head clear, Casey turned to face the blonde behind her. Staring into Alexandra Cabot's blue eyes, Casey said, "I need you to work Saturday. I asked Charlie for a divorce last night."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry everyone for the lack of updates these last few weeks. As I mentioned in A Thousand Years, I had surgery and wasn't able to write. Anyway, I am back in the swing of things! So, here is your very much deserved update! It's much longer to make up for the long wait! :) thank you for all your support and wonderful reviews! They keep me writing!**

* * *

 **"Nothin' is as it has been,**

 **And I miss your face like hell.**

 **And I guess it's just as well,**

 **But I miss your face like hell."**

 **Rivers and Roads by The Head and the Heart**

* * *

"You asked Charlie for a divorce?" Alex asked, hesitation laced thick in her voice. She could feel hope start to grow deep inside her.

"Yes," Casey answered flatly looking back out the window onto the busy streets. "So, I need you to work weekends for me."

"What does this mean?" The blonde asked in a whisper.

"It means that I have turned my kids lives upside down! It means the one parent that was actually worth a damn to them has left because he can't look me in the eye! It means I have to be better for them, so that I don't permanently screw them up! That's what it means, so can you work weekends or not?" She spat with a shaky voice that spoke more than her words.

Alex locked eyes with the woman she loved. She could see volumes of hurt hiding behind Casey's glassy green eyes. At that moment, her hope was snuffed out like a burning candle. With her lips pressed into a tight line she nodded before whispering, "Yes, I can work all weekends for you. Whatever you need, Casey, I am here to help you." She'd do anything for the woman standing before her.

"Thank you," the redhead choked out before turning her back to her former lover again. "Liv has the file."

"Thank you, I will go get it."

Hearing Alex vacate the office, Casey let out a deep sigh. She'd been through so much in the last few months and even more over the last twenty four hours. Moving to sit back down at her desk, she fished her cellphone out from her desk and dialed her best friend and sister-in-law, Kim Greylek.

Waiting for her to answer, Casey pulled up her banking software and tried to estimate what she and the kids could live off of monthly. Charlie would obviously pay child support, but she couldn't build their lives off of child support, she had to be realistic. Hearing the phone connect, and Kim's smooth voice cross the line in a 'hello,' she blurted, "I asked Charlie for a divorce last night."

The sound of something dropping to the floor could be heard, and Casey knew she'd gotten her best friends attention. "You did what? Is this because of Alex? Casey, you know that will only end in heart break!"

"It has nothing to do with Alex, Kim, I am just tired of living a sham." She defended.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not sure of anything, I just needed to tell someone." Casey relayed in a shaking voice.

Kim let out a long sigh. Casey knew from the sound that her sister-in-law probably had her forehead pressed to the palm of one hand, as she held the phone to her ear with the other. "I'm sorry. I just wish you'd talked this through with Owen and I first. I'm just worried about you. He will be worried about you. We will support you no matter what, and if this is what you want then we have your back, but are you absolutely sure this is what you want?"

Casey mulled the question over in her head. Asking Charlie for a divorce was something she'd thought through a decade before, but the sudden asking for it was another thing. Looking down at her left hand, at her engagement and wedding bands, Casey whispered a still shaky, "Yes."

* * *

Leaving court after her afternoon appearance, Casey headed straight back to work. Making her way to her office, she new if she left soon, she could spend the afternoon with her kids. While she had work that needed to get done, she knew deep inside it was the best choice for her children and right now she needed to not be selfish. She could stay up late tonight to finish it.

Reaching her office, she gathered the files she needed and checked her emails. If she left now she'd have probably four hours of work to pull off tonight. Sighing as she finished making responses and turned off her desk lamp, a familiar voice met her ears.

"Casey," Alex interrupted, "I wanted to know if I could help you with anything."

Letting out a long sigh, Casey turned to face the blonde. "I'm good Alex. I am headed out for the day, I just have paperwork to do tonight."

Alex could see the distance in Casey's eyes, and it pained her. However, she didn't let that hold her back. "Give me the paperwork, I can knock it out for you."

"I can handle a little paperwork, Alex," Casey huffed as she walked towards the door.

Alex didn't waste a second, she quickly grabbed the redhead's arm, "I know you can, but I am trying to help you. I figured you could rest or relax or whatever, but I thought I'd help."

Refusing to look the blonde in the eyes, Casey huffed, "You don't even know my cases, you'd being doing triple the work."

"I brushed up on all your cases earlier today. Let me do this for you. Let me help you."

Sighing, Casey finally looked into those blue eyes she spent so much time dreaming about. They were just as beautiful as she'd remembered. Alexandra Cabot had only grown more stunning over the years.

"Why are you being so nice? I haven't been so kind to you." Casey whispered.

"You know why, Casey," Alex whispered back. "Give me the paperwork. I will take care of it."

Casey didn't break eye contact as she passed over the files. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she wanted to pull the blonde into her arms. She wanted to feel Alex, kiss her, smell her perfume...but the hurt she'd caused her all those years ago was still a bleeding wound, it would take more than helping with paperwork to heal.

Swallowing thickly, Casey nodded, "Thank you," before walking out of her office. Standing in the hallway, she looked back at her former lover, "Are you coming?"

Alex had to shake her head clear. For a moment, she thought Casey was going to kiss her. She longed to hold the redhead, to tell her how she loved her, but those days were far from here. All she could do was wait and pray for another chance.

"Yes," the blonde replied softly. Walking towards the redhead, she gave her a small smile before turning and walking down the hallway.

Watching the woman she once loved walk away, Casey shook her head. Something about the way Alex moved always seemed to mesmerize her. She couldn't exactly put her finger on it, but she knew she would be haunted for the rest of the day...if not eternity.

* * *

As Alex walked to her own office, she couldn't help but remember first meeting Casey in this very building. She remembered the redhead being so young, so green, and so nervous. At the time the blonde was in charge of Sex Crimes and Casey was working her way up the ladder in White Collar. They'd met in the elevator.

 _Alex stood in the elevator, pressing the button for the doors to close with a vengeance. She'd had won in court finally. She'd won and landed herself a month long suspension. However, despite Liz Donnelly's words, she felt she'd earned justice for Sam Cavanaugh. It might not have eased her guilt for what happened to Sam, but at least it was a step in the right direction. Maybe she'd been too cocky, but Roy Barnett deserved to go to jail._

 _As the doors finally began to close, she let out a long sigh and leaned back against the wall. She needed sleep, she needed to shower, and definitely change. Laughing bitterly, she couldn't help but think she looked like a disheveled mess, maybe a month off was just what she needed._

 _However, much to Alex's dismay, right as the doors began to close a hand quickly jarred them open, with an excited, "Yes," from the other side. Frowning at the fact she'd have to wait another eternity for them to close, she looked up to lock eyes with an overly optimistic redhead._

 _"Sorry, I thought I was going to have to take the stairs in these heels. I was a little excited I caught the door." The younger redhead explained._

 _Alex forced a weak smile to her face and nodded in understanding. "It's okay, I know the feeling."_

 _A moment of silence formed between the two women as they again waited for the doors to close. In that moment, Alex took in the younger woman now in her presence. She was quite beautiful, tall and slender but clearly athletic, curious green eyes and creamy skin._

 _Finally, looking back into the redhead's eyes she knew she'd been caught. The telling smile on the younger woman's lips said she knew Alex had been checking her out. Blushing lightly, Alex spoke, "I'm Alex Cabot, I work in Sex Crimes."_

 _The redhead, nodded, "I'm Casey Novak, White Collar."_

 _"So, you are the Casey Novak. I've heard about your success there from my friend Abbie." Alex replied._

 _"Oh. Well," Casey hesitated not knowing what to say next, "Well, I am flattered. I hear you have completely changed the way Sex Crimes handles the cases. I find it fascinating."_

 _Alex couldn't help but smile. This woman had completely changed her day. "Thank you, Casey, that really means a lot."_

 _The redhead just smiled back at her, this sweet and genuine smile. Alex couldn't help but want to ask her out, but here she stood looking like a mess. As she began to weigh the possibility of the redhead saying yes or no if she asked, Casey brushed a strand of fallen hair from her eyes, it was that moment that the diamond ring and wedding band caught her eyes._

 _At the sight of the ring, "Oh, your married," slipped from Alex's lips._

 _The look of confusion and sudden sadness that filled Casey's eyes upon meeting Alex's couldn't be missed. Alex wasn't exactly sure who looked more upset by this fact, but she knew there was no need to ask her question any longer. The breathtaking woman before her would never be hers._

 _"Yes, I am," Casey replied softly._

 _Again the pair fell into silence, just staring into each other's eyes. As the elevator came to a stop and the doors began to open, Casey's loose lock of hair fell back into her eyes. Alex didn't hesitate to walk up, and softly tuck the hair behind the redhead's ear as she never broke eye contact._

 _"He is a very lucky man," she whispered before turning and walking out of the lift._

As the memory faded, Alex could feel her heart pounding in her chest. There had always been something magical about Casey to her. From that first meeting, till they were reunited nearly three years later when she'd been brought back to testify against Liam Conners. In a way, she'd always been drawn to Casey, always wanted her. She was in love with her and always would be...

* * *

Casey drove her car home that afternoon, which quickly reminded her how much she disliked driving in the city. There was always traffic and navigating home to the park always turned out to be more of a nightmare than anything else. As she finally pulled into her underground garage, she was shocked that she managed to make it home at a surprising four o'clock.

Making her way from the garage up to her apartment, Casey's mind began to wonder on the elevator. As her thoughts traveled, she couldn't help but think about Alex. She thought about how amazing she'd looked today and everyday, how she longed to make the blonde smile and laugh. That thought alone made her mind travel back to ten years earlier to a time when they would wake up naked in each other's arms, and order coffee and breakfast pastries while laughing over silly articles in the paper. Their hidden affair during the trial had been magical.

As the elevator came to a stop at her floor, Casey let out a deep sigh. Walking to her apartment, she realized the hardest part about losing Alex. She'd never managed to get over the blonde. In some ways, she always hoped and dreamed she would return, but her return had ended up hurting Casey more than anything else.

Putting the key in the lock, she took a deep calming breath. She needed her game face on for her children. She needed to be strong.

Unlocking the door to her apartment, Casey was quickly met by a confused and breathless Rosita. "Ms. Casey! You startled me! I wasn't expecting you until late."

"Sorry, I should have called first," Casey replied, "I thought I'd surprise the kids."

As her children came around the corner in bundles of laughter and excited squeals, Casey forgot to pull Rosita aside to fill her in on her and Charlie's impending divorce. Instead, she got wrapped up in helping with homework while Rosita cooked and hearing about her children's day.

It was only when she made her way back to her bedroom to change out of her work clothes and take an aspirin that the thought returned to her. Making a mental note to have the conversation once she returned to the kitchen, after quickly changing into jeans, flats and a loose fitting sweater. Casey began to fumble through her medicine cabinet. Not finding the headache medicine, she walked over to Charlie's.

As she opened the door, a bottle of medicine fell out of the cabinet and into the sink. Shaking her head at her husband's messy cabinet, she picked up the bottle only to drop it again in panic when she saw the label. Running immediately to the phone, she began to dial him over and over.

Finally on her fifth attempt, he answered the phone, "What is it, Casey?"

"You left your medicine!" She blurted.

"I know. Is that it?" He asked.

"Charlie, this is important!" She snapped, regretting it immediately afterwards.

"I know it is, I don't need you to remind me." He grunted. "It's six in the morning here, Case, I just got in and I am trying to take a nap before I have to be at a meeting at ten. I will get it refilled over here, I just don't feel like talking. I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself."

"When was the last time you took your medicine?" She asked nerves present in her voice.

"You know what Casey, you lost the right to ask me these questions when you asked for a divorce. I will talk to you later." With that he hung up the phone.

A little shaken from her husband's words, Casey set the receiver back down. She was a bundle of nerves, and needed to feel in control again. Her first step was to talk to Rosita. She needed to make sure she was set up for success, and the first step in that direction was making sure her childcare was rock solid.

Walking from her bedroom, determination in her mind, she paused before the kitchen. Her children were still busy down the hall in the playroom watching cartoons, so she knew she was free to talk to Rosita. Entering the kitchen, Casey took a deep breath to steady herself.

"Rosita, I need to talk to you about something," she began, her voice sounded so confident, it was a drastic difference from her internal emotional state.

The younger woman turned to look at her, her smile was filled with kindness as she spoke, "What is it, Ms. Casey?"

"I am going to be needing you help more often now. Charlie and I are getting a divorce. He left early to get away and process things and well..." Her voice cracked, "I don't know when he is exactly coming home, so I am going to need you around for more help."

Seeing the expression on Rosita's face change from concern to horror, Casey turned around to see a shaking, crying Kate.

"You did this!" She screamed pointing her finger angrily at her mother, "You are never around. You made Daddy leave!"

"Katherine, I did no such thing and you will not speak to me like that, I am your mother!" Casey snapped back.

"You are never around! I want to live with him!" The petulant child screamed again.

"Well, tough! He isn't here, I am. So you are living with me!" Casey snapped again before taking a deep breath to calm herself at the sight of her youngest child.

Seeing the tears streaming down her daughter's cheeks, Casey moved forward to hug the young girl, only to have her scream, "I hate you!" Before running off to her bedroom, slamming the door as she entered.

Picking up her son, Casey looked at Rosita. The younger woman nodded that she understood, giving Casey reassurance. As she sat down and explained to her little boy the changes that were occurring in their lives, her heart broke all over again.

Helping him calm back down, she fought to maintain her calm. Maybe if she maintained her calm she could shield them from some of the hurt she was inflicting. She didn't want them to hurt, they were innocent bystanders in all of this, she was the one to blame here. She was the one who had the affair.

Rosita was sweet enough to stay the night, and after a dinner of silence was finished she helped Casey get the kids to bed. Kate refused to speak to her, while Danny requested for her to snuggle with him until he fell asleep. After the apartment was quiet, Casey walked down the hall to the guest room. Finding Rosita settling in for the night Casey knocked softly.

"Rosita, do you mind if I go out for a bit? I need to clear my head after tonight," Casey asked in a tone that sounded foreign to her own ears. She sounded defeated and lost.

"That's perfectly fine, Ms. Casey," she answered, "If you don't make it home, I will tell the children you had to go into work."

Casey nodded, "Thank you, I should be back in a few hours."

Everything from the point of leaving her apartment to driving the streets of Manhattan was a blur, her mind was a jumbled mess. As her thoughts ran wild, she just drove and drove.

She knew her affair was wrong, but she also knew staying with Charlie was wrong. After Alex left, she was hurting and alone. She didn't know what to do and she was scared of having a baby on her own. There had been a short period of time after Alex and before Charlie returned home that she'd considered getting an abortion but she couldn't do it. So instead, she did what she thought was right, she confessed to Charlie and they stayed together.

However, her heart was never truly in it. Her heart was always with Alexandra Cabot. Night after night, she would go to sleep praying to just dream of the woman she was so in love with, and everyday, she'd get the mail and search for a letter but none ever came. It was only when she finally started to give up all hope, that the woman she loved showed back up in her life.

As thoughts of Alex flooded her head, she couldn't help but think of the day she first returned first returned from Witness Protection to testify for the Connors Trial. US Marshals had brought her in get reacquainted while they waited for Olivia and Elliot to make it to the District Attorney's office. Alex had looked stunning as always in her violet three quarter length coat black pants and turtle neck. But, what Casey had found most intriguing was how the blonde's blue eyes seemed to sparkle every time they connected with hers.

 _"Don't you look all grow up." Alex stated once she and Casey were alone._

 _"Did I not before?" Casey snorted motioning for Alex to take a seat across from her desk, "I was so happy to hear you are alive, I just hope we can pull this off in court." Giving Alex a wry grin, she continued, "I have faith though, Judge Preston loves you."_

 _Alex couldn't help but share in Casey's smile, and as her blue eyes sparkled, she added, "How I have missed you, Casey."_

After that, they'd spent almost a week straight of Liam Connors two month long trial prepping her for cross examination. Casey would enter in everything from Alex's shooting first before presenting all the evidence from the Montoya shooting. It would allow the jury to hold on to the most gory details before deliberating.

In that time, she and Alex seemed to work as one. They laughed over meals while Casey prepped her for the questions she maybe asked, and when they were finished the marshals would take her away. Everything seemed to go smoothly, until Alex's day in court.

That day, she'd showed up with information about Connors she shouldn't have known. The fact she got away with spouting it all off in front of the jury was probably because Preston liked her so much. She acted like a lose cannon and if she'd pulled that stunt in another judges courtroom she probably would have caused Casey a mistrial. Something Alex knew considering she once had Casey's job.

When Casey finished in court that day she was furious. She knew Alex would be free minus her guard outside her door of the hotel, now that she was finished testifying. Alex would have to remain in the city until the trial was over, and Casey was ready to talk in private with the blonde and wouldn't wait another day. So, she did just that...

 _Alex opened the door with a surprised look on her face, "Casey, what are you doing here?"_

 _Holding up the bottle of wine, Casey laughed, "I thought we could talk."_

 _The blonde smiled at Casey's words, her eyes again sparkling, but Casey didn't return the gesture, instead she pushed right past her. Once the door shut behind them, Casey spun on her heel._

 _"What the hell was that in court today? Are you trying to get this case thrown out? It looks like I fed you information!" She spat._

 _Alex didn't fight, she just wrapped her arms around herself, "I'm sorry."_

 _"You are sorry? Seriously, Alex you are better than that, you are Alexandra Cabot. You were everything I wanted to be in the courtroom, you know how damning a stunt like that can be in the courtroom."_

 _"I know, and for that I am sorry. I just felt so out of control and so I thought I'd get some back," she admitted._

 _Casey could only sigh in response, "Liv gave you the ammo, didn't she?"_

 _"I plead the fifth," Alex said with a smile._

That smile had led to them sharing the bottle of wine, followed by another. Somewhere in a mess of laughter on the couch and some board game Alex loved, they grew quiet looking into each other's eyes. That silence seemed intoxicating, or maybe it was the fact she was intoxicated, but when Alex leaned in, Casey didn't hesitate to come the final distance and kiss her.

That kiss had led to the affair. That kiss had broken Casey's resolve. That kiss had been the start of her falling in love with Alexandra Cabot.

Shaking her head clear, Casey suddenly noticed she was driving down Alex's street. How she'd gotten here she wasn't sure, but she was here now. Seeing Alex's new brownstone come into view, Casey's breath caught in her throat, there was a spot vacant in front of her place.

Casey refused to pause to think about her next actions, she just pulled her car right into the free space, threw it in park and climbed out. Walking up to Alex's door, she buzzed the bell before she could turn and run. She was ready for a fight.

As the door opened and Alex realized it was Casey, she smiled, "Casey, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?"

"No, Alex, nothing is okay!" Casey snapped in a shaky voice.

"Come in," the blonde replied, pushing the door open further to allow her entrance.

Casey stormed into the house, her feelings raging inside of her. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, she felt as if she could burst. Turning on her heel to look Alex in the eye, she couldn't help but notice that familiar sparkle in those blue eyes.

"Why?" She asked in a shaky voice. She was close to bursting into tears and Alex knew it.

"Why, what?" The blonde asked nervously.

"Why did you leave and forget about me? Why didn't you call or write? Was it the fact I was pregnant? Was I not enough? Did you not really love me? I just don't understand. I don't understand why after a decade you could show back up here and say you love me after all of that. Why?" Casey questioned as the tears broke from her eyes.

Alex couldn't stop herself, she walked to the redhead and pulled her into her arms, "I have always loved you, Casey. Nothing has ever changed that, nothing ever could."

As sweet as her words were, they were not enough, Casey pushed away turning on her former lover with fire. "That doesn't answer why you turned your back on me!"

"I couldn't say anything to you without potentially getting you killed!" Alex snapped back. Seeing the shock and knowledge begin to fill Casey's eyes, Alex turned to sit on the stairs, "I wanted to, I wanted to call you that night, but Hammond told me I couldn't."

"What do you mean?"

"Hammond knew about us, and when he came for me, he told me I couldn't take you with me. He said you were married and the program wouldn't allow my girlfriend to go with me. He then told me that now that Zapata knew I was alive he'd really look for me, which in turn meant he may watch you. If they found you with a letter or caught us talking on the phone they'd kill you to find me." Alex said, staring intently into the eyes of the woman she loved, "I have never stopped loving you. I have missed you terribly, and not a day has passed that I didn't want to call you." Pausing to take Casey's hand, she continued, "But, I couldn't risk getting you killed. At least if you were alive I had hope."

Alex's words were more than Casey could have hoped for, she couldn't help but lean forward and capture Alex's lips in a kiss she'd spent a decade dreaming about. As their lips moved against each other, Casey began to cry. Breaking apart, Alex looked at the crying redhead.

"I have dreamt about this moment for so long," Casey confessed.

"Me too, me too," Alex whispered pulling Casey back into another kiss. Pulling Casey closer at her waist, while cupping her face with the other hand, she pulled back just enough to whisper, "I love you, I always have."

"I love you too," Casey replied in a shaky breath, before recapturing Alex's lips with her own.

It didn't take long for the kiss to grow more passion filled, as the scent of Alex's perfume filled Casey's senses. It was a scent Casey had missed so much that she'd bought a bottle just so she could occasionally feel like Alex was with her. As her heart pounding furiously in her chest, and her desire to have more of Alex overtook her, she began kissing down Alex's neck, loving the small gasps that fell from the blonde's lips as she made her descent.

The taste of Alex's skin coupled with her perfume sent Casey into a whirlwind. She couldn't exactly remember who began undressing who first, but she couldn't forget their entangled kisses on the stairs in nothing but their underwear. The roaming hands and arches into each other would forever be emblazoned on her mind, just as much as the flushed look on Alex's face as she stated in a breathy voice, "Let's go to the bedroom."

She didn't hesitate to take the invitation, she happily let Alex lead her there. She didn't flinch when the last of their clothes were removed, instead a small moan fell from her lips as their skin finally met without barriers. Their was nothing to stop adventurous mouths and hands, they couldn't hold back, ten years was far too long a time to wait to be with the woman you loved.

Feeling Alex's hot mouth finally connect with her soaked center, Casey couldn't help but let out a cry of pleasure as she arched up from the sheets. It hadn't been long since she'd had sex, but being with Alex was a whole other plane of existence. The feeling of everything Alex was doing to her coupled with the fact it was the blonde was electrifying.

Casey couldn't help how fast her body seemed to be reacting to the blonde's ministrations. The feeling of her mouth against her aching clit, soon added to Alex's long fingers inside her, had her coming undone in seconds. As her orgasm rocketed through her, she could only pant out Alex's name.

Feeling her slowly make her way back up, Casey rolled them over, not wasting a second to recapture Alex's beautiful lips in her own. Pressing herself against the blonde, she could easily feel how wet she was, causing her to smile against her lips. Slowly moving a hand down her body, she watched as Alex's eyes turned a darker shade of blue. Letting just her fingertips travel across the blonde's firm stomach and down between her legs, Casey whispered, "I've missed you far too much," as her fingers finally connected with wet heat.

The small moan that fell from Alex's lips was breathtaking. Casey couldn't help but kiss her once again as she let her fingers move to Alex's throbbing clit, moving against it in deliberate circles. As she pulled back to again look her lover in the eyes, she moved two fingers to her opening, letting Alex roll her hips up and onto them.

The instant gasps that fell from them as Casey began moving her fingers in and out, stroking that place Alex needed her most, was overwhelming. The feeling of Alex holding onto her shoulders with desperation, beautiful. And the feeling of her tightening around Casey's fingers as she came closer and closer to the edge was mind blowing.

The sounds that escaped Alex as she came hard, stole Casey's resolve. Helping her ride the waves, she couldn't help but kiss her, whispering between kisses how much she loved her. Their continual love making through the night was their testimony to how deep their feelings went.

However, as with all fairytales, the early morning light broke the spell. Waking up, with the woman she often dreamed of, shattered her illusions of the mother she should be at this moment. Feeling her guilt course through her veins at a nauseating speed, she pulled herself free of Alexandra Cabot's arms, and began hunting down her clothes at a frantic pace.

Alex couldn't help but be awoken by the sounds of Casey fumbling around. Squinting at the younger woman, she snatched her glasses from the bedside table and asked, "What are you doing, Casey?"

"Getting dressed!" The frantic woman said as she fixed her bra and walked from the room.

Shaking her head clear, Alex climbed from the bed herself and grabbed her robe. By the time she made it to the stairs and turned on the light, she found Casey almost dressed at the base. "Why are you leaving at five in the morning? Just stay, you can borrow clothes for work."

"I have to get home, Alex, I have children." She replied stiffly as she pulled her sweater over her head.

Alex wasn't following, as she descended the stairs, "You said Rosita had it covered last night."

"You don't get it, Alex! This was a mistake! I have already hurt my children enough, I can't drag them through this as well." Casey snapped on the verge of tears again.

Alex could see the pain in her green eyes, and nodded, "Okay. It's okay. Let me turn on the lights so I can make sure you get to your car safely."

Swallowing thickly, Casey gathered her keys and bag, before heading outside. As she passed Alex, she shakily mumbled a, "Thank you."

"No problem, Casey. Please text me when you get home, so I know you made it safely." Alex replied as she watched Casey go to her car.

As she opened the door, she locked eyes with the blonde and mouthed an okay, before climbing inside and starting the car. Watching Alex close the door to her home, Casey pulled out onto the graying streets of New York City. She didn't make it down the block before her tears broke...


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Surfrider, your wish is my command! :) Thank you all for your reviews, they are amazing. Sorry, about the site being an ass and not showing them. It's driving me nuts. Also, a giant thank you to Blitz, for helping me navigate these last three chapters! Here we go! I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

" **Find myself at your door,  
Just like all those times before,  
I'm not sure how I got there,  
All roads they lead me here.**

 **I imagine you are home,  
In your room, all alone,  
And you open your eyes into mine,  
And everything feels better."**

 **The Last Time by Taylor Swift**

* * *

Alex closed the door, shutting out the early October cold, as she desperately tried to compartmentalize her feelings. Locking back up, she headed back to the stairs, taking them one by one as she made her way back towards her bedroom. From the top of the landing, she looked down to her foyer, to the front door that she'd just closed. Frowning, she realized she had lived in this house now for two months, but it still didn't feel quite like home. It was missing the piece that made all homes, home. It was missing a family.

Walking down the hall to her bedroom, she couldn't help but remember her earlier trip. She couldn't help but think about the gorgeous redhead who she'd taken to bed with her. The sudden flood of memories of their earlier devotions of love overwhelmed her senses as she fell into her bed. Pulling the bedsheets and pillows close, she fought to control herself; she didn't want to cry, but the familiar vanilla bergamot scent that was Casey covered everything. She desperately tried to hold it in, but like a dam being hit with flood waters, she finally broke.

The first wracking sob that escaped her was loud and laced with years of pain and regret. The tears that escaped her were like a flood. She couldn't control herself and she didn't try. She needed to cry, she'd needed to cry for two months. By the time she finally regained control, the sun was beginning to filter through her bedroom windows, however, she didn't move to start her day. Instead, she lay in a silent resolve breathing in the scent of the woman she loved, thinking back to the months right before she started the Zapata case. Thinking back to a time before she torpedoed her life…

 _Walking into the coffee shop down the block from the courthouse, Alex couldn't help but notice the stunning redhead before her. It was the younger ADA she'd met nearly a year before in an elevator. Since that time, Alex had bumped into Casey at the courthouse and at the DA's office a number of times, she'd even spoken to the redhead and her husband at one of Branch's charity functions, and in that time she'd learned so much about her._

 _She'd discovered that Casey was funny and caring, that she blushed whenever complemented, and was just as fiery as her hair was red. Alex had also discovered the redhead's love for sports, especially baseball and softball. However, the thing she'd learned most was, the more she learned about the younger woman, the more her heart belonged to her._

 _Alex had never believed in love at first sight, but if there was such a thing then she'd felt it for Casey. She truly didn't know if she had ever met a more captivating person in her life, and as a result, she couldn't stop the hallowing pain inside her at the knowledge that she would never be with her. Rolling her eyes at herself, she couldn't help but think of an old Alanis Morrisette song with a line about, "Meeting the man of your dreams, and his beautiful wife."_

 _Shaking her head as she looked outside at the busy streets, she muttered, "Yes, it's quite ironic."_

 _Letting out a deep breath, while trying to focus on the people outside, Alex knew her crush on Casey was pointless. She knew she needed to get over her and find someone to be with, but every time she met a woman, she couldn't help but see the lack in connection. There was something about Casey Novak that caught her attention from day one. It was something she couldn't seem to let go of, it had taken its hold, like a parasite bent on devouring its host._

 _What was even more unusual was Alex truly didn't think she was alone in her feelings. If she had to swear it in court, she would say she thought Casey felt the same connection. Although, she didn't know for sure and she wasn't about to demolish their casual friendship to find out. She couldn't even if she wanted to, she wasn't a homewrecker._

 _Looking back up, she saw the redhead walking towards her with a big grin on her face as she carried two coffees. As realization set in that she was coming to her, Alex felt an instantaneous blush cover her face as a shy smile formed on her lips. "Hey, Casey!"_

 _"Hey, I saw you behind me, so I thought I'd get you a coffee and spare you the line." The redhead replied with a proud smile. "You take your coffee black don't you?"_

 _"Good memory," she said, taking the coffee, "What do I owe you?"_

 _"Absolutely, nothing," Casey assured as she led them to the exit, "It was my pleasure, especially if I can share your company on my way to court."_  
 _Alex couldn't help but feel an explosion of butterflies in her stomach. "It would be my pleasure," she answered with a wry grin, "So, what's on your mind, Novak?"_

 _"You," Casey said taking a sip of her coffee as they walked down the sidewalk to the crosswalk._

 _Alex's heart skipped a beat at the words, "Excuse me?"_

 _With a wave of her hand, she continued, "Sorry, wrong point in conversation to take a sip. What I was trying to say is, you were on my mind because I need your expertise. I have an impossible case. I need a warrant for a software mogul that I know is embezzling but I don't know exactly which judge to sway into not thinking it's a fishing expedition. It's not, but I just can't risk getting shot down. Who do you think would be my best line of attack? Normally, I'd ask Judge Clark, but she moved into private practice last month."_

 _"Oh," Alex replied. She knew from the instant frown Casey gave her, that her disappointment was most likely showing. Closing her eyes to clear her head for a second, Alex clarified, "Sorry, I wasn't expecting that. I haven't coffee'd up yet, so I am batting at subpar."_

 _Casey couldn't help but laugh at the blonde's comment, setting free another round of butterflies in her stomach. "Sorry, you using batting references is really adorable. Continue."_

 _"My Uncle Bill, should be willing to help you. I can stop by his chambers with you, if you'd like," she offered._

 _"Your uncle is Bill Hermann?"_

 _"Sure is, he is my mother's brother."_

 _"Impressive," Casey laughed, before they ran across the street to the courthouse steps. "Well, thank you, Alex. I knew you'd know who to go to. I will say, I didn't expect your uncle though."_

 _"Any time, Casey. I am always happy to help you." She knew deep inside that wasn't a lie._

 _As they slowly made their way up the stairs, Casey asked, "Do you have plans Friday night?"_

 _Alex couldn't help but stop and stare into those green eyes she adored, "I don't have anything planned, why?"_

 _"Charlie, just left for Hong Kong and he will be gone for couple of months and well I don't have anyone to go to the Mets game with me now that my brother and his wife moved to D.C. I wanted to know if you wanted to join me?"_

 _The blush on Casey's cheeks told Alex that this was probably more than a total innocent invite. However, as much as she knew she needed to turn the invite down she couldn't, "I'd love to go."_

Staring up at the ceiling, Alex couldn't help but smile at that memory. She and Casey had attended the next few games as friends. It was during those outings that Alex had learned that the redhead's husband traveled for months at a time to Hong Kong for business, always leaving her at home with her thoughts. In the beginning, it hadn't bothered her because she would hang out with her brother and his wife, however, now she found herself lonely and wondering if she was truly happy.

Casey and Charlie had met in college, becoming fast friends over their love of sports, and had eventually started dating when she'd started law school. The two had married her last year of school, and according to Casey, she'd been very happy. It was those words, that told Alex she needed to separate from the redhead. As much as she was drawn to her, she knew nothing good could come out of spending so much time with her. So, when the Zapata case landed on her desk, she happily pursued it in order to have a real reason to decline the next Met game invite. It had been her downfall.

Feeling a chill creep up her spine, Alex rolled over and pulled the pillow Casey had slept with into her arms, breathing deeply, letting herself be consumed by the smell of her lover. She couldn't help but remember the feeling of being shot, the feeling of Liv forcefully pressing the life back into her, and the last thoughts running through her head as she started to lose consciousness. Thoughts of Casey, thoughts of their last conversation, regrets of not saying everything she wanted to say…

" _Casey, I have to get ready for court, this guy is pure evil," Alex sighed as she walked into her office._

" _I know, Alex, and I promise I won't keep you long, I just have a question." The redhead pleaded._

 _Letting out a loud and audible sigh, she turned to face the objection of her affection. The woman she'd been trying to avoid for the last month and a half, "What is it?" Alex couldn't help but notice how the younger ADA swallowed thickly, as if trying not to cry._

" _I want to know why you've been avoiding me. I want to know why you went from hanging out with me for a couple weeks straight, to blowing me off. If I did something to upset you, I wish you'd tell me about it. I am sorry if I upset you Alex. I just enjoy our friendship. I don't really want to lose it."_

 _Alex wanted to explain. She wanted to tell her how she enjoyed every second in the redhead's presence. She wanted to tell her she was sorry for being so awful to her. Instead, she lied. "Casey, you haven't done anything. I have just been slammed with this case is all. I am really sorry if I hurt your feelings. I just don't have as much free time when I am working major cases, this isn't White Collar. I should be finished by the time Charlie returns. Maybe we can all hang out then?"_

 _The sudden look on the redhead's face at her final words told her she'd gotten through. The issue was Charlie. The issue had always been Charlie. "Got it. Okay, I am sorry I barged in here," she replied weakly turning._

" _What did you want from me, Casey?" Alex asked flatly._

 _Looking solemnly at the blonde, she whispered, "Nothing you could give evidently."_

Alex had regretted not going after her. She'd regretted not demanding to say goodbye to her. She wished over and over to hold her and apologize, to beg for forgiveness. As a result of her stupidity, she spent almost two years separated from her family and friends, and most importantly Casey.

The day Hammond and Cragen had shown up at her doorstep, she was shocked to learn that the woman she had spent the last two years missing was the reason for her to go back. She didn't hesitate to jump at the possibility of returning. If it was a chance to see Casey again, she would take it. The bonus was putting Liam Connors away.

However, returning to New York City had brought a slew of emotions with it. She had been instantly relieved to discover Casey didn't hold a grudge about their final conversation. Alex could only suppose that dying had relieved her of her sins. Yet, it was more what she began to learn that first night that shocked her most…

 _Sitting in the redhead's office, Chinese food spread out between them, Alex smiled at the woman who had haunted her thoughts over the last few years, "Casey, I am so sorry about our last conversation before I…"_

" _You don't have to apologize for anything," Casey said with a genuinely sweet smile, "I may not have understood that day what you were going through, but I did…" She paused and looked away for a moment, "I never held a bad feeling for you."_

" _You have always been too sweet," Alex replied with her own small smile. "How has life been for you?"_

" _Well, Charlie is currently on a three-month stint in Hong Kong. He just left two days ago as a matter of a fact, so nothing has changed there, and I am devoted to my work!" she attempted to laugh it off, but Alex could see the pain behind her eyes. She knew what Casey was really saying was she was all alone still._

 _Taking Casey's hand, she whispered, "I'm really sorry. Let's win this and I can come home."_

" _I've really missed you."_

" _I've missed you too, more than you could imagine."_

" _Your mother told me you spoke about me often," the redhead began to gush with a smile that filled her face as she obviously remembered something._

" _When did you speak to my mother?" Alex questioned. Her mother had died eight months prior, and it killed her to not be able to be there for her._

" _I met her at your funeral," Casey whispered. "I knew who she was in a heartbeat. You look just like her."_

 _Alex suddenly found herself mute as she fought off tears. Luckily, Casey seemed to notice and continued, "I went over to introduce myself. Katherine, was so funny. Despite the affair, she smiled so bright, and said, 'You must be Casey. I've heard so much about you.'"_

 _At that point, tears escaped the blonde's eyes, "I hate that she was alone when she died. It is just so unfair." Dabbing at the tears, she continued, "My mother was an amazing woman, I wish you could have really known her."_

 _Casey smiled faintly, "I did," she confessed. "I made a point to visit her as often as possible, and when the cancer came back, it was your Uncle Bill and I who brought her back to the city. I spent a lot of time with her. She didn't die alone, even Elliot and Olivia came to visit her with me."_

 _Casey's words warmed Alex deeply. Grabbing her hand from across the table, Alex whispered, "Thank you, Casey. Thank you."_

Casey's complete unending kindness only sucked her in deeper. She couldn't fight off her growing feelings, but she almost risked the friendship that they had left when she grew cocky and felt the need to control the courtroom. She hated that Liam Connors had caused her two years of her life, nonetheless shot and almost killed her. She hated him for robbing her of time with her mother, and for the nightmares that still occasionally plagued her sleep. So, going into court and not having a plan to take him down caused her a never ending panic, one Olivia had helped eased with his file of evil doings. However, her stunt in the courtroom of pushing Connors to explode at her had infuriated Casey enough to come to her hotel room that night.

Again, it was double sided sword. Casey and her drank till they were silly drunk, and in a moment of post board game euphoria and laughing, Alex had leaned in to kiss her. She'd realized at the last possible second what she was doing and stopped, only to have Casey meet her the final distance.

That moment, that kiss, was the official starting point of their affair. It had heated up quickly. Quicker than Alex could have ever imagined…

 _Casey pushed Alex back against the sofa, kissing down her neck at deliciously welcome rate. However, Alex didn't want her to do something just because they were drunk. She wanted Casey to genuinely want her._

" _Casey, stop." She panted pushing Casey and herself back into a seated positon. Alex could instantly see the hurt in her eyes._

" _I thought?" the redhead began._

 _Grabbing her hands in assurance, she continued, "I do, very much so. But, you are married."_

" _I know," Casey sighed laying back into the couch and staring at the ceiling._

" _Look at me, please."_

 _As she looked back at her, Alex could see tears in her green eyes. "Tell me."_

" _I think I am in love with you. I don't know though!" As she stood, she angryily wiped her tears away, "God, I am sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I swear, I have become an emotional rollercoaster lately."_

" _Casey, please sit and talk to me." Alex begged._

" _And tell you what?" she spat, "Do you want me to tell you how I have wanted to kiss you since I first met you? Do you want me to tell you how I use to linger in the courthouse hoping to bump into you? Do you want me to tell you how every time I saw you I'd have butterflies in my stomach? Do you want to know how I dragged my husband across a charity function when he was sick just to talk to you?" Moving to stand in front of Alex, she continued, "Or how about those weeks we hung out prior to your shooting were my favorite…how no one, not even my husband, has ever affected me like you," she paused as Alex stood, "How I cried for three days straight when I heard about your shooting…how I spent time with your mother listening to stories of your life just to have a part of you back…how I would have done anything to convict your killer…how excited I was to find out you were alive…how when you walked into my office and your eyes lit up, I knew I was in love with you. I know I am in love with you, Alexandra Cabot, and I think you love me too…Do you?"_

 _Alex couldn't help but pull Casey into her arms, foreheads pressed together, she took a moment just to enjoy the vanilla bergamot scent of this woman, "Yes, I am in love with you…"_

That night was the first night they made love. She loved Casey, and as the next couple of weeks passed, they spent as many nights as possible together. The marshals posted outside Alex's door didn't care that Casey came to visit, and they were polite enough to never discuss the sounds they heard escaping.

Alex shook her head thinking the time over. She didn't worry about the future during those weeks, she was with Casey and they were going to be together after the trial. When Casey's husband returned, she'd ask for a divorce and they would be together like they always should have been. They could be happy.

Casey had even still wanted to be with her after finding out about the baby. She'd shown up that night on the verge of tears. Alex couldn't help but smile at the memory…

" _What's wrong?" Alex asked as worry filled her._

 _Casey was so upset she couldn't speak, she just pulled something out of her pocket and handed it to Alex. As looked at the stick in her hand, she realized it was a pregnancy test. It was a pregnancy test and it was positive. It took a moment for all the pieces to fall into place._

" _You are pregnant?" she asked. Casey couldn't help but nod her head as a new round of tears escaped her eyes. "Why, are you crying? Are you crying because you are having a baby? Oh my god, you are having a baby, Casey! You are pregnant!" Alex exclaimed clearly overjoyed by the news._

" _Y-you aren't upset?" the redhead finally choked out._

 _Pulling Casey into her arms, she held her tight, "Why would I be upset?"_

" _Because it's Charlie's baby…"_

" _That isn't a reason to be upset," Alex soothed as she led them to couch. Once they were seated, Casey lying against Alex, she continued, "Are you leaving me to go back to your husband?"_

" _No," Casey affirmed._

" _Then I am not upset. I'd never be upset about a baby. I love you."_

Alex sighed at the memory of what could have been. She remembered how as the weeks continued to pass, they'd discussed baby names. They'd decided if they had a girl they'd name her Katherine Diane, after both their mothers and they would call her Kate. Casey thought Charlie would likely agree to it since he had an Aunt Kate that he'd been fond of as a child. They also decided if it was a boy they'd name him Daniel Charles, Daniel for Casey's father.

They talked about buying a brownstone similar to what Alex now lived in. They'd talked about how they'd raise their baby. They considered the baby as their baby. Alex sighed, she could have had a beautiful life, full of happiness had it not been for Zapata and Valez, had it not been for Liam Connors.

She couldn't help but think of that day Hammond had come for her. She was in the hotel packing her bags after they'd gotten a guilty on all counts. She was just getting her stuff and then going to meet Casey at the DA's office. She'd even reminded Casey not to drink Elliot's victory champagne, to use the sentencing period as her excuse if she didn't want to mention the baby just yet. That's when the knock came to the door.

 _Opening the door, Alex came eye to eye with Jack Hammond, "Hey, come to wish me a good life?"_

" _No, Alex, I came to take you back to Witness Protection." He stated gruffly._

" _What?" She gasped dropping her sweater to the ground, "No, I am clear now. All the bad guys are gone, remember?"_

" _Alex, you earned yourself another death threat with Connors in court. Grab your things its time to go." He stated firmly giving her a hard glare._

" _I can't go. I have a girlfriend. I need to tell her!"_

" _Casey Novak is a married woman. I don't mean to sound mean, but if you are thinking about taking her with you, try again. She is married and pregnant. She is staying in New York City. The program will not take her." Jack affirmed, "And before you get one of your crazy ideas, there is no contacting her. If you do, you will likely get her and her baby killed."_

" _What if I choose to not go?" Alex replied, her voice cracking as she tried to fight back tears._

" _Then you put both of your lives and her baby's life at risk, and if you get shot again, Witsec is likely not to take you." He clarified. "You've got ten minutes to finish packing. For what it's worth, I am sorry."_

As he'd left the room, she'd run to the phone, only to discover it had been disconnecting. She packed as ordered, and begged him profusely on the way to the transport to let her at least call Casey. He kept apologizing over and over, but refused to bend. It was only when she was put onboard the plane that she broke and began crying hysterically. Losing Casey was the worst thing she'd ever felt.

She couldn't let this happen again. She'd fight for Casey this time. She would win back the woman she loved, she'd love her children as her own, and she would stand by her always. Casey was everything to her.

Climbing from bed, she got ready for work. Her drive to the office seemed like a blur. All she wanted was to see the woman she loved again.

Walking in the front of the building, she passed the old guard, "Good morning, Murray."

"Good morning, Ms. Cabot." He said in his southern tone. "Ms. Novak beat you in today, by a long shot."

"I am sure she did, Murray." Alex laughed as she passed by him, "You know her, all fire."

"Fire indeed," he hummed.

The simple thought of Casey caused a smile to erupt on her face again as she made her way down the hallway to the elevator. Her heels were clicking against the terrazzo flooring about as fast as her heart was beating. She couldn't wait to see Casey, she had no idea what she'd say, but she'd figure it out.

Pushing the button for the elevator she waited. She couldn't help but be reminded of her first meeting with Casey again. They'd both been so young.

As the doors opened, she came face to face with the woman she'd been daydreaming of all morning. Her heart pounded in her chest as Casey looked at her in shock. Alex could only smile.

"You are late Cabot and due in court in thirty minutes. I was going to have to go handle your motions." Casey spat as Alex stepped on. Not saying a word, but continuing to smile at the redhead, Casey pressed the button for their floor. "Do you have anything to say?"

Alex took a breath and softly said, "I love you. I am in love with you. I have been in love with you all these years. I want to be with you, and I understand you need time and I will happily give it to you. Whatever you need right now, I am here for you. I will be at your side as long as you will have me. I will because I love you. I love you, Casey."

As she finished the doors opened, and she walked out leaving a speechless Casey in her wake. The redhead didn't know what to say at the words that had just been passed her way. All she could do was step out of the elevator and slowly walk. Her slow steps gradually becoming faster and faster, until she was standing outside Alex's office.

As she reached for the handle, the door opened and Alex stood before her ready to leave for court. All Casey could do was walk into Alex's arms and whisper, "I hope you do," before placing a soft kiss her to her lips. Stepping back, she smiled sweetly and whispered, "Because I love you too."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Lol, Butterscotch, Demon Child. Well, you let me know what you think! Also, I was a little tired the last few days, so I got a little behind in writing. I am now starting on A Thousand Years, and should have an update out by the weekend. Sorry for the delay!**

* * *

 **"Now you're thinking little thoughts about it,**

 **Taking every inch of him in.**

 **What does it mean when something changes, how its always been.**

 **And in your head you keep repeating the line,**

 **My Mother is mine.**

 **I've done the damage, the damage is done.**

 **I pray to God that I'm the damaged one.**

 **In all these grown-up complications that you, don't understand.**

 **I hope you can, someday.**

 **I hope you can."**

 **Little Digger by Liz Phair**

* * *

Casey sat at her office desk, drumming her nails. She needed to be working on the Hamilton case. Trial was set to start next week, and it was guaranteed to work her to the bone, but she couldn't stop thinking about the night before. As much as she tried, she couldn't stop thinking about being with Alex. Her body had tingled with every touch, and now she tingled with every memory.

However, as her desire for the blonde grew, so did her apprehension. How could she tell Alex just a few hours earlier that she wanted to try to be a couple without seriously thinking of her kids? Was she being selfish again? How would her children react? She couldn't exactly move her girlfriend into their lives right away could she? Would they understand? Would Kate ever forgive her? Would Kate vet understand? The biggest problem was she didn't know exactly what she was doing herself.

She wanted them to love Alex. She knew when Alex said she'd love her children as her own that she was sincere. Alex had thought of Kate as her baby from the moment Casey had told her she was pregnant. In truth, Casey had always thought of her children as Alex's just as much as they were Charlie's. It was simply because she longed to be with Alex. It was why she'd named them the names she and Alex had chosen all those years ago.

Hearing a familiar light knock at the door, Casey looked up to see Alex there holding a tray of coffee with a smile on her face. Casey couldn't help but grin back, "I suppose court went well?"

"It went fabulously. All motions won," her smile grew bolder as she walked across the room towards Casey, "So, I bought us victory coffee."

"I love you! I was in desperate need after last night," Casey exclaimed as she reached for the cup.

"I was too," the blonde replied with a small smile as she sat across from the redhead. "So, coffee break time."

Opening the lid of her beverage she beamed, "You even remembered how I take my coffee."

"Always."

Casey looked up at the blonde, giving her a faint smile, she knew she was thinking of something. "What do you want to ask me?"

"What makes you think I want to ask you something?" Alex questioned confidently as she leaned back in her seat and crossed her long legs.

Casey hummed softly before blowing lightly on her coffee. "You have a look, and we don't have long, so ask me."

"Your children, do you have a picture of them? What are their names? What do they like to do?"

"Right to the big questions," Casey laughed, "I do have a picture of them, I just don't put them on display in here for obvious reasons." As she spoke she opened her desk drawer and pulled out a picture of her kids. Passing it over she continued, "My daughter is nine and my son is five. She is super smart and way too serious, while he is nothing but sweet and goofy."

"A perfect mix of you," Alex replied as she looked at the two children, both had dark wavy hair however, the girl had green eyes like Casey's whereas the little boy had brown eyes like his father's. The little boy looked like a mini Charlie, it was quite shocking, while Casey's daughter shared a resemblance of Casey. The children looked happy with their bright smiles.

"They are so gorgeous, Casey," she whispered as she memorized them, "What are their names?"

Casey swallowed thickly, she hadn't yet shared that detail, "Kate and Daniel, although I call Daniel, Danny a lot."

Alex blinked hard, trying to still her pounding heart, trying to stop her body from crying again today. Looking back up at Casey, she knew the redhead saw the emotions she was trying to hide. "You gave them the names we chose. You named her after my mother..."

"I did. I hope you don't mind. I wanted a piece of you in them." She whispered as her own her pounded in a slight panic.

"I've spent a decade imagining what our children would look like, and now..." Alex paused, looking over the picture again, "Here they are, and they look more beautiful than I ever could have imagined, but they aren't mine."

"Not in the way we dreamed, but I'd still like them to be yours." Casey whispered. Alex could hear the desperation and panic building in her voice and quickly looked up and took her hand.

"I will love them all the same." Alex assured.

Casey looked into the blonde's eyes, she could see certainty behind them. "How can you be so sure?"

"Easy, because I love you," she said with a smile. "So, what are their likes and dislikes, I need to be prepared."

"Alex, this isn't going to be easy."

"Sure it will, you just have to tell me..."

"I'm being serious," Casey interrupted, "I haven't been a good mother. As a matter of a fact, I have been a horrible mother."

"I think you are probably being hard on yourself, Casey."

"No, sadly I am not," Casey began with a sigh, setting down her coffee cup, she continued, "I spent so much time battling ambivalence that I wasn't much of a mother. I put all the parenting duties off on Charlie, which wasn't fair considering his illness. And when I wasn't putting it off on him, I put it off on our nanny and housekeeper, Rosita. So, to put it easily, Kate now hates me since she knows about the divorce and Danny is super confused. Charlie, is an amazing dad. He never work's late, he got up with the kids when they were babies, he still gets up with them. His life revolves around those kids."

"So why did he leave?"

"Because I broke his heart. I told him when he came back from Hong Kong, after you left again. I debated having an abortion at first, and just asking for a divorce, but I couldn't do it." She paused to take a long breath, Alex could see how deep her guilt ran. "So, when he came back I told him about you. I told him that I was in love with you, but we were having a baby, and I was his wife. He was my best friend, and I loved him, so I thought I could make it work. I thought if I tried hard enough I could make it work."

Casey stopped to clearly fight tears back. When she regained control, she continued, "When Kate was born, I couldn't help but feel this ambivalence. I loved my child, but I couldn't help but feel trapped. Things got a little better over the passing years and then Daniel came along. Although, my confusion only grew. I was married to Charlie, but I wanted you. On Christmas morning, I'd watch my two beautiful babies unwrap presents, but wish it was your arms I was wrapped in. I was so unhappy. I tried to only be around my children when I could keep a mask of happiness on. I didn't want them to ever think they were the ones making me unhappy, when it was really my own bad choices."

Alex stood and walked around Casey's desk. Kneeling before her, she took her hands and looked into her green eyes, "You don't sound like a bad mother, Casey. You sound like an amazing mother, that despite a tough situation, tried your best to shield them from pain."

"You think?" She began to cry.

"I know so," Alex assured, "I love you, and no matter how hard things get, we will make it. I will never lose you again."

As she finished speaking, she kissed the redhead. They had a long road ahead of them, but no matter what they'd travel it together. She had faith they could make it.

Breaking the kiss, Casey smiled, "So how brave do you feel?"

"Why?"

"Kate has a softball game on Saturday that I am going to. I know you are working for me, but I promised to take her to the batting cages after if you are free, we could cook dinner afterwards."

Alex smiled bright, "Are you inviting me to meet your kids?"

"Yes," Casey chuckled, "I guess I am."

"Then I will definitely be there."

* * *

Alex ran across the park towards the softball field. She'd managed to plead her case to Abbie, and effectively convince the brunette to cover Sex Crimes for the day. She knew it was crazy and wasn't necessarily her best plan, but she wanted to see Kate's game. She wanted to spend as much time as possible with Casey and her kids.

Running across the paved path towards the fields she now had in sight, she began to wonder if this was a little impulsive. She hadn't asked Casey if it was okay to arrive earlier, if it would be okay for the children. She didn't want to upset them. She didn't want to push Casey too fast. Alex had been so ready to have the life she'd dreamed of that she hadn't thought through the consequences of not sticking to plan.

Suddenly, in her state of apprehension she stopped and pulled her phone out of her pocket. Sitting on a bench just off the path, Alex unlocked her phone and pulled up Casey's name. Looking at the redhead's picture, with her finger hovering over the little phone icon, she heard her name.

"Alex!" Casey's deep voice called out, shaking the blonde from her thoughts.

As she looked up, she saw the redhead walking up carrying a tray of four cups of some liquid. Casey was dressed in her usual casual weekend attire of workout pants, tee and athletic zipper front hoodie. Yet, what Alex noticed most was her giant smile, which instantly put her own fears to rest.

Casey continued, "I wasn't expecting you for the next couple of hours."

"I pulled some strings," Alex replied, "Did I miss the game?"

"No, they all got pushed back due to that rainstorm this morning. So, what strings did you pull?"

Standing, she gave the redhead a devious smirk, "I might have conned Abbie into covering for us."

"How so?" Casey asked with wide eyes, "She's the mastermind of trickery."

Waving her off, Alex laughed, "Please, it's not that bad, I just told her I'd watch their Labrador Retriever while they go to Cancun for Thanksgiving."

Casey's eyes went wide at this information, "You do know Brogan ate through their kitchen walls, right?"

"No," The blonde replied with a frown. "My dear friend, did not inform me of that when making this deal."

"Yeah, and he ate through the kennel door the last time they boarded him. If Serena told Kim correctly, I think he was banned from there."

"Okay," Alex laughed holding up a hand, "Are you pulling my leg?"

"I guess you'll just have to find out for yourself, Cabot," the redhead laughed as they continued their journey to the field.

"So, where are the kiddos?"

"They are at the field," Casey began to explain as a cold burst of air hit them, "Ah!" Casey shrieked at the cold as she bounced on her feet for a moment, "Maybe, I should have sucked it up and worn jeans today!"

Alex could only laugh, and retort in a sing-song voice, "And that's why I am in mine!"

Chuckling lightly, the redhead muttered, "Jerk," as they continued on, "Kate is warming up, and Danny is with Rosita, they wanted hot chocolate, so I ran to get some."

"Does Rosita always come with you?" Alex asked as she saw the bleachers near.

"Yes, she is amazing. She loves the kids like her own, so whenever she is free on the weekends she comes."

Taking Casey's arm as they reached Kate's field, Alex stopped and turned the redhead towards her, "Are you sure this is okay? Or, should I wait till the batting cages?"

"Alex, I told them you, my friend, would be joining us sometime today. So, it's fine I promise. Plus, who would I share my hot chocolate with?" Casey assured with a wry smile.

* * *

Kate looked out of the dug out, as the sound of her mother's laugh caught her ears. It was a sound she didn't hear often, so when it happened it was hard for the young girl to miss. Despite how upset she'd been over the last few days, with the news of her parents impending divorce, she couldn't help but smile when her eyes found the back of the familiar redhead.

Standing on her tip toes, she tried to spot who her mother was talking to. Rosita, had taken Daniel to the bathroom, so she knew it wasn't her. Still unable to see, she started moving stuff on the bench, so she would be able to climb up for a better view. Kate couldn't lie to herself, even despite her age, she was excited about her mother actually making it to a game, and somewhere deep inside she worried that the person making her laugh might be there to make her mother go to work.

Climbing on top of the bench, Kate could finally see the person. It was a beautiful blonde haired woman. She was wearing jeans, a cream colored knit shirt and a brown jacket. The woman looked surprisingly familiar, but not at the same time, and Kate couldn't figure out if it was the woman's black framed glasses that was causing her memory issues.

Finally, she lost patience and called out, "Mom!"

* * *

Casey jerked at the sound of her daughter's voice, and turned around with a wave for her friend to join her. As she neared the dugout, she laughed, "Kate, if you fall off that bench you know they'll make you sit out."

"I know," she grumbled with an eye roll as she climbed down and walked out of the dugout to take the hot chocolate.

"Where is Daniel?" Casey asked as she looked at the bleachers.

"He had to go to the bathroom," She replied blowing on the hot liquid, before sticking out her hand to Alex, "I'm Kate."

"Sorry, Katie Bug," Casey apologized turning towards Alex, "This is my friend I was telling you and Daniel about, Alex Cabot."

Shaking Kate's hand, Alex couldn't help but want to cry. In a way, it was like meeting her child for the first time. Forcing her emotions down, she said, "It's very nice to meet you Kate. I've heard so much about you."

"It's nice to meet you too." The young girl said, before looking back to her mother, "I have to get back to warm ups."

"I understand," Casey replied.

Quickly, Kate wrapped her arms around her mother's waist, burying her head into her side, "Thank you for coming. Get a good seat so you can watch me."

Kissing her daughter's brown hair, Casey whispered, "I sure will. I love you, now go kick some ass."

"Casey!"

"Mom!"

"Language, I know, my bad." Casey laughed holding her hands up.

"We will let it slide," Alex said with a head shake as Kate beamed at both women.

"Okay, I have to go, but find good seats!" The younger girl laughed.

Watching her daughter run off, Casey smiled at the blonde, "Well that went super well!"

As if on cue, Casey heard her youngest run up behind her. "Mommy, do you have my drink!"

Turning towards the youngster, she laughed and knelt down, "I sure do, Danny boy," she said handing it over, "It's still hot, so blow on it okay."

Standing back up, she looked at Rosita and back down to Daniel, "Rosita, Danny, this is my friend I was telling you about earlier, Alex Cabot."

Rosita quickly stretched out her hand, "It's very nice to meet you, Ms. Cabot."

"It's nice to meet you too," Alex said before kneeling down on Daniel's level. The little boy was engrossed in drinking his hot chocolate, and Alex couldn't help but smile at the beautiful child. "Is it good, Kiddo?"

"Yes, ma'am," he said looking into her eyes. It was impossible to not notice how much he looked like his father.

"I'm glad to hear that," Alex said with a warm smile.

* * *

Later that afternoon, while driving home in her mother's car, Kate couldn't help but ponder over the day's events. It had been an odd one at best and it was far from over. They were on their way home to cook dinner after the batting cages, and her mother's new friend was coming along. And that friend was responsible for much of her current state of confusion.

Kate couldn't help but watch her mother while at her softball game earlier, and, if she was being honest, she stared more at the familiar looking blonde than her mother. She couldn't quite figure out why her mother's new friend looked so familiar. The young girl new she hadn't met her before, but she just couldn't figure it out and it was driving her nuts.

She also couldn't help but notice how her mother sat much closer to this new woman than Rosita. Not to mention, how Alex shared her mother's hot chocolate, or how she seemed to make her mother laugh so much. Her mother almost seemed like a whole new person, and Kate didn't know what to make of this version.

She couldn't say she didn't like the blonde, she was actually quite nice in fact. Alex had treated them all to hot dogs after the softball game, and seemed genuinely interested in everything she and her brother had to say, but their was just something off with how her mother acted around her friend. She never acted that way around anyone, but Kate wasn't even sure if she could describe the oddity in her mother's behavior, which was only more frustrating.

Kate had seemingly forgotten the struggle to place everything when they went to the batting cages. Alex had entertained her younger brother, while her mother coached her on batting, and Kate was thankful for the one on one time. Her father had told her that her mother had been a great softball player at one point in life, but she'd never really seen her in action until then. Her mom was so proud of her. It was easy to forget Alex until the car ride home.

Now, seeing her building come into sight, Kate couldn't help but mull everything over. Her mom seemed like a different person today. Granted she'd been warmer at the start of the week, but today was something completely different. Today was a version Kate had never seen, and Kate couldn't help but wonder if Alex was the reason.

* * *

Sitting in the family room watching a movie with her brother, Kate couldn't help but glance in the direction of the kitchen. Her mother and Alex had been laughing for easily the last thirty minutes while they cleaned up from dinner. She knew they were talking about something work related, and something about a time when Alex was gone, but beyond that she couldn't fully make out what they were saying.

Looking back at the television, Kate sighed as the little purple Bove named, 'Oh,' tried to make his plea for running away. She couldn't help but laugh at how much her very own home life has changed drastically in a weeks time. At that very moment, it hit Kate where she thought she had seen the familiar woman.

Climbing from the chair, she snuck past the kitchen, making her way quietly down the hall to her mother's bedroom. Walking inside, she closed the door behind her and walked to her mother's closet. Moving in the bottom left side, she climbed under her mother's hanging clothes to a hidden bottom shelf. Looking at the shelf, she saw the box.

It was a small mahogany box with a brass inlay design on the top. She vaguely remembered finding the box in this very closet a year ago while playing hide and go seek with her brother and Rosita. Rosita had found her with it and scolded her to not play in her mother's closet. She'd never gone back to investigate. She'd never been particularly curious about her mother until this very moment. Right now, her curiosity surrounded her mother and this mystery woman named Alex.

Opening the box, Kate found the picture she'd found aa year ago. It was an older woman and her mother. Alex looked a little like the woman, and Kate found that slightly curious, until she noticed the picture beneath it. It was a picture of Alex and her mother.

Picking up the picture she examined it. It was a picture of her mother laying back into the blonde woman. Both women had big smiles on their faces; they were clearly very happy. They were younger. Her mother was younger.

In a daze, Kate set that photo on top of the other, before realizing there were more pictures. There were numerous pictures of a younger Alex and a younger version of her mother. All the pictures were from the same place. There were pictures of them in each other's arms and pictures of just her mother and just Alex. They were always smiling or laughing. As she reached the final picture, she felt her confusion grow. The last picture was of them kissing.

As she examined the picture, her eyes caught the date at the bottom left corner. February 22, 2005. Kate suddenly felt sick. She was born August that year. Her mother was kissing Alex Cabot when pregnant with her.

Putting the pictures back inside the box, she stood and walked out of her mother's closet. Standing in her parents bedroom, she felt as if her world was closing in on itself. Nothing she knew to be true, was true.

* * *

"So, the Hamilton case should start Monday," Casey stated as she wiped down the kitchen counters. "You are good to cover SVU while I am in court, right?"

"Well, let's see, I did it for three years prior to you taking over...so yes," Alex smirked, "I think I can cover it. I am jealous though, that's going to be a tough case to handle. You've done a great job building it up though."

"Thanks, that's sweet of..."

"Mom," Kate said in a flat tone interrupting the two women.

"Kate, what's wrong?" Casey asked. She could tell her daughter was really upset and was hiding something behind her back.

"I found this," the young girl said tossing the box on the kitchen island. The instant horror that befell Casey's face told Alex it wasn't something good.

"Where did you find that?" Casey asked, as she again tried to mentally prep for a line of questions she wasn't ready to handle.

"Did you cheat on Daddy?" Kate asked.

At this Alex could hear Danny moving towards the kitchen, she didn't want the little boy to be anymore confused at the current situation than he already was, it wasn't fair to him. Catching Casey's eye, she motioned that she was going to get him. Sneaking past Kate's icy glare, and from the kitchen, she asked the little boy to show her his room.

Thankfully, he happily led her away. Hearing Kate ask her question again, Alex's heart sank. She hated leaving Casey in the lion's den alone, but Daniel was too young for this...both children were too young.

* * *

Casey stared at the box before looking back at Kate's shattered expression. She was hoping for an out, she was hoping for a moment of divine intervention, but none came. She couldn't help but figure it was purposeful punishment for her adulterous ways.

"Do you know the full meaning of that question, Katherine?" She asked in a sympathetic tone of voice.

"Yes!" The young girl yelled with tears streaming from her eyes, "Lucy Carter's dad cheated on her mother and they got a divorce! You and Daddy are getting a divorce and you are kissing her in that picture."

"That was a long time ago," Casey began only to be interrupted.

"The date is from the year I was born."

Casey let herself fall back against the kitchen counter as she rubbed her hands over her face. Mentally, she was cursing herself as well as Charlie. She'd wanted them to explain these things together to their children, but now she was doomed to handle them on her own. Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself.

"Alex and I were together then, yes. Your father knows about it, and it was a long time ago. Your father and I haven't been happy for years, I haven't been happy in my marriage. What happened between Alex and I has nothing to do with your father and I getting a divorce. We are getting a divorce because we both deserve to find happiness, and we aren't happy together in the way a married couple should be happy. I don't expect you to understand that right now..."

"I don't!" Kate screamed, "I don't! I hate you! I hate you, and when Daddy comes back I am going to live with him!"

As she finished, she ran to her room and again slammed the door. Casey could only take a shaky breath and pick up the box. Walking out of the kitchen, she bypassed her son's bedroom. She was far to close to tears and didn't want him to see her breakdown, not today, not now.

Reaching her bedroom, she climbed up on the bed, pulling her throw blanket up over herself, she opened the box. Flipping through the pictures, she couldn't help but cry. Her silent sobs wracked through her body, as she remembered those days, as she remembered the life she could have had. The life she passed up out of fear.

* * *

An hour later, Alex crept into Casey's silent bedroom. She'd heard the commotion earlier, and taken it upon herself to get Daniel to bed. After lots of books, she'd managed to get the little boy to fall asleep. He'd effectively taken part of her heart and soul with him.

Seeing Casey on her bed, Alex softly called out, "Casey, are you awake?"

A strangled, "Yeah," came her way in response as the distraught redhead sat up in bed.

Alex's heart instantly broke at the sight. "Casey, I am sorry, honey," she said as she moved to the side of the bed and wrapped her arms tight around the woman she loved. "I'm sorry, it will be okay."

"She hates me, Alex. She hates me and wants to live with her father, and what's worse, I don't blame her." Casey cried into the blonde's shoulder.

"She just doesn't understand right now, Casey," Alex sighed, "She will one day, and then she will forgive you. They all will. She'll see how much happier you are and that will make the difference. I promise."

"You think?"

Alex gave the redhead a small smile and a nod, as she tilted her her up, "I know so, and I will be here to support you the whole way."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Casey. We will make this work. We all deserve to be happy. So, tell me, what was in that box?"

Casey handed Alex the box, "Open it."

Alex did as told, opening it to first discover a picture of her mother with Casey from the time Alex was after. Swallowing thickly, to fight off the pain in her heart, Alex flipped through the rest of the pictures. "These are the pictures we took on your digital camera while I was here," she said with a big smile.

"Yes, and Kate evidently found them and that one," she said pointing to the picture of them kissing, "Permanently, blew our cover."

"Oh," Alex whispered, "Okay, we have some damage control to do for sure."

"Yeah, we just need to work on her until Charlie comes home at the end of the month. I should be getting the papers soon, and when he comes home we will hammer out custody."

"Well then," Alex said before lightly kissing the woman she loved, "Let me out. I don't want Kate to find me here in the morning and wonder what we were up to!"

The small chuckle that left the redhead, let her know that she was right. They would all be okay in the end. They would all be okay and be happy.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I am so sorry for the long wait for this update. I am back now. :) I apologize in advance if suddenly something Star Wars related randomly crops up out of place mid story. My boys kept asking me questions about the Jedi's while I was writing yesterday morning...and well...things happen! ;)**

* * *

 **"Oh, I sleep just to dream her,**

 **I beg the night just to see her,**

 **That my only love should be her,**

 **Just to lie in her arms."**

 **Sleep to Dream Her by Dave Matthews Band**

* * *

The moment Casey let Alex out the door, she missed her presence. Placing her palm against the thick wood, she willed herself not to open it and beg her to return. She had to put her kids first, and it wasn't emotionally good for them right now to be in the middle of their mother's love affair.

Locking up and turning on the alarm, she walked slowly back down the hallway as confusion began to flood her mind. What was she was doing? Would she destroy her children? Would they hate her? Or would they one day understand that she would never be good for them if she wasn't happy...

Once again, she bypassed their bedrooms. This time it was more for fear of waking them than avoidance of parenting duties. She knew they needed the sleep, they needed time to process. Kate needed space, and Daniel needed innocence.

Looking at the family pictures along the wall once more, she paused at a picture of her holding Kate after she was born. Her daughter was so tiny and pure. She could remember how torn she felt at that moment. Here was this beautiful baby girl, so precious and new in her arms, yet she resented a small part of her. Now, Casey understood why to all its depths and glory, she felt trapped. She wanted to give her daughter the life she deserved, but felt condemned to a life without love. She loved her children and thought that would be enough to make her happy, but really she was just killing herself slowly. Alex's return had given her the strength to break away, even if she had done it with no intentions of getting back with the blonde.

Breaking from the picture of her and Kate, she found a picture of her and Charlie. They were on their honeymoon, standing on the white beaches of Mexico, wearing ridiculous straw hats and beaming smiles. She could actually remember taking that photo and thinking she was so lucky to have married her best friend. She was so naive then, so buried inside that she thought everything would be okay. She was terribly wrong.

Life got frustrating once they entered the real world. Married, and no longer disillusioned kids themselves, he'd taken a job working for a freight company that was headquartered in Hong Kong and New York City. In no time, he'd moved up the ladder to a prominent executive Vice President position and was required to travel for months at a time.

Those months seemed to give her plenty of time to realize something wasn't right in their marriage. The more time she spent with Owen and Kim, the more she saw the problems with her and Charlie. They weren't madly in love, at least she wasn't. She loved Charlie, but she wasn't in love with Charlie. She didn't crave Charlie like she should. Her affections didn't match his, she was happier be around him, than being romantic with him.

Turning off the hallway light, she walked into their bedroom. As she undressed for bed, she continued to think it over. She loved Charlie, and she missed him terribly when he was gone. She was truly concerned about his health and worried about him, but her feelings for him never matched her feelings for Alex. Alex was the turning point in her life.

From the moment she met Alex, she desired Alex. She would find herself thinking about Alex, sleeping just to dream of Alex, wanting to be with Alex. At first she thought it was a school girl crush, however, she quickly realized it went much deeper than that. A mere glimpse of the blonde would set her heart into a frenzied beat. The day she asked Alex to go to Met's game with her everything changed. She knew she wanted to be with her, she knew she loved her. She just didn't know how.

Opening her dresser, she pulled out her pajamas and got dressed. Once clothed, she dug into the very back of the drawer and found the small bottle of Alex's perfume she'd purchased ages ago. Putting a small spray on one wrist, she climbed into bed and wrapped her arms right around herself. Taking a deep breath, she imagined it was her love holding her tight as she snuggled into her bed, letting the smell of the blonde soothe her to sleep.

* * *

Morning came all to quickly for the redhead, at the sound of her youngest crying. Climbing from bed, she quickly walked from her room and straight to his, only briefly noticing the outside world still bathed in darkness. He didn't often wake upset, so even in her groggy haze, she knew something was up. Opening his door, she spotted the crying five year old in his bed clutching his stuffed dinosaur.

"Danny, what's wrong?" She hoarsely asked, as she crossed the Jurassic themed room.

"I don't feel good," he cried. Touching his head, Casey felt the burning hot, instantly registering in her head that he had a fever. Scooping him up in her arms, she carried him to her bathroom.

"You'll be okay, kiddo, Mommy is going to make you feel all better. Then you can sleep with me," she whispered as she crossed the floor.

Entering the bathroom, she set him on the vanity and fetched the thermometer. Placing it to his forehead, she confirmed her suspicions, he had a fever of 102. "Oh, sweetie," she mumbled as she got the chewable Tylenol. Pouring out three tablets, she softly said, "Chew these, baby," before carrying him to her bed.

"You can sleep with Mommy, since you don't feel good," she soothed, as she helped him snuggle into her.

As she covered them with the duvet, he sighed, "Mommy, you smell like Ms. Alex."

"I do," she stated more than questioned. She was shocked that after one afternoon with her, he knew her scent.

"Yes," he whispered as sleep started to take over him again, "I like her, Mommy."

Casey smiled at her sweet baby's words. Holding him close, she whispered back, "I'm glad, I like her too."

* * *

Around ten in the morning, Kate walked into her parent's bedroom to find her mother and brother in bed. Her mother was sitting up reading files that were most likely work related. Her red headed mother only seemed to ever work. Kate couldn't help but stare at her for a moment. There was something so fundamentally different about her now.

She wore her old Harvard sweatshirt and boxer shorts, and had a messy ponytail on the top of her head, yet what the young girl found most interesting about her was the fact that she seemed so much more relaxed. Danny had his head laying on her mother's leg and despite the work piled around her and the notes she was busily taking, her mother seemed at peace. Kate just didn't know what to make of it. She just didn't understand.

Looking at this woman, was like some times looking into a mirror. She use to love that fact and find her mother mysteriously fascinating, wanting to be just like her. As a result, she constantly bugged her father for details about her. However, now she felt a deep anger alongside that admiration. It made her feel sick inside and want to cry, and for those reasons she hated the woman that sat in the bed before her.

"What's wrong with Daniel?" She asked, her tone flat. Normally he would be bouncing on the family room couch, instead he was sleeping.

Casey instantly set down the files, and looked up with a smile. "Hey," she said softly as to not wake her son, "Danny, woke up with a fever. I think he has a cold."

"You need to take him to the doctor," the young girl stated. "Daddy would take him to the doctor."

Casey nodded, she could see clearly that Kate was still angry. She knew that look well, it was one she saw often when looking in the mirror, after losing a court case. "I will take him tomorrow if he is still sick."

Kate frowned and looked towards the hallway, "I'm going to eat breakfast."

"Want me to make you pancakes?" Casey asked, as she prepared to stand. Cooking breakfast was something she actually could do well.

"No," she answered a bit harshly, "I am going to have a pop-tart." As she finished her statement, she stared for a moment at her mother. She could register the hurt in her mother's eyes, but the understanding that she didn't want her around right now. Without another word, she turned and walked from the room.

Casey let herself fall back against the pillows. She truly hoped things got better with Kate soon. The cold shoulder was already getting old and it was only day one. As much as she knew, this treatment was the result of being young, hurt and confused. However, that didn't keep her from wanting to make it all to be better. She wanted to be better for her children.

* * *

By three in the afternoon, Casey was well aware that Danny was only getting worse. He now was congested and coughing up a storm, and the fever could only be managed by a Tylenol, Ibprophen combo. Putting a pot of soup on the stove, she grabbed her cell phone and called Rosita.

Hearing the call connect, she instantly knew she was doomed by the hacking cough that came across the line, "Oh no, you are sick too!"

As the other woman got control of her coughing, she hoarsely replied, "Yes, Ms. Casey. I was hoping to feel better, but I am only getting worse. I am going to go to the walk-in clinic. I think I have the flu."

"Well, it can't be the flu, Danny has it too," Casey assured, "He got the flu shot, didn't you get it as well?"

"No, Ms. Casey, Daniel and I were both sick at the time. We haven't gotten it yet. We missed our appointments, Mr. Charlie took Kate. When Daniel and I were well again, the doctor had run out of the vaccine." Rosita explained, much to Casey's horror.

"What," Casey gasped, "Shit, I am screwed! Can you at least watch Danny while I am in court?"

"I don't think I can, I can barely move. My mother is coming to care for me and take me to the doctor," she stated.

"Okay, okay. I understand," Casey said softly, "Thank you. Get feeling better."

Disconnecting the call, she couldn't help but feel helpless, as she fell back against the granite countertops. She was screwed royally. The Hamilton trial started tomorrow and she was lead prosecutor. She had built this case over the last year, she couldn't bow out now, but she had to.

Letting her head fall to her chest, she took a deep steadying breath. This case would have put her in direct running for position of district attorney if she won. Granted it would be a couple of years before she'd potentially be able to run, but it would be possible. She'd be remembered for it.

Shaking the thoughts from her head, she remembered it was time to be a mom and care for her children. She'd prove everyone who doubted her abilities wrong. Scrolling through her favorites list on her phone she dialed her brother. As the call connected, she waited for his deep soothing voice to carry over the line.

"Hey, Case," Owen said. She could hear the shuffle of people around him and new he must be at work.

"I need your help," she spoke quickly, "Danny is sick, and he may have the flu. Can you call him in that flu medicine?"

"You mean, Tamiflu, and no." He stated matter a factly.

"What do you mean no?" She uncharacteristically whined, as she paced the kitchen.

"You can't just give him antivirals because you think he has the flu. Go get him checked out by his pediatrician or at a walk-in clinic."

"Okay, I will. I just didn't want to drag him out. He is so sick." She sighed.

"If you tell them he has the flu, they should take him back quickly to reduce the spread of infection." He assured.

"Thanks." Taking a breath, she tentatively asked, "By the way, what does Kim's schedule look like this week?"

The sigh that crossed the line, immediately told her she was about to get a lecture. Cringing slightly, she took it, as he began, "She cannot come take care of him, Casey. I know you need help, but you are going to have to manage on your own two feet. Kim's pregnant. I don't want her getting needlessly sick."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, I just have this major case and..."

"It's always a major case, Casey. You really need to figure this out on your own." He interrupted. "Listen, I love you, but I have to go now. I have surgery in ten. Take Danny to the doctor, if you need anything once you have a diagnosis call me. I will have my phone in surgery, the scrub nurses can answer for you."

"Okay," she said as her voice broke. She couldn't help the tears that streamed down her cheeks.

"Don't cry," he said soothingly, "I know you are upset, and if Kim wasn't pregnant, I'd have her on the first train to you, but we've worked so hard for this baby. We can't risk it."

Angrily wiping away her tears, Casey nodded even though he couldn't see her, "I know you can't. I really do understand. I will let you know what the doctor says."

"Okay, chin up." He said more warmly, "I've got to go, but call me after the doctor."

With that he disconnected the call. Looking up at the ceiling, Casey tried to will away all her remaining tears. Taking a deep breath, she pulled herself together and made the call she'd been avoiding all day while she prayed for a miracle. Hearing the phone connect, she bit her lip.

"Casey, hey! I was wondering if you were going to call me back," Alex mused.

"I know, I am sorry," Casey shakily spoke.

"You don't have to be sorry, babe," she answered. The tone in her voice told Casey she was smiling. "I've been busy knocking out the small motions for this week. How has your day been?"

"Rough, Danny is sick. I have to take him to the doctor," She said in an almost whisper. "I think he has the flu."

"Oh, geez. Do you need me to bring you all anything?"

"No, we are good. Thank you though. What I really need from you is, for you to take the Hamilton case for me."

"What? Casey, this case is your baby," Alex said without thinking.

"Daniel, is my real baby. He needs me right now. I don't have anyone else to watch him. Rosita has the flu, Owen is working and Kim is pregnant, so it's just me. Can you come by tonight to get the files? I have everything prepared for the opening statement."

Alex could hear the redhead's hesitation in her voice. She knew Casey was trying to be a good mom, but a win like this would make her career. Winning this case would put Casey and the kids in a better place in the long run. But, Alex knew how stubborn the redhead could be. Taking a breath, she answered, "Fine, I will come by tonight. I love you."

"I love you too," Casey whispered into the phone, not wanting Kate to over hear her.

Disconnecting the call, Casey gathered her children, carrying Daniel in her arms, and headed downstairs. Catching a cab, she asked the cabbie to take them to the closest walk-in clinic. Her only desire being getting her son treatment.

* * *

Two hours later, Casey and the kids headed back from the doctor, with the pharmacy set to deliver the medicine. Daniel had been diagnosed with influenza type A and was immediately prescribed antivirals, and ordered to stay home for the next week. Kate and Casey checked out fine, and the doctor reassured the flu vaccine was working this year, so they should be fine being in contact with him.

Riding through the busy New York City streets, Casey held the sleeping kindergartener in her lap, his head against her chest, as she watched how Kate focused on the outside world. It was as if her daughter was doing everything possible to not make eye contact with her. Attempting to take the young brunettes hand, Casey softly asked, "What do you want for dinner?"

Kate pulled her hand free, quickly moving it to her lap as she shrugged, "Anything is fine with me."

Casey frowned at her daughter's distance. Thinking quickly on her toes, she tried, "Since we are well, I say we get whatever we want to eat! We could order Mexican...or if you'd prefer, Chinese..."

"I don't care what we eat!" Kate interrupted with a drawn out sigh, "I'm not even hungry."

With that, Casey gave up. She didn't know what else to try. She didn't know what to say.

Seeing her apartment building come into sight she internally cheered. As awful as it seemed thinking it, it would be nice to put some distance between her and Kate for a little bit. Spending the last two hours in close quarters was enough for a little while.

Once the cab stopped, Kate climbed from it and headed right up to Greg, happily filling the doorman in on her brothers condition. Casey paid the driver, before easing herself out, making sure to be extra careful to get Daniel out without bumping his head or waking him. Every time the little guy woke, he flew into a crying fit. She was just ready to get him situated in her bed for the night. She figured it would be easier to tend to him that way.

As she finally reached Kate, Greg spoke to her, "Ms. Novak, your friend, Ms. Cabot, is in your apartment. She came by with groceries for you, she thought you were already home, so I let her inside. I hope that's okay."

Casey took a deep breath to avoid popping the gentleman on the head, "Yes, thank you, Greg."

As she led her children to the elevator, Kate's questioning began, "Why is she here?"

"She is here, because I have to pass case notes to her, and she brought groceries for us." Casey explained.

"I don't like her," Kate spit out.

"You didn't seem to mind her yesterday."

"I didn't know who she was then. I hate her, and I hate you."

Casey sighed as the elevator neared their floor, "You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do!" The young girl screamed, causing Daniel to instantly wake up from the commotion and begin crying. Desperately trying to calm her son, Casey couldn't stop Kate bolting from the elevator as the doors opened. She ran straight for the apartment and began banging on the door.

Trying to calm her youngest down, Casey saw Alex open the apartment door for a furious Kate. The sight of the blonde letting her enraged daughter inside, while giving her a sympathetic look, caused her to begin to tear up again. Her life was in a total downwards spiral, and she couldn't help but feel the need to regain some control. She just didn't know how to.

Alex seeing the situation, walked from the apartment. "Here, give me Danny, and take a minute for yourself," she offered.

Casey looked at the blonde in confusion, "What are you doing here?"

Danny didn't hesitate to turn and reach for Alex. Letting her take him, much to Casey's surprise, she noticed how he curled his little face into her neck and began to doze off again. Alex rubbed the little boys back gently, "I came to help you. Sick kids aren't easy, and you need your rest."

Leading them towards the apartment, Casey asked, "Alex, thank you, but I meant for you to come over after I got the kids to sleep. You need all the rest you can get before the trial starts tomorrow."

"No," Alex corrected, "You do. It's why I brought groceries. I have moved our schedules around and worked with Abbie and Serena, I will stay with Danny and you are going to go win this trial. That is if you feel okay leaving me with him."

Casey stared at the blonde she loved so much. "Why are you doing this, Alex?"

"Because you have worked too hard to let this go. If you win this trial, you set yourself up to be the next DA. You also will give yourself the freedom to coast the next six months, which you could use." She paused as she tried to read the redhead, "Let me do this for you, let me help you. I love you and I can handle this, if not, you are a phone call away."

"Kate is going to hate this," Casey muttered as she looked in the direction of her daughter's room.

"Kate is a child, and she just doesn't understand. I can handle that," Alex said looking down at the little boy in her arms, "I am more worried about him."

Casey couldn't help but laugh, "I think he is in love with you. He told me this morning that I smelled like you and that he likes you."

"You smelled like me?" Alex asked in confusion.

"I bought your perfume. I sometimes put a small spray on myself when I am missing you." Casey confessed as a full on blush overtook her.

"You were missing me last night, after I left?"

"I miss you every night that I am not with you," she admitted, "Let's get him to my bed. I've been letting him sleep there."

"Casey," Alex interjected, "If I am getting up with him, wouldn't you like to sleep comfortably in your bed?"

"You want to stay?"

"I don't have to, but I didn't want you to be tired in court."

Casey bit her lip thinking for a moment, "You and Danny take my room, I will sleep in the guest room."

"Okay." Alex replied with a nod. Feeling more confident in their plan, Casey led the way, quickly pulling back the bed linens, so Alex could tuck the little guy in. After getting him situated, the two headed to the kitchen.

"What all did you get at the grocery store?" Casey asked.

"Soup, Gatorade, tea, coffee..." Alex said with a grin to the redhead, "lots of coffee. I also got an assortment of veggies and fruits, milk, fish. I noticed things you were sparse on yesterday and picked those things up. Oh, and I got your favorite pretrial meal for dinner!"

"You did?"

"Well, I did if you still love quesadillas...I hope that wasn't a pregnancy thing...Anyway, I got enough for four of us to eat, I didn't know if little man would be up for real food or not. I just mainly didn't want him to feel left out. Do you hate them?" As the words left the blonde, she gave a nervous look.

"No, baby," Casey said walking and taking Alex into her arms, "That is a me thing, I love them." Without hesitation she kissed the blonde.

Everything about Alex was magical. How after ten years she remembered the most minute details of her, not to mention, how fiercely she loved her. Breaking the kiss, Casey whispered, "And, I love you."

"I love you too."

Hearing footsteps come down the hallway, the two separated and began unpacking groceries. Knowing Kate was lurking in the doorway, Casey turned and looked her daughter in the eyes. "I need you to set the table. We are going to eat dinner in a few minutes."

"What are we having?" Kate groaned as she leaned on the kitchen island. She was still angry, but she was curious about these two.

"We are having your mom's favorite pretrial meal!" Alex exclaimed, only to catch a look of confusion from Kate, "Quesadillas."

"You like quesadillas?" Kate asked her mother.

"I do," she replied with a small smile.

"Is that why you suggested Mexican?"

"Yes ma'am." Casey said, as she started dishing up the food. "Go set the table."

As Kate reluctantly left to do as asked, Alex looked to Casey. "How does she not know you like Mexican food?"

Casey stared into Alex's blue eyes. She was searching for away around, for an answer that didn't make her seem terrible. "I've just been absent. I have been involved, but only really surface parenting, I guess. I am really going to make it up to them. I am going to be better for them."

They stood in silence for a moment as Casey fixed plates with Alex's help. They worked like a well oiled machine, as if this was a nightly routine for the two. Finally, Casey spoke again, "Alex, you should take the case. I need to be a parent."

Alex took Casey's hand and turned her to face her. "You are a good parent, Casey. You tried for the sake of your children to be someone you aren't, because that's how much you loved them. And now, you realize you need to live for yourself in order to be a good mother, which makes you brave and strong. Everything I see you do, is you being a good mom. Have faith in yourself. You working this trial is in the best interest of you and your children. You will win it, I know you will. And when you do, you will have more freedom than any other ADA or EADA. It will give you more time to devote to them. Do not doubt yourself."

Casey just shook her head in understanding. "You are right. I just feel guilty," she whispered.

"I know you do. It will be okay, Casey, I promise."

Walking to the table with the food, Casey set the plates down while Alex went to check on Daniel. "Kate, I want to talk to you about this week," she started, "Alex, is going to be staying with Danny while I go to court."

"What? Why? Why can't you stay home? We don't know her!"

"You just spent the whole day with her yesterday, and I know her. She isn't going to hurt you, Katherine. She is helping me out."

"You said you were staying home!" The young girl yelled.

"Watch your tone with me!" Casey snapped, "I know I did, but Alex has offered to help me out. Kate, I can win this case and when I do, I will have a lot more flexibility. That's why she is helping me, because she knows I want to spend more time with you and your brother."

As Casey finished her words, Alex walked back into the room, "He is still sleeping. I did wake him just enough to get him to drink some water though."

"Thank you, Alex." Casey said with a sweet smile as she joined them at the table. The meal was less than hostile. Kate did answer Alex's questions, but Casey could still see the burning anger behind her daughter's eyes. She truly figured the reason why she was still sitting at the table probably had to do with the fact that she was merely hopefully that her mother was being honest. That knowledge alone pained her.

When the meal was finished, Kate went to bed while Alex and Casey cleaned up and reviewed case notes. Sitting in the living room, Alex couldn't help but feel like she and Casey were a family. A married couple working next to each other while their children slept. It was the way things always should have been.

"I'm sorry, Casey," she finally whispered.

The redhead looked up to meet Alex's blue eyes. "You don't have to be."

"But I am, if I hadn't been an idiot thirteen years ago, we never would have been in this mess. We would have flirted, and probably ended up having an affair way earlier, but I never would have been sent to witness protection."

"And I wouldn't have Kate and Daniel." Casey whispered back.

Alex nodded, "So, there really isn't a perfect world here is there?"

"No, there isn't." Casey replied as she got up and straddled the blonde's lap, "There is just you and me, and my kids. Are you okay with that?"

"Absolutely," Alex whispered back as Casey removed her glasses and kissed her.

"I love you," she whispered against the blonde's lips.

Smiling, Alex whispered, "I know."

Laughing, Casey lightly pushed Alex back, "How Han Solo of you!"

Silently laughing herself, Alex said, "I thought you'd like that."

As she moved to kiss her again, Daniel's cries rang out. Standing, Alex gathered the files for Casey in the morning, while she went to her son. By the time, Alex made it to the room, Casey had him quiet and lying next to her in bed.

She couldn't help but stand there and watch the two for a moment. Casey really was a good mother, she'd just been guilted to thinking she wasn't. "Let's get ready for bed," she whispered to the redhead.

"You get ready first. I don't want him to freak out again."

"Okay, baby."

Alex quickly got herself ready, then climbed on the opposite side of the bed. Casey carefully rolled her little boy into the blonde's arms, before kissing his forehead. "I'll be right back."

"Okay, baby."

Casey didn't take long, but when she got back to the bed both Alex and Daniel were asleep. Her son was curled into Alex, the scene was beautiful. Unable to resist, she climbed into bed next to them wrapping an arm over Danny to hold onto Alex's side. She knew she was risking sleep, but at this moment, she just wanted to be with her family. As sleep over took her, Casey's last thoughts were she didn't have to sleep to dream her tonight.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry for the ridiculously long wait for this update! It's been planned out for so long I am sad that it took me forever to write it. I love this story, and I think you all will too when it's finished. Each chapter takes lots of planning and tweaking, since it is a very detailed and layered story. So, thank you for your unending patience wth me! :)**

 **Also, to Nerdsmith, I don't know if you read my stuff, but if you do, please come back to the Alex and Casey Ship! I am speaking for myself and Blitz here, but we were so happy to have you join us! I am sure the rest of the readers were too! Plus, I hadn't had a chance to read your stories yet, and I was so excited about getting to next week! I don't know what caused you to leave us, but if it was negative feedback don't take it to heart. We thought you were awesome! Please come back to us!**

* * *

 **"Running through the heat heart beat**

 **You shine like silver in the sunlight**

 **You light up my cold heart**

 **It feels right in the sun, the sun,**

 **We're running around and around**

 **Like nothing else could matter in our life**

 **But wait, but wait, but wait**

 **The sun will stop shining soon**

 **And you'll be dark in my life**

 **Yeah, you'll be gone, it's as simple as a change of heart**

 **But I'm not gonna think about the future"**

 **Love Like This by Kodaline**

* * *

"Marcus Hamilton is not the man he portrays. The man you see before you appears to be just another white collared accountant. A man who wears tailor made suits and sends his kids to private schools. The kind of man who donates greatly to shelters and other needy causes, and is at church every Sunday. He lives the life most of us dream of... But do not be fooled by the mask this man wears, do not be tricked by the act he plays. This is a man who turned to the mob when he embezzled millions to feed his lifestyle, and a man who raped and killed willingly to pay off his debts..."

As the last of her words fell from her lips, Casey stared at herself in the mirror. She was feeling a little paranoid. In two hours time, she'd be standing before the jury delivering her opening statement, it was often the moment that could make or break a trial.

"You are going to do fine, babe, breathe." Alex's smooth voice carried into the bathroom.

Turning to face her, Casey bit her bottom lip. The blonde looked stunning with her bed hair tied into a loose messy ponytail as she wore one of Casey's old softball shirts and boxer shorts. Everything about Alex seemed like home. "I love you."

Alex didn't hesitate to cross the room and kiss her cheek. "I love you too," she replied as she moved to the counter to brush her teeth. Fixing the toothbrush, she continued, "Go finish getting ready, I've got breakfast fixed for Kate and I've got the little guy comfy."

Walking to her closet, Casey suddenly realized she had no one to take Kate to school. Running back to the bathroom, Casey panicked, "I have to leave you my car!"

"What?" Alex mumbled past her toothbrush.

"You are going to have to take Kate to school! I will have to take a cab."

Rinsing her mouth, Alex nodded okay. "Do you want me to take you to the courthouse on the way?"

"No, it will be fine." She assured. "I will work a carpool out with one of her friends parents for the rest of the week."

"Okay." Alex replied as she watched Casey walk from the bathroom again. She had an even easier fix for this mess.

As the morning progressed, Alex quickly learned what being a mom meant. Being pulled in a million directions at once, was a daunting task. Kate needed her uniform shirt ironed, and Daniel had woken up hungry, but his throat was too sore to eat anything. She'd managed to iron the shirt in no time, then fixed a banana smoothie for the little guy, along with waffles for his sister.

However, just as the two sat down to eat, Kate at the table and Daniel bundled up on the couch, an argument started over what they would watch on the television. Sitting on the couch next to the little guy with the remote in her hand, Alex felt like a hostage. Finally, she intervened and picked Daniel's program, on the account of him being sick, which quickly earned her the death glare from the young brunette. Pushing her plate to the center of the table, Kate stormed off to her room in fury.

Put off by the tension, Alex retreated to the kitchen. Leaning against the countertop, hiding from both kids, she took deep soothing breaths, desperately trying to channel the guidance from her former therapist. At that moment, all she could wonder was what she'd gotten herself into. She was questioning whether she was cut out for motherhood. Was she capable of being strong enough to handle this life.

"You're hiding aren't you?" Casey's voice cut through her thoughts from the doorway.

Turning to look at the redhead, she gaped for the right words, "N-no, I am cleaning up," Alex stuttered, as she grabbed the blender from the island in front of her.

"I heard the commotion," the redhead continued as she set her shoes on the counter, "I wouldn't blame you if you were..."

Setting the device in the sink, she turned to face her girlfriend. "I'm hiding from them. Daniel, is easy, but..." She bit her lip.

"But, Kate hates you right now?"

"Yeah," she sighed.

Casey shrugged, as she walked to the coffee maker, "Welcome to the club, she hates me too."

Alex laughed at the remark, as she moved behind the redhead. Wrapping her arms around Casey's waist, she tucked her face into her neck and inhaled the scent of her girlfriend's perfume deeply. Sighing she whispered, "I'm glad to know I am not alone in this club. We can make it through..."

"You think?"

"Either that, or we will be leaving in body bags," she said with a smirk, that quickly earned her an elbow to the ribs.

"Hey, that's my kid!" Casey said with a good laugh.

"I know, I know," Alex chuckled as she rubbed her ribs. Noticing the pair of heels on the counter she smiled. "Going for the good footwear today?"

Picking them up, Casey nodded, "Go big or go home."

"You got that right," she sighed looking over at Danny.

"Are you sure you are okay with this?" Casey asked as she fought to get her heels on in the kitchen doorway.

Grabbing her girlfriend's arm, Alex helped balance her, "I am. Are you sure you are okay to walk in those heels?"

"No, but they look good."

"That they do..." Alex trailed, only to earn a swat to the arm. "Ow!"

"Yeah, well control yourself."

"I am. You are beating me up today," she replied with a fake pout.

"Never," the redhead whispered, before standing straight and pulling the blonde in for a kiss. Parting she looked into those magical blue eyes, "Are you really sure?"

Locking on to green, Alex nodded, "I can do this for you."

"Okay, well I am leaving then. Kate needs to be to school by 8:20. Text me periodically and let me know how Daniel is doing please."

"Always," the blonde answered as she watched Casey walk into the family room and kiss the little one, before walking back to her. Kissing her cheek, she bid her farewell.

Hearing the front door latch close, Alex cringed slightly. "Alone, with the little people at last. What am I going to do now..."

Walking into the family room, Alex looked at the clock on the cable box. "Hey, Danny," she whispered, "You about finished?"

He nodded, passing over the empty cup. "Okay, baby, let me check on your sister and I will be back for you."

The trip to Kate's room took far less than she would have liked. Knocking on the door she said, "Kate, we need to get to the car if you are going to get to school on time."

"It's too early!" She yelled back through the wood.

"Traffic could be problematic, and I have never driven your moms car before, so I would prefer to leave sooner than later."

The door suddenly swung open, "Fine, I'm ready," she snapped.

"Good."

Alex carried Daniel to the car, while Kate followed in a sulking manner. By the time they reached Casey's black Audi A7, Alex unlocked the doors and situated Daniel in his booster seat with his stuffed dinosaur. Looking over to Kate, she asked, "Are you good?"

"Yes, I can buckle myself in," the young brunette smirked.

Rolling her eyes, Alex turned and climbed into the drivers seat. Starting the car and backing out, she caught the sight of Kate's scowl. If looks could kill, Alex was certain she would be dead. She was fairly certain the young girl was thinking of a million ways to kill her. Maybe she would be the only one leaving in a body bag...

Driving through the busy streets of Manhattan, in Casey's sedan, Alex remembered why she use to have an SUV. She liked seeing above the crowd. It was a natural luxury for her in life considering she was 5'10, and naturally she liked to keep things in the same. She hated being low to the ground, she greatly missed her Range Rover. It may have never been fuel efficient, but it was wonderful for seeing over the chaos of New York City.

"So, Kate, what classes do you have today?" Alex attempted to start conversation.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Do you have music today, or art..."

"Yeah, I have music," she mumbled looking out the window at the passing city.

"Okay," Alex sighed. She didn't know what to say at this point. Letting the car transform into a silent scene, she continued to navigate them to their school. Finally reaching the carpool line, she looked back at the young girl. "Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"Good," Alex mumbled in return as she noticed a faculty member approach the car.

Opening the door, the teacher passed Alex a clipboard, "Good morning, Katherine and...oh," the bubbly young blonde said noticing the sleeping sick child, "What's wrong with Daniel?"

Signing the papers, Alex laughed to herself, "Do you have a warrant for that information?"

Kate let out an exasperated sigh, "He has the flu, Mrs. Snapp."

"Oh," the woman said with a scowl to Alex, as she reached out for the clipboard.

"I'm sorry, I am an attorney. I was trying to be funny, and I clearly missed my mark. My name is Alex Cabot, I will be bringing Kate to school this week."

"I understand," The blonde said with an honest smile, "I'm Mrs. Snapp, I was Katherine's teacher last year."

"It's nice to meet you," She replied shaking the woman's hand. "See you tomorrow morning."

As the conversation ended, Alex worked her way back out into traffic. Groaning, she battled the masses like an ant on the ground. If this was going to become a regular event she was going to need a bigger car.

When they reached Casey's building, she collected a sleeping Daniel into her arms. Before closing the door and heading up, she noticed the name on the booster seat, Graco. Nodding to herself, she closed the door and pressed the lock button, instantly causing the car horn to sound. Daniel jerked in her arms at the sound, but quickly settled as she rubbed his back. She was just happy he didn't start crying again.

Taking the elevator up, she paused at the ground floor. Heading out to the lobby, she spotted the salt and pepper colored haired doorman, calling out "Greg," at the sight of him.

Looking up to spot his inquirer, the big man answered, "Yes, Ms. Cabot," before heading her way. "What can I help you with?"

"I was wondering, if I have my car brought over, would I be able to park it in the garage?"

"Absolutely," he assured.

"Great, I will let you know when I have it all arranged.

He nodded before quickly heading back to his station at the door. Alex turned and headed to the elevator. Seeing her blurry reflection of herself holding Casey's son in the door, she again wondered what she was doing. What made her think she was cut out for motherhood, nonetheless, her reassuring Casey they would make it? Was she crazy? Was she giving Casey false hope that would demolish her in the end?

Feeling the little boy shift in her arms, and press his hot face into her chest, she smiled. She loved Casey. She had fallen in love with her years ago and had never stopped. Finding the redhead was her first mission when she'd returned to New York, and now after months of trying to reconnect they had. She now had a chance to be with the woman she loved, but now she also had the responsibility of being a parent.

As the elevator doors opened, she walked in and pressed the button to the thirty-third floor. Again seeing her reflection her thoughts resumed. She would have been a parent the first time, but at that time she and Casey would have raised Kate as a baby, together. Now she was entering their lives much later. Kate didn't want her in their lives, and even though she knew eventually the girl would come around, she was terrified of the possibility that she would hate her forever. It was a real possibility, and so was the chance that she would resent Casey. Alex didn't want to be the reason that Casey lost a relationship with her daughter.

Reaching the apartment, Alex let them in and quickly laid Daniel in his bed. One thing her mother always did for her when she was sick was change her sheets daily. It always made her feel cleaner and better, and she thought the little guy could use the same luxury. Moving into Casey's bedroom, she quickly found the clean sheets and stripped the bed before adding the clean ones. Once she was finished, she helped the little one get cleaned up and positioned him back into his mother's bed.

Sitting next to him she retrieved her iPad from the bedside table and began looking at the Land Rover site. She wanted to get back into a Range Rover, she loved the big sport vehicles, but realistically, she could probably use something smaller.

Feeling the little one shift, she looked down and watched him wake enough to locate her before scooting in and curling into her side. Brushing her fingers through his hair, she moved onto the nearest baby store and bought a Graco Booster seat, setting it for same day delivery to Casey's address. If Daniel was riding in her car, he would be safe. Both children would.

Navigating back to the Land Rover site, she found a new model she thought might work better for her and Casey. It was the LR4, and the dealership nearby had a couple with rear entertainment, which might prove nice for long trips with the kids. Frowning at the thought, she couldn't figure out if she was being too impulsive. She felt so ambivalent towards everything.

She loved Casey, but feared her children, well, one of her children. Maybe she just needed to wait and talk to Casey about the car. Maybe she was being crazy thinking this was a good idea. Waiting too see if she and Casey would work out would be a much better idea, versus wasting thousands of dollars on a car.

Hearing her phone ring, she picked it up and saw it was Casey calling. Answering it, she said, "Hey baby, how's it going?"

"Hey," the redhead's deep voice carried to her ears, "We just got through opening statements and are taking a quick recess. How's Danny?"

"He's good, he took his medicine before you left, but he still has a fever. He hasn't gotten sick yet, but has been complaining that he is nauseated." Alex whispered as she ran her fingers through the sleeping child's hair.

"I'm glad to hear that he is good. Keep me posted on his fever. I might text Owen and see what he thinks."

"That's probably a good idea," She whispered, "How's it going there? How was your opening?"

"It went well. I think I caught a few jurors right off the bat. Hopefully it will continue to go well," Casey replied before quickly adding, "Hey babe, I am going to run, so I can call Owen. Keep me posted on you two."

"Okay, I will figure out dinner as well," Alex whispered back.

"I love you. I am so thankful you are with him."

Smiling at her girlfriend's words, Alex nodded, "I love you too."

As the call disconnected, Alex was filled with guilt. How could she actually doubt her and Casey? She'd wanted this woman for over a decade and now she had her, and just because she was nervous about the kids she was doubting them. She needed to get a grip. She could handle everything. She could do this, she had Casey. They could survive anything.

Navigating in her phone to the Land Rover dealership number, she phoned them. As the receptionist answered, she asked for the sales department. Hearing the line click over and a deep humorous voice cross the line, she smiled as the man on he other end introduced himself, "This is Shannon," he said.

"Hi, Shannon, my name is Alex Cabot, and I am interested in buying a new SUV." She relayed.

"That is a line I love to hear!" He replied with a chuckle, "Well, what can I do for you Ms. Cabot?"

"Alex, please," she continued, "I wanted to see if you'd mind sending me some pamphlets for all of your SUV's the Range Rovers and the Discovery's to be exact."

"Do you not want to come in?"

"Well, I am currently taking care of my girlfriend's son and he has the flu. I will be buying the vehicle outright. So, would anyone be able to bring me the pamphlets? Please?"

"Hmm," he said, before chuckling a little, "I think I can work something out. I understand how it is with kids. What's the address?"

Giving him the address, she felt good about her decision. It was better to talk things over with Casey, even if it regarded her apprehension to the sudden motherhood of the redheads children. That's what being in a relationship was all about, being open and honest with each other.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Alex found herself sitting on the sofa in Casey's bedroom, with a very nauseous five year old lying half on her, and car magazines spread around them. Evidently, the antiviral medicine combined with the flu was causing the little guy to feel very ill. His temperature had remained at 101 for the day, so the doctor was happy with the medicine's effectiveness, but he was definitely not feeling well.

He was too ill to eat, but hungry and just generally miserable. She felt for the little one. She wanted to make everything better, but just couldn't seem to figure out what to do. "Danny, sweetie, can I do anything for you?" She whispered.

"I want this one," he whispered.

"What, baby?"

"This one," he said again pointing to the Range Rover magazine. "I want this car."

She couldn't help but chuckle at his childhood innocence. "Would that make you feel better?" She joked.

Only the small child looked up at her with genuine excitement. "Yes," he whispered.

"Oh." Was all she could answer. She didn't know what to say, to be honest, she was only trying to make him smile. Smiling back, she replied, "Then we will get that one."

Looking at her watch, she noticed the time. "Hey buddy, we have to go get Kate from school. I will carry you to the car, okay?"

"Okay, Lex," the little boy groaned as she scooped him up in her arms. She'd noticed as the day had passed, he'd taken to calling her 'Lex.' The endearing nickname was warming her heart for sure.

As she began to carry him from the room, he groaned, "Wait, my car book." Smiling, she turned and walked him back over to the couch, bending down to allow him to grab the book. "Thanks, Lex," he whispered as he clutched the book to his chest and leaned into hers.

The trip to the car, suddenly spurred a memory for Alex. As a child, her mother would make her ginger snaps when she was sick. The treats were always good for filling hungry sick tummies. Situating Daniel in his seat, she quickly climbed in the drivers side and drove them towards Kate's school, making sure to arrange a delivery from the local grocer on the way.

Pulling into the young girl's school carline, she sighed to herself. She couldn't help but wonder how Casey's day was going. Part of her wished she'd taken the easy route and gone to court for the week, but the other part was happy to be helping the redhead out. Casey needed her, and she was finally able to be there for her. That's what counted.

* * *

Casey exited the courtroom and headed right for the elevator. She needed coffee desperately. The defense had called another fifteen minute recess to look over a 'new' piece of evidence, which would easily extend her day by another hour. She just prayed that Alex had things covered.

Leaning against the back wall of the elevator, she sighed deeply as she thought, 'New her ass.' The evidence had been in discovery, Granger had just not expected it to affect the jury the way it had. Legal loopholes were a love hate relationship for her. She loved them when the were beneficial to her and hated them otherwise.

Fishing her cellphone from her pocket, she dialed her girlfriend. She quickly mouthed a silent prayer, that Alex was handling everything well. She was well aware her kids could be a lot to handle, she just hoped that Alex had it easy.

Hearing the line connect, she waited to hear the blonde's voice, "Hey, Casey."

"Hi, how is it going?" She replied.

"It's going!"

Casey cringed. She knew that Alex was trying to put a positive spin on things, which wasn't a good sign. "Is it really bad?"

"No, Danny is doing okay, still feverish and nauseous, but he isn't getting any worse, so that's good. And right now, we are in Kate's car line at school. Everything is fine." Alex replied trying to make a smile evident in her voice.

"Oh my god, I forgot to arrange a ride home for Kate! I'm so sorry, I know you hate driving!" Casey exclaimed as the elevator doors opened. Walking towards the coffee bar, she felt defeat overtaking her.

Laying her head back against the headrest, Alex regrouped, "Babe, I got this, I promise. It's absolutely no biggie for me to pick Kate up. Plus, I don't hate driving, I like driving."

"What do you mean by you don't hate driving? Since when do you like it? You always grumbled when we were in the car."

"Yes, your cars. You have a thing for sedans. I hate being so low to the ground. I am have always been shocked by your love of small cars. I just don't understand the appeal of not being able to see while trapped in metal." Alex chuckled.

"Oh," Casey answered as she neared the barista. "Is that why you always suggested driving in that gas guzzling tank of yours?"

"I loved my Range Rover." Alex lamented with a genuine smile as car line traffic finally began to move.

"Maybe we need to get you another one then," Casey agreed with a small laugh.

Smiling at the redheads words, Alex agreed, "I think you are right." Seeing Kate ahead, she continued, "I'm about to pick Kate up. Want to say hi?"

"Yes, please! Also, is Danny awake?"

"He is asleep." Alex said as she set the phone down and stopped to allow the young brunette to open the door. "Hey kiddo!"

"Don't call me that," Kate snapped as she climbed inside.

Nodding her head, Alex muttered, "Note taken," as Mrs. Snapp handed over the clipboard for sign out. "Good to see you again," Alex said with a smile.

"Same to you!" The bubbly teacher replied as Alex handed back the board.

Pulling away, Alex picked up the phone, "Okay, Case, here she is," handing the phone to the young girl, "Kate, it's your Mom."

Reluctantly taking the phone, Kate quietly said, "Hi, Mom."

"Hi, Katie Cat, how was school?" Casey beamed. She'd never gotten the ability to do this kind of thing before, and she was truly loving it.

"It was fine. The office sent home paperwork that you have to fill out to allow Alex to pick me up and drop me off. They said they understood your current situation for today, but they need it by tomorrow morning."

"Okay, I can handle that." Casey said with a shake of her head, there was always something with that school. "Hey, is your game still on Tuesday?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I am going to try and arrange to get out of court early then. I don't know if I will be able to pull it off, so I might be a little late, but Alex can get you there on time. Tonight, I will be late getting home though..." Before Casey could finish her sentence the call disconnected. Staring at the phone, she sighed deeply. "Bye."

Putting the phone back in her pocket, she reached the counter. "I'd like a large coffee with cream and sugar, please."

"Name?" The barista asked.

"Casey Novak?" Her name came from a man next to her.

Turning in his direction, she replied, "Yes."

"You've been served," he said handing her a large file of paperwork.

"Thank you." She muttered looking at the large envelope, before looking back up at the waiting barista.

"Name?" The woman repeated.

Rolling her eyes, she muttered, "Casey, obviously."

Standing to the side to wait for her coffee, she looked inside the packet. They were divorce papers from Charlie. The bold words of Divorce, Charles E. Williamson and Casey D. Novak, felt like a knife ripping through her. She knew they'd come, she just didn't know what to expect when they did. Here was her answer; despair, unexpected sadness, and sick to her stomach.

Stuffing the papers back in the envelope, she slipped them in her briefcase and picked up her coffee. Walking back to the elevator, she dialed Kim. Hearing the line connect, she blurted, "I need your help."

"Hello to you too, and no, I will not watch your kids."

Sighing, Casey muttered, "I have them taken care of, thank you very much."

"I know you do, I was kidding. I talked to Alex earlier. Owen wanted me to check in on them, and well I wanted to get to know her. She seems very nice." Kim replied warmly.

"Oh," Casey said as she waited for the lift, "Great. Anyway, I got my divorce papers. If I have my assistant fax you a copy will you look them over for me. I am going to read over them tonight. I just need to know I am not getting seriously fucked."

"Don't you have a prenuptial agreement?"

"Yes, we did, but it was void on our tenth anniversary. I don't want his family money or anything like that, I just want to make sure I am not missing anything when it comes to our mutual assets."

"Okay," Kim replied, "But can I ask why you don't just have Alex look over them? I mean you have an attorney sitting right at home with you. Why ask for my legal expertise? Not that I mind helping you."

"She already seems a little overwhelmed," Casey admitted as the elevator arrived. "I don't want to over do it with her."

"Is everything okay, Casey?" Kim asked sensing something more in her redheaded sister in law's voice.

"Everything is fine. I have to go now. I will have them faxed ASAP."

Disconnecting the call, Casey laid her head back against the wall. Honestly, nothing was fine. It may never really be fine again, and she felt guilty for that. She was worried about anything and everything. About the kids, Alex, and most of all Charlie. Charlie.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I hope you enjoy! Thank you so much for the reviews and support. Sorry about the delay, grad school has been crazy hectic. Luckily, I stole away to the beach for a few days and was able to finish this up. My class ends in a few weeks so posts should get better. :)**

 **Just know, that I am not happy if I am not writing, so we are suffering together when that happens. ;)**

* * *

 **"Home, is where I want to be**

 **But I guess I'm already there**

 **I come home she lifted up her wings**

 **I guess that this must be the place**

 **I can't tell one from the other**

 **Did I find you, or you find me?**

 **There was a time**

 **Before we were born**

 **If someone asks, this is where I'll be... where I'll be"**

 **This Must be the Place by The Lumineers**

* * *

"Here, Alex," Kate mumbled as she passed the phone back to it's owner.

Alex briefly looked at the phone and recognized that Kate had hung up on her mother. She knew the action would hurt Casey, but she also recognized the pain and hurt in the young girl's eyes. Frowning, she placed the phone down in a cup holder and asked, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

"You know, you don't have to lie to me." Alex said matter a factly. "I want you to know that I don't expect you to be my best friend right now. In truth, you may never be; but I want you to know and understand that you can always tell me anything. And with that privilege comes the knowledge that I will never betray your trust if you do talk to me."

She wasn't exactly sure what she was doing telling Kate all of that, she just felt like the young girl needed an outlet. It was a risky move, but someone needed to be there for the young girl, even if it meant having to take the beating of her fury. Kate needed help, and so did Casey. This was one way Alex could help them both.

"So, what, I can tell you how much I hate you and you won't tell my Mom?" The young girl tested.

"If that's how you feel yes, but you also have to tell me what's bothering you."

Kate was quiet for a moment before speaking, "My Mom said she was going to be late tonight and to my game tomorrow. It made me mad, I hung up on her." She paused then added, "I hate her. She never keeps her promises. She doesn't care about us. All she cares about is work."

"Do you know why she is going to be late?" Alex asked, as she navigated home.

"No," she muttered as she picked up the Range Rover booklet off of Danny's lap, "I don't care to hear her excuses."

"It's day one in court. Your Mom delivered a killer opening statement that shocked the defense attorneys. They weren't prepared to be hit so hard out the gate."

Alex paused to watch Kate's body language through the rear view mirror. Despite being quiet, she'd stopped flipping pages. She wanted to know about Casey.

"Then your Mom, took the most insignificant piece of evidence and turned it into her best weapon. She instantly won the jury's opinion, which freaked the whole defense team. They called an immediate recess which the judge granted and stalled court. That is why your Mom is going to be late."

"Because she is doing well?" Kate asked.

Alex smiled in response to the small one she noticed on the young girls face. "Yes, what did you think was the reason?"

Kate paused again, before resuming flipping of pages, "Nothing. I am glad that's the reason though. I like this one!" She announced slapping her finger down on the page.

"Which? I can't look," Alex said as she tried to make her way back towards the park, "Tell me about it."

"It's the darker silver one, with the black inside."

"Sounds nice."

"Is my Mom buying another car?" She asked.

"No," Alex answered as she stopped at a light. "Let me see which one." Taking the booklet, she examined the SUV the young girl had picked out. "It's really nice. Do you think I should get it?"

"Oh my god, really?" Kate exclaimed, "Yes!"

"Then I will, but only on one condition."

"What's that?" She asked with a frown.

"If your Mom is late tomorrow, you give her some slack. She wants to be there for you. She loves you more than anything." The blonde affirmed. Passing back the booklet as she began to accelerate again, she asked, "Can you do that for me?"

"Yeah, whatever." The young girl mumbled.

Alex couldn't help but smile to herself. She'd wanted to wait on Casey to choose a car, but somehow having both kids input seemed to trump that decision. Plus, Casey had already mentioned to her about getting another Range Rover, so, in a way, she'd already gotten the redhead's input.

Seeing the apartment garage come into sight, she grinned, "One more thing, don't tell you Mom, lets surprise her tomorrow."

"Deal," the young brunette agreed with a small smile.

* * *

That evening when Casey unlocked the apartment door, she was instantly met with the smell of baking. Feeling slightly confused, she called out, "Hello family!"

"Hey," Alex's warm voice called out from down the hall, "We are in the kitchen."

Her blonde girlfriend seemed to be in a much more relaxed mood, which was a clear contrast from earlier. That fact alone settled Casey, yet she was curious about what made such a change. Alex had kept telling her things would get better, but she didn't imagine it to come quickly. It gave her a looming feeling of doom, which was a feeling she got often in poorly supported court cases. That feeling of when would the other shoe drop.

Walking down the hallway, she could hear Kate laugh a little. It was a sound that had been absent from her ears since Charlie left, and one she missed hearing. Wondering what had made her daughter laugh, she reached the doorway, only to discover a sight she didn't expect.

Her daughter and Alex were standing on opposite sides of the counter, while Alex was taking cookies from a baking sheet and passing them to Kate, who was busily stacking them into neat rows. She wasn't surprised by the action of baking, it was more the happy expressions on each of their faces. As if on cue, Alex looked up and smiled boldly. The blonde's smile always had a way of stealing her breath, the way it lit up her blue eyes was mesmerizing.

"You got home earlier than we expected," she spoke pulling Casey back into the present.

"Yeah," She answered softly. As her shock wore off, Casey shook her head clear, "I grabbed my files from the office and came straight home. I will have to work late tonight, but I wanted to make it home for dinner. What are we having?"

Alex smiled, "Well, Kate and I ordered pizza, and Danny is eating ginger snaps."

"Ginger snaps?" Casey questioned as she again looked over the messy kitchen.

"Yes, it helped his tummy settle, he is asleep now in his bed, but I expect him up within the hour," Alex said walking over to her girlfriend. Looking the redhead in the eyes, she gave her a cookie, "Why don't you go get changed into something comfortable and join us for dinner?"

"Yeah, sure," a still confused Casey said, as she turned and headed towards her bedroom.

Turning back to Kate, Alex continued, "Why don't you go set the table and I will finish up here?"

"I'm still mad at her," Kate whispered.

"She got home early, cut her some slack."

"Why did she even have kids?" The young girl grumbled as she ignored the request to set the table and continued to stack cookies.

"Because she wanted you more than anything. Listen, give your mother a chance. She hasn't had a fair shot. She's pretty amazing when you get to know her." Alex bumped the young girls shoulder as she finished her statement.

"Fine," Kate huffed as she grabbed a cookie and started to the table, reaching the door she turned and looked at Alex, "The cookies are good."

"Thank you."

Watching the girl leave, Alex shook her head. She hadn't expected telling Kate that she could speak her mind would work as well as it had, especially in the short amount of time. The young girl had taken to speaking very freely, and while she was still super guarded with Alex and even mean at times, she'd taken to asking a lot of questions about Casey.

Kate wanted to know how they met and what her mother use to be like before she was born. The young girl was surprised to find out that Casey use to be relaxed and goofy. She was also shocked to discover her mother use to be a complete sports nut. Her father had told her about softball but nothing else had been shared. It seemed to Alex that Charlie had only shared the information that he deemed pertinent when it came to who Casey was, a fact which made Alex sad.

Casey was an amazing person, and her kids deserved to know her for who she really was. When Alex had returned from Witsec for good, she'd been shocked to see a mere shell of the person she'd once known. The vibrant young woman she'd fallen in love with all those years ago was gone, and all that was left was an overworked, dulled out version of the person she use to know.

But, Alex didn't care. She loved Casey and was determined to show he redhead how deep her love truly went. The last week had been so telling too. From the moment, Casey had told her about the divorce she's seen bits and pieces of the old Casey start to shine through. So, Now came the hard part, battling the situation with the kids and helping Casey find herself again.

As she finished cleaning up the kitchen, she smiled at memory of answering Kate's questions. Each piece of information seemed to light up the young girls face. Kate clearly loved her mother, but was hurt by the confusion and lack of understanding in the reasons responsible for her parents marriage falling apart. Yet, as happy as she was with today's outcome, she knew that the young girl would probably continue the tumultuous hot and cold act until she processed the pain she felt. It was the part that made Alex's heart hurt, because she knew it would require her to grow up too fast.

* * *

Casey walked into her bedroom and to her sitting area. Laying her briefcase down in front of her she unlocked it and pulled the divorce papers back out. Slowly reading over the document, she noted several things.

One, Charlie wanted her out of the apartment, but he was willing to give her a month to move once the divorce was finalized. This didn't upset her, she was alright with this actually. She knew she would never be able to afford the apartment on her salary, and she didn't feel right having him pay for it while she lived in it.

Condition two was a bit more shocking. He amended all their mutual investments to her name only. He didn't want a single share of their stocks or a dime of their dividends. Charlie came from money and had never wanted for anything, maybe this was his way of trying to keep Casey and the kids comfortable. It just perplexed her. She didn't know what to think. In a way, she felt like she was waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop.

Then came the part she found very interesting. It was an amendment to settle custody at the divorce proceedings. It meant Charlie would be back for them. Not to mention, they were taking place in a few weeks at the end of the month. That part both scared and excited her. She didn't know what to expect from him.

Hearing the bedroom door open, she quickly stuffed the papers back into her bag. She didn't want to discuss them with Alex just yet. She felt as if their was another dagger waiting to hit her. She couldn't throw that stress on Alex as well. She wasn't even sure how she wanted to proceed.

"Hey babe," Alex's voice called out from her doorway.

"Yes," she answered as she heard the blonde approach. Looking up to see a warm smile on the blonde's red lips, she couldn't help but smile in return. "You look so gorgeous. I don't know how you manage to look this put together after the day you've had."

Letting Casey pull her into her lap, Alex looked into her girlfriends eyes. She could see something was bothering the redhead by the darker hue to her normally bright green irises. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, court has just been rough today. I will tell you more about it after dinner." She felt guilty not being completely honest with the blonde, but she figured she tell her soon enough.

Kissing the redheads lips softly, Alex smiled against them, "Well, my dear, dinner is ready."

"Let's eat then," she replied kissing her once more before helping her up. She'd tell Alex soon enough.

* * *

"Here's good," Casey said shoving a twenty at the cabbie, "I will run the rest of the way."

"At's like 3 blocks from the parking for the fields, are you sure?" The thick New Yorker asked.

"Yes, at this rate I will miss it," she answered as she grabbed her briefcase and climbed from the cab.

Running down the sidewalks lining the park in her high heels, she cursed her poor choice in footwear. The game already started twenty minutes ago and she couldn't risk missing it due to traffic. With her bag bouncing against her back as she fought to move forward in the direction of the park, she kept praying she'd make it in time.

Finally seeing the field in sight, she slowed down. It didn't take long for her to spot Alex on the bleachers watching the game. The only confusing part for her was the fact that Danny was missing. Sprinting to the bleachers, she gasped, "Where's Danny?"

"Hey babe," Alex said with a smile, "I sent you a message earlier, did you not get it?"

Confusion falling over her face, Casey frowned, "I haven't even looked at my phone since leaving court. I just fought to get here as quickly as possible."

"My Uncle Bill came to town he stopped by earlier to bring Danny and I soup before Kate got out of school. He and I thought it was a bad idea to take Daniel to the game with a fever, so he offer to baby sit this evening," the blonde seemed proud of her choice, until uncertainty took over, "I, I hope that's okay."

"It's perfectly fine," Casey gasped still catching her breath as she took a seat next to Alex, "I think it's the best decision. Can I have your drink?"

"Yes, it's a coke. I got us nachos too." Alex conveyed.

"Sounds wonderful," She replied as something on Alex's right hand caught her eye. It was a bezel set diamond ring encircled in a pave set belt of tiny diamonds that also continued down the band, along with a matching wedding band. Casey knew the ring well, it had been Alex's mothers. "You are wearing Katherine's rings," she whispered upon recognition.

"Yes," Alex answered with a small smile. "Uncle Bill was gone for my trial, but when he got back today, his first stop was to the bank to retrieve them from the safety deposit box. He wanted me to have them."

"She would be so happy to know that you are wearing them," the redhead replied weakly. She still missed the older blonde terribly.

Alex didn't say anything, she just squeezed the redheads hand in understanding. She knew if she spoke she's cry, and right now wasn't the time for tears, it was time for watching softball. The couple sat quietly watching the game, until the coach made a bad call.

"What is that moron doing? He is telling that girl to hit all wrong!" Casey snapped.

"Maybe he has a plan?" Alex suggested having no clue what was going on in the sport.

"He clearly has no idea what he is doing," she chided. "If he did, he would pull her back from the plate and have her position her bat up some to get a better follow through on each swing."

"Have you played softball before?" A dad two rows in front turned to ask.

"Yeah," Casey said with a sly smile. "I played in high school and college."

"You should coach them!" Another dad exclaimed. "He doesn't know what he's doing!"

"I agree," the mom next to Alex added.

The blonde laughed, "I think you've started a mutiny."

"I think you are right," she laughed. "I've got an idea," she added as she kissed the blonde's cheek and stepped down from the bleachers.

Alex could only smile as the redhead entered the dugout and offered to help the confused dad. Draping her blue pea coat over Kate's bat kit, she grabbed a spare baseball cap and stepped up to the plate. Positioning the next girl, she stepped back letting the girl swing. The ball instantly connected with the bat, letting forth a cracking sound before the ball flew forward, soaring over the center of the field and straight to the outfield. All the girls in the dugout squealed with delight as Casey smiled at a beaming Kate.

Now, Alex found the game interesting. Casey continued to coach the rest of the game leading the girls to another win. As they left the field, Alex completely forgot about the surprise she had for the redhead, she was too engrossed listening to Kate go on and on with how awesome Casey was for helping coach the game. In her mind, nothing could be better than this moment, watching mother an daughter bond, it was beautiful.

Suddenly, as they reached the parking lot Casey quieted as she scanned the lot. "Um, guys, where is my car?"

"Oh!" Kate exclaimed as she smiled boldly.

"Right!" Alex added.

Casey frowned at the two, "What? Did you take a cab or something?"

"No," Alex smiled looking at Kate. Passing the young brunette the keys, she added, "Would you like to do the honors?"

"Why, yes!" Kate laughed taking the key and pressing the unlock button, suddenly lighting up the dark silver Range Rover before them.

Casey could only burst into an ecstatic laugh, "Alex, you didn't!"

"Oh, I did. You can take you teeny tiny car back. I have my own now," She relayed with a broad smile.

Walking to the car, Casey opened the doors looking around as Alex opened the trunk so Kate could toss her bag in. "Do you like it?"

"You even bought a booster seat!" Casey laughed not answering the question.

"I'll take that as a yes," the blonde continued, helping Kate in, before guiding Casey to the passenger seat.

"It's amazing. So nice..." The redhead trailed.

"Yep, that's a yes." The blonde laughed closing the door on her engrossed girlfriend. Crossing the SUV, she climbed into the drivers seat. "Now, let's go home."

The statement felt real to Alex. Wherever Casey and the kids were was home to her. She just hoped the redhead felt the same.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the insanely long wait. A lot has happened since I last posted, but I never forgot about my loyal readers. It has pained me to not be able to finish this story. Also, please be assured that I am trying to start writing again. Hopefully, I can update again in the next month. Please feel free to leave reviews, reading the ones you all have left in the past energized me to write this chapter. :)**

 **Enjoy,**

 **Elle**

* * *

 **"My blood**

 **Gets heavy when you're near**

 **A stone**

 **I'm sinking when you're here**

 **Stacks and stacks of broken letters**

 **I surrender, I remember**

 **Way up high, felt like forever**

 **Now everything is gone"**

 **Gone by Ofelia K**

* * *

The rain splattered on the windshield of Casey's Audi like a symphonic melody to her confusion. She sat weighted down in traffic again, not moving, leaving her far too long with her thoughts. It had been over a week since she'd received the divorce papers and she still hadn't told Alex. Mediation day was fast approaching, and she wasn't sure how to proceed.

Stretching her back, she thought to her conversation with Kim the day before...

" _Casey, I'm telling you there is something fishy with these papers. He is giving you all your mutual investments, but not laying out a custody arrangement. I think he's going to try to take sole custody. You should petition the courts for it now," her sister in law stressed over the phone._

" _Kim," Casey sighed over the line while pacing the courthouse conference room, "Charlie isn't like that-"_

" _Stop telling me what he's like!" Kim yelled into the phone, "Divorce makes even the nicest people turn into demon spawns."_

" _He isn't like that-"_

" _Casey," the brunette again interrupted, "I don't tell you how to prosecute sex crimes, so you don't tell me how divorces work. This is my profession."_

" _Okay," Casey conceded. "I just don't think that's how he is going to be. Maybe I'm wrong..."_

" _What does Alex think?"_

 _Casey sighed as she sat on the edge of the large table, "I haven't told her yet."_

" _Why?" Kim asked._

" _Because I'm confused about everything."_

" _About what? About Charlie?"_

" _About his intentions. About the kids. About life!" She confessed, "I love Alex. I can't imagine being without her again, what if all of this proves to be a huge battle in the end."_

" _Then you will need her," Kim stressed, "That's why you have to tell her."_

Casey knew her sister-in-law was right. She needed to be honest and tell Alex tonight. She needed the blondes support. She just hated that Kim could also be right about Charlie. Her mind felt as if it were going a billion miles an hour and she was spinning out of control. She just wanted it to stop the overdrive cycle.

Watching the rain fall harder on the windshield, Casey called home. It only took the phone a few rings for an exasperated Kate to answer the phone. "Hey Mom."

Casey smiled at the neutral tone of her daughter. It was a nice contrast to the usual curt sound to her voice. "Hey Katie Cat, I wanted to let you all know that I'm on my way home, I'm just caught in horrible traffic."

"Okay," the younger girl answered, "Do you want to tell Alex?"

"No, sweetie. The rain is awful. I need to get off the phone so I can focus on the road. Can you tell her?"

"Sure. See you when you get here."

"Okay, I love you-" Casey attempted to finish before her daughter hung up.

She was so ready to be home, but at the snails pace she was moving it would be another hour before she reached her door. Rolling her neck side to side, she let out a deep sigh. More than being home what she needed were answers. Answers and a stiff drink.

Pressing a button on her steering wheel, she said, "Call Charlie."

The pulsing tone coming over the Bluetooth had her heart beating a million miles an hour. She took a shaky breath expecting his voice to enter her ears. If she was being honest with herself she missed the sound of it...

"What, Case?" His voice suddenly hit her full force causing her to jump.

"Hi," she managed to squeak out.

He sighed into the phone, "I take it you are calling about the papers?"

She thought he sounded weak. "How are you doing?"

"Remember what I said last time?" He scoffed, "You lose the right to ask those questions. "I know you got the papers. Are you unhappy with something?"

"The custody. I'm surprised you didn't outline it." She finally admitted.

"Did you want me to arrange everything for you? I swear you..." he stopped and took a few breaths, "I figured we could work it out at mediation."

"That's what I thought," she sighed a breath of relief, "I just wanted to make sure."

"I'm sure," he snorted.

Casey sighed and rolled her eyes at his tone, "You don't have to be so short."

"Casey, you have no right to even say such a thing to me. I don't know how you can be so selfish. You cheated on me and I took you back. You promised to change and I believed you. Then the whore you cheated with cane back, and you left me for her!" He was yelling by the time he finished.

"I'm sorry," she attempted only to be cut off.

"Stop!" He yelled again, "I'm so tired of your worthless lies."

"I'm not lying," she tried only to be cut off again.

"I've got to go," he sounded really angry. "I'll see you when I get back."

"Okay," she whispered before the line went dead.

Suddenly, she was thankful for the traffic, because she could not stop the tears from escaping her eyes. She didn't regret her decisions, but she did hate that she'd ever hurt Charlie.

* * *

"The doctor said Daniel would be good to go back to school on Monday as long as he takes it easy the first week back. I checked with his school, and they said he wouldn't be required to go to PE," Alex spoke, as she watched the redhead staring out the large floor to ceiling windows of her bedroom study.

She couldn't help but feel as if every word had fallen upon deaf ears. Casey seemed so mesmerized by the pounding rain and intense lightening, her darkened green eyes transfixed on the elements and hand pressed against the glass as if to get closer. Nothing Alex said seemed to have earned a response from the entranced woman. It was starting to alarm her.

She knew the trial was a major source of stress for the redhead, and the rather stiff drink Casey had fixed upon arriving home had indicated that she was worked up about something. Yet, it seemed as if she was winning based on feedback, so Alex didn't understand the distance she was receiving. Something was wrong, things had become difficult over the last two days, even if Casey wouldn't acknowledge it.

From the moment Casey had arrived home both days, she'd been cold and withdrawn. But it was only with Alex.

"Hey, babe," she attempted, only to be tuned out again. Sighing, she shook her head and snapped, "Casey!"

Jolting in place, the startled woman turned. As her stony expression softened, she quietly responded, "I'm sorry, babe, what were you saying?"

"Screw that, what is the deal with you? You have been silent and withdrawn the last few days. What's going on? Is it the case? Do you think you are going to lose?"

Now Casey sighed, as she took a seat on the love seat next to the window. Letting her head fall down to look at her hands resting in her lap, she replied, "It's not the case, it's Charlie."

"What about Charlie?" Alex questioned, sitting opposite the redhead.

"He served me with papers. We go before the judge next Friday as long as a verdict is back in my trial."

The shock that fell on Alex's face was alarming. "Wow, that isn't much time. Are you okay with everything, you know the terms? Is that even legal to serve you with papers, and immediately take you to court in a weeks time?"

"He served me a week ago, Al," Casey nervously breathed.

"What?" She questioned, ice filling her voice as she stood. Her courtroom stance was quickly fixed on her as she moved a few feet away.

Looking at the ground, Casey pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. Kim was right, she should have told Alex from the start. "I got the papers the day the trial started."

"That was a week and a half ago," Alex said looking towards the door. "Why didn't you tell me? Are you reconsidering?"

"No!" Casey exclaimed standing and moving quickly to Alex's side. "I'd never reconsider, I love you."

Alex pulled away needing the space to control her rushing emotions. She didn't know exactly how she felt, she just knew that she needed time to process them. It was her turn to stand at the window. It was her moment to zone out.

Casey knew she needed the right words, she needed something to fix this mess. She could see the doubt on Alex's face even if she wouldn't express her fears. She'd caused that doubt. "Alex, I could tell you were overwhelmed that first day. I didn't want to stress you out with the divorce. I had Kim look over the paperwork and I scanned it as well. Everything was clean. Charlie is actually being quite nice about everything."

"Then why did you wait this long to tell me?" The blonde bit out. "Why have you been acting distance the last few days?"

"I've been stressed!" She snapped back, "I am sorry I didn't tell you, it was wrong I know, but I was trying to spare you the stress of dealing with it. You've been great with the kids and me. I just wanted to come home and enjoy that, not have to deal with this!"

"With what? Telling your supposed girlfriend about the fact you were getting divorced? Don't you think I might want to know that?"

"Yes," Casey whispered, as her stupidity hit her full course as she realized just how ridiculous she'd been. "I'm sorry. I didn't want us to both stress over it. I was being selfish. I just wanted to come home and be Casey and Alex, not Casey, Alex and Charlie."

"You don't get it Casey. We will always be Casey, Alex and Charlie...especially when you pull stunts like this..."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I thought I was helping."

"Not even close. If you want this relationship to work, you can't keep things from me." Alex bitterly whispered as she walked towards the door. "I'll be in the guest room."

Casey could tell Alex was starting to cry, as she left the room. She didn't know what to do to fix their current situation. She thought she was helping. Maybe she didn't know how to be in a functional relationship. She'd been in a bad one with Charlie for so long, she didn't know what being in a proper one really entailed.

Lying down on the love seat, she watched the storm outside. She was always amazed at how her children could sleep through such a ruckus. She could never sleep during storms they panicked her too much. Maybe it was a sign that they would be stronger than her. Lord knows, she prayed for them to be, and maybe as a result, they would avoid all of her mistakes in life as well.

Watching the sky in silence, she started thinking over all of her choices and paths she'd taken. There were the right ones and the wrong ones. Still, the many paths had led her here. Mapping the rushing clouds she thought about every choice, every word that had led her to this moment. As the lightening danced across the sky and loud booms filled the air, she finally found peace in her heart.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I'm glad you all enjoyed the chapter. :) I hope you enjoy this one as well.**

* * *

 **"If you take the kids and go**

 **I can't blame you for the things you know**

 **And when I'm out there on the road**

 **I think of you and those kids at home"**

 **10,000 Weight in Gold by The Head and the Heart**

* * *

Casey stood in her bathroom looking at herself in the mirror. Inspecting herself for any flaws. She needed to look perfect today for two reasons and two reasons only.

A potential verdict, and mediation.

Her trial of the century was finished with the exception of the jury's answer. If the defendant was found guilty it would have life changing possibilities for her. Doors would open to show her the way to the District Attorney position. Sacrifices she'd made in raising her children would instantly be worth it. However, if she lost...

She shook her head clear. She couldn't afford to think that way. Not today, not ever.

Looking back into the mirror she fixed the hairs she'd caused to go astray, finished applying her lipstick, and sprayed some perfume. Now she looked complete. She was ready for war.

Turning to leave the marbled room she looked to Charlie's side. To the cabinet where his medicine stayed when he left. It was so unlike him to be so careless. End of marriage or not, he'd never been that careless. She truly hoped he was taking care of himself. Frowning, she realized she'd know for sure today just how he was doing.

It was a hard pill to swallow, not caring for the person she considered her best friend. Yes, at one point in life they'd been lovers, but for her, that had ended before the conception of Kate. An affair, two kids and a decade could change so much.

Trying to leave the painful thoughts behind, she walked into her room, making her way to the closet. The apartment seemed so quiet. It was a nice change to the chaos that had been occurring while Rosita was out. The blessed nanny already had the kids en route to school.

Casey had almost gotten used to Danny playing on the floor of the closet while she dressed in the morning. And, she definitely missed Kate's scowl from her bed. All while Alex had tried to play caregiver.

A smile suddenly spread across her face at the thought of the blonde. Even if their relationship had been a little bumpy over the last week, Casey was forever thankful to have the stubborn Ice Queen back in her life.

Finally locating the right heels, Casey slipped them on and looked at herself once more in the mirror. She felt so prepared, but was at the mercy of everyone else today. It was how it tended to go for an attorney, but the fact that Charlie held all the cards today made her paralyzingly uneasy.

"Are you ready, yet?" Kim's curt voice stopped her thoughts instantly.

Turning to face her sister in law, Casey replied a steady, "Yes."

"I'm glad," the brunette sighed as she placed her hand on her burgeoning belly.

Casey smiled, but knew more was to come.

"You should have let me file for custody for you."

There it was. Clear as day.

"Charlie said we'd sort it out today," Casey started only to be interrupted.

"He's unpredictable!" Kim snapped, "Even Alex agreed with me. What are you going to do if he argues that you are too absent to be a parent?"

"He travels numerous months out of the year," Casey countered, "I live in the same city as them. It will never stand."

"Job's change Casey, and he's been there primary caretaker until this occurred."

"Knock, knock!" Came Alex's voice from outside the bedroom interrupting the argument at the perfect time. "I let myself in because you two were obviously arguing too loud to hear the door."

"You hit that nail on the head," Kim grumbled as she turned to leave, "And your brother agrees too!" She yelled as she exited.

Alex smirked at the clearly angry redhead, "Fun morning?"

"You can never agree with her again," Casey answered before kissing the blonde hello.

"No deal," Alex whispered before kissing her again, "You might become a dictator if that happened."

Casey laughed for the first time that morning. Even when they were stressed Alex could find the perfect words to cut the tension.

* * *

The drive to the courthouse was too easy that morning. Casey didn't know if it was a good sign or a bad one though. She had court until four in the afternoon unless a verdict came in earlier. Then she had mediation at four thirty.

It would be a roller coaster day. Court would be easy for the most part. She'd sit in the ADA conference room until called for a dismissal for lunch and then later the day. Mediation would be the rough part. It would be the first time she'd see Charlie in weeks, only to end their marriage and wreck their kids lives.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm herself as Alex led the way from the parking garage to the elevator and eventually into the courtroom. Then she'd worn the appropriate game face until dismissed to the conference room.

In a way, the redhead felt like she'd been on autopilot. She barely even remembered the journey. She didn't even remember sitting in a chair near the window or have any recollection of how long she'd been there.

Suddenly, Alex touched her arm and brought her back to earth. "Would you like some water?"

Green eyes locked onto blue, and Casey found herself suddenly so fearful. "Do you think I made a mistake?"

At first Alex thought she meant the case, but then she recognized the look in Casey's eyes. It was pure terror. "Case..."

"Fuck," she exclaimed as she leaned forward placing her head on her knees, "How bad?"

Alex rubbed her back, "If it becomes a custody battle we will pull every string in the book. But right now, look me in the eyes."

Taking a hard breath, Casey sat up and looked at her girlfriend as tears streamed from her eyes.

"You can't worry about it right now. You just can't. You can't go back in time and change it now. You just have to wait till four thirty."

Casey nodded and whispered a meek, "I know," before wiping her cheeks, "I just can't lose them completely. Not now. I have so much -" her voice cracked as a sob broke free.

"I know-" Alex began before a knock came at the door. It was a bailiff.

"Ms. Novak," he started before seeing her state and diverting his eyes back to the hallway, "You are needed back in court."

A verdict was in.

* * *

Again, as if on autopilot, Casey's mind stopped focusing. She cleaned herself up, fixed her makeup and hair, and made her journey again back to court. Game face fixed, she tried to be her usual demanding and strong self. It was a total contrast to the way she felt. Inside she felt as it she was being violently torn to pieces.

The day couldn't end quickly enough.

The bailiff from the hallway appeared at the doorway to the judges chambers and bellowed, "All rise for the honorable Judge Petrovsky." Eliciting a small jump from Casey who was still trapped in her head.

Alex sensing Casey's disconnect attempted to make her laugh. "Yay, our favorite," she whispered before they stood. She loved seeing a small smile form on Casey's lips.

Trying to focus, Casey responded, "Let's play ball."

Casey's eyes were glued to the petite older judge as she walked to the bench. Most of Casey's SVU career had been bringing cases before this woman. And the fact that a case of this magnitude had been brought before her was terrifying.

Petrovsky was known for being firm and sometimes brutal. Everyone at the DA's office had panicked when she'd been selected even Jack McCoy. However, Casey had been her usual cocky self and not batted an eye at it. She knew the system and what to say to win a jury quickly. However, she hadn't anticipated they would take five days to deliberate. That had caused huge concern and lots of whiskey to be consumed at night. She'd known that they needed to hurry up and make a decision before the elder judge called a mistrial. Casey was completely shocked that it hadn't come two days prior.

Maybe Petrovsky was going soft. Or maybe Casey had one the judges opinion during court.

Taking her seat, Petrovsky began, "You may sit, it seems the jury has finally reached an agreement."

The sudden cacophony that erupted was quickly squashed by the elder judge and her gavel. "Quiet in my court!" Silence befell, and she continued, "Bailiff, is the jury ready?"

The man nodded, and left the room. The defense began whispering to Mr. Hamilton. Casey couldn't help but shoot the evil man a smirk of disapproval.

"It's showtime," Alex whispered as the door reopened.

Again, Casey's head was buzzing. It must have been adrenaline overload. All she could recognize was Petrovsky's lips moving, they were standing, and suddenly the elected juror speaking.

"We the people of the jury find the defendant, Marcus Hamilton..."

* * *

The familiar clicking sound of her heels moving swiftly across the floors of the courthouse was all Casey could register. The people that parted before her, like the Red Sea had for Moses, seemed to have gone mute. Between the clicking and her pulse in her ears, Casey was momentarily deaf. She knew people were talking to her. She knew she should respond to Liv and Elliot, to everyone who'd supported her through this messy case, but she couldn't. Now was her time to address the press.

As her hand took the door to push it open, she looked back at Alex who waited for her to exit. It was that look that said this is your moment. She nodded an understanding and pushed hard, letting the blast of cold air envelop her as she exited the historic building.

The moment she exited reporters were screaming her name. All sound instantly resumed in her head, and the world was howling at her. Walking forward down the first set of steps, she positioned herself at the top of the landing.

Taking a deep breath she began, "Good afternoon, I am Senior Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak. I was the head prosecutor leading the case against Mr. Hamilton, and I am here today to announce that the state is pleased to inform the public that the jury found Mr. Hamilton guilty on all charges of first degree rape and murder, and felony embezzlement."

The uproar of the crowd of reporters was phenomenal. She'd addressed the press after wins before, but had never received this sort of feedback. Looking back towards the courthouse she saw her support. A smiling Alex. Those blue eyes lit with approval. In that moment, Casey knew without Alex her moment to shine like this never would have been possible.

She'd won more than a case. She'd won her moment to win public approval. Every sacrifice she'd made was finally worth it.

Now, she just had to win her kids, otherwise this monumental moment wouldn't be worth it.

* * *

Four thirty came all to quickly. By the time she finished with the press, returned to the DA's office to be congratulated by everyone including the Murray the security guard, laughed off suggestions of running for Mayor, and finally made it to her office, it was time to head back to the courthouse. Today was insane to put it simply.

She and Alex had snagged a cab to the DA's office, and were now grabbing one to return to the courthouse. Standing silently side by side, Casey could feel her heart rate begin to accelerate again. Clearly worse this time. Placing a hand to her chest, she took a sharp inhale.

Alex turned to look at her. "Are you okay?"

"It's anxiety," Casey admitted, "normally, I'd pop a Xanax, but I need my wits about me. If I don't, Kim might beat me up later." She was attempting to make a joke regarding her hormonal sister in law, but even she didn't laugh.

The blonde played along and gave a weak smile, "I know we turned the officers down on a celebration tonight, but pending everything goes well, I think we should crash their party."

As a cab pulled up to them, Casey frowned, "I don't think either way I will feel like partying."

Alex opened the door but stood in its way, "Are you sure you want this?"

At that moment, Casey finally pieced the puzzle of Alex's feelings together. "Is that what this is? You think I regret my decision to get divorced?"

"Yeah, I worry about it. Not originally, but since this last week I suppose -" she found her words being cut off my Casey's lips instantly pressed to hers. It was quick, but full of passion. When she pulled back, Alex couldn't help but want for more.

"I don't regret the divorce. I hate that it's hurting my kids, and my best friend. I may not romantically love Charlie, but I love him like family. And I hate that he's hurting the way he is...I hope you can understand that," she admitted.

Alex gave her a nod and stepped aside. Casey climbed in without another word and Alex joined her. Giving the cabbie their impending location, the couple began discussing the upcoming changes.

"What do you want to do about your housing?" Alex asked sympathetically as she took Casey's hand in hers. She wanted to invite them to move in with her, but she felt that wasn't a long term wise decision for the kids.

Casey hummed, "I hate shopping for real estate. Honestly, I haven't even begun searching. I wanted to know my final financial situation before I launched myself down that road."

Looking outside the window at the darkening sky and cold streets Alex nodded in understanding, "Well, finances aside, what would you like? Maybe I can help you search."

Casey looked at the woman sitting next to her. Her black overcoat, bright blonde hair, black framed glasses, pale white skin and rosy cheeks. She was gorgeous always. Especially in this moment.

"A warehouse apartment. Lots of rustic windows, open floor plan. Loft area for the kids, with bedrooms upstairs. I want to stand in the kitchen look up and yell for them to quiet down. A small balcony patio setup. Lots of white washed bricks. I want a real family looking space." She confessed. "That's what I've dreamed of since Danny was born. A space that was me."

Seeing the courthouse come back in to view, Alex replied, "Then that is what I will look for." Addressing the cabbie, she continued, "Will you please pull around the back, we are going to enter through the attorney entrance."

"Thank you," Casey responded. She'd had enough of the press for the day. The excitement for her win was fantastic, but she didn't need that before sitting in a judge included mediation.

* * *

Standing in a fifth floor conference room of the courthouse Casey felt a bit awkward. She wasn't use to being on the family court level. As a matter of a fact, the last time she was on this floor was two years prior when a kid had been shot to death in front of her.

Forcing those memories away, she turned to her sister in law. "So, this is your show, what do we do?"

"Well, first and foremost, Alex," Kim addressed, "You will wait here for us to return. It would not look favorable for you to join. Second, Casey, I need you to remember you are not acting as your own counsel. You leave that up to me."

Biting her bottom lip, she nodded in agreement, "Okay," she eventually answered, "No pulling an Alex."

"Hey!" Alex exclaimed, "I only did that once."

Rolling her eyes, Kim continued, "I have a few tricks planned if the custody goes astray. You need to let me run that show. Stay calm at all times. Do you promise me?"

Casey winced at these words, Kim used to be a hothead back in her prosecution days, which were short lived thank god, but she was a very successful divorce attorney. "Fine, you have my word."

A big smile formed on the pregnant woman's face, "Fantastic, that's what I love to hear!"

Again came a knock at the door, and again a bailiff said it was time. Once more, Casey felt as if she were on autopilot. Maybe it was her body's way of keeping her safe today.

As the door to the small intimate court proceedings opened, she was surprised to find nothing more than a table and chairs. It was nothing like her courtrooms downstairs. Clearly she needed to explore the old building more.

From the other side, Charlie's attorney, Bruce Coffey, entered with another young man that Casey didn't know. It must have been one of his apprentices here to see an easy case. Yet, there was no Charlie.

Then the bailiff again secured their attention with an all rise for the Honorable Judge Anne Sciola.

 _Shit_ , Casey thought to herself. It was the same judge from that horrible day on this floor. What were her chances?

"Good afternoon," she addressed as she took her seat at the head of the table, "And I think we should all say a quick congratulations to Ms. Novak on her win today."

Kim gave Casey a knowing nod, as the other counsel added a, "Here, here."

The judge continued, "So, today we are looking over the dissolution of marriage between Charles E. Williamson and Casey D. Novak, however, I see Mr. Williamson is absent from the proceedings today, why is that?"

Casey perked up, she was just as curious in this matter especially since they were supposed to be hashing out custody arrangements. Kim swapped a folder with another on the table as opposing counsel prepared to explain. Watching the movements Casey promptly felt like she'd made a deal with the devil.

Clearing his throat, Bruce began, "Mr. Williamson was unable to meet his connecting flight on his return trip from Hong Kong. He wanted to make it here your Honor, but the matters were out of his hands."

"Well," Judge Sciola began in a frustrated tone let's take a look at things, "I see the couple has agreed on all terms accept custody, is that still true for all agreed upon terms?"

"Yes, your Honor," Kim answered, quickly followed by opposing counsel.

"Good," The Judge continued as she stamped and signed off on the dissolution of marriage, "Then I declare you divorced. Now as for custody of the minors?"

Kim hesitated, she clearly wanted to know what Charlie had in mind before she made her attack. Casey felt like she was watching a shark circle it's wounded prey. She couldn't help but wonder if opposing counsel felt the same.

Bruce cleared his throat again, "Mr. Williamson is requesting primary custody of the minor children. Preferably a 90/10 split. He is offering Ms. Novak an every other weekend arrangement only. He is also requesting that he get the children on all holidays and make all primary decisions regarding their care. He would like this arrangement to go in effect immediately. The children in the meantime will be transported by their nanny to Mr. Williamson's family residence until Ms. Novak's next available time sharing."

Casey instantly felt as if she'd been gutted like a fish. She was sure she looked as if all color had drained from her skin. It was almost an out of body experience for her to hear what followed.

"On what grounds does Mr. Williamson have for making such an outdated plea of my court?" The judge had questioned.

"Mr. Williamson is the primary caretaker your Honor. Ms. Novak could not even find time to care for a child sick with the flu the past few weeks-" Bruce attempted only to be cut off by Kim's attack.

"I object your Honor," She began as she forcefully slid her swapped folder across to the judge. "Ms. Novak, as you know is one of the states lead and may I add best prosecutors. She may not always be free to sit at home and care for her children when they are sick, but are we now a community that punishes working mother's? Let her record stand for itself, she goes above and beyond to ensure that all victims get justice. Are we suggesting all parents to quit their jobs and stay home?"

Removing her hand from the file to allow the judge to take it, Kim continued, "We are requesting that Ms. Novak be granted sole custody from henceforth until Mr. Williamson return to set up a new arrangement. He left town abruptly, and has not contacted his children once since leaving. I beg to wonder how he was even informed of his son's illness."

The air was suddenly still in the small room, and Casey couldn't even be sure if she was breathing. She felt blindsided by Charlie. Even if everyone had warned her, she didn't think he'd actually try to dismember their family like that.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Judge Sciola continued, "After hearing Ms. Greylek's appeal, and listening to her argument, I concur. The minor children, Katherine and Daniel Williamson should be placed into the sole custody of their mother until further notice."

"Your Honor!" Bruce interjected only to be stopped.

"Mr. Coffey save it for when your client is again stateside. He clearly has shown no regard in there care in the last few months. Furthermore, I find it astonishing that he would request that the children be removed from their mother's care when he himself is not even in the country at this time. And I do find his argument of her parenting quite archaic." With that the Judge signed whatever order Kim had prepared before court.

As she stood to dismiss, she turned to Casey, "Ms. Novak, I am sure today has been a tumultuous one for you. I want it clear," she looked towards Bruce, "for the record," before locking eyes again with Casey, "you have my personal permission to go celebrate if you wish. I again congratulate you on helping to keep our city streets a little safer."

With that Judge Sciola left.

And Casey suddenly had sole custody of her children. The last thing she'd ever expected to have...


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Yes, I am back. :) I am officially working on this story. And loving every minute. Enjoy!**

 **P.S. I love the reviews, and my wife laughs at how many times I read them! So, keep them coming because they are fueling my writing. Oh, and to the faithful reviewers that begged for updates, I saw them in January and they hit home. I made a goal to fix myself up after reading them, and well now here we are! Thank you.**

* * *

 **"Something's gotta give, something's gotta break**

 **But all I do is give and all you do is take**

 **Something's gotta change, but I know that it won't**

 **No reason to stay, is a good reason to go**

 **Is a good reason to go"**

 **Somethings Gotta Give - Camilla Cabello**

* * *

Watching as the conference room cleared, Casey sat in a state of shock. She couldn't believe the outcome. Confusion, that's what she was full of. Millions of unanswered questions.

As the last door clicked shut, Kim squealed in excitement. "That right there Case is my guilty verdict. Did you see how slick I was earlier? I must have drafted ten different custody arrangements."

Casey looked at her sister in law, "You had ten different drafts?"

"Absolutely," she beamed, "I had a counter for every possible demand he would make. Once I knew Charlie wasn't here, I took permanent sole custody off the table."

"So, this was what the second worst choice?" Casey questioned in an angered tone.

Kim's excitement faltered into a frown, "I'm sorry, are you upset with me?"

"A little, where do you think sole custody is going to take us now? He will be furious with me." Casey countered.

"Let me try to explain in your terms," Kim began as she sat on the table in front of Casey, "Your ex-husband just tried to rape you for custody. He wanted you to never see your kids again. His attorney told him that will never fly in a progressive state. He had to settle on giving you as little time as possible with them. I can't believe his attorney even brought that bullshit into this room. So, I countered in a way that would teach your ex a lesson. Think of it as a three month jail stint. A little wake up call, so that next time he comes to this table it's with a reasonable offer like joint 50/50 custody."

Kim watched Casey's reaction soften, "I've got to pee, I'll send Alex down to you."

She patted her on the shoulder and left the room. She knew the small creature in her made her a lot less patient, but the redhead's reaction had bugged her. Casey owed her a thank you.

Walking into the conference area, Kim said, "I won!"

"You did!" Alex exclaimed giving the brunette a big hug. "Thank you so much!"

Breaking apart, Kim sighed, "I wish my sister could feel the same way."

"She isn't happy?" Alex asked clearly confused.

"Nope," Kim sighed as she rubbed the side her baby lay on to get him to move, "She won temporary sole custody and she's afraid Charlie is going to be mad at her. But, Alex, he was attempting to strip her of all parental rights and give her only 10 percent custody with zero holiday time."

"What an asshole!"

"I know!" The brunette agreed, "What was even worse was he didn't even show up. He had the nerve to convey all that through an attorney. Plus, he wanted the nanny to remove the kids from Casey's care tonight."

Alex sighed as she moved to the door, "Is she still down the hall?"

"Yeah, room 10," Kim relayed as Alex left.

It didn't take the blonde long to find room 10, as she opened the door she quickly spotted the redhead crying at the table. Pulling a chair next to Casey, Alex turned the redhead's chair to face her. "Spill it. I know there is more than you are sharing."

Casey looked up into those blues eyes she loved and broke full hearted. "He didn't come to court."

"I know-"

"No, you don't understand, he never would have missed something like this, ever. He forgot his medicine when he left. What if something happened to him?"

As understanding filled Alex, she pulled her girlfriend to her and let her cry. "And you feel guilty?"

She was too hysterical to answer so she just nodded yes.

Kissing her forehead, Alex pushed Casey forward, "Casey, you are an attorney. What did his attorney say was the reason Charlie missed court?"

"He missed his connecting flight and couldn't catch another one in time." She replied as she dried her eyes.

"What happens if an attorney lies in court?"

"Disbarment," she answered as she began to calm herself with logic.

"So, what do you think?" Alex asked.

"I think I owe Kim an apology," She replied, "and I think I need a drink."

"Done," Kim answered from behind, "and done. I called the nanny, she said congratulations on your win in court and that she'd stay the night with the kids. Where is your squad meeting up to celebrate your win?"

* * *

Sitting across the table from Alex, Casey smirked. She'd clearly been way over served and felt so relaxed, which was a nice change of pace for her day. So, slouching back in her chair, she admired her squad that had come out to celebrate her win. It was an amazing feat. She felt like she really had a supportive work family.

Noticing Kim's empty seat next to her, she realized she must be in the restroom again. Much to Owen's disapproval she was the acting designated driver for the night. However, Kim had argued it was her body and she could do as she pleased. She'd also admitted after disconnecting the call that the girls could stay out till she got tired, then they would have to return to Alex's for the evening.

Suddenly, an old song by The Temptations hit the ancient jukebox at the back of the bar and Alex shrieked, "Let's dance."

Casey tried to object, but the brotherhood in blue cheered them on. Taking her jacket off, Casey stood in her blouse and black pants and heels. She said a silent prayer to not fall and walked to take Alex's hand.

As always, Alex looked amazingly confidant, drunk or not. Black heels, grey pants, and a bright blue top that made her eyes pop made her a stunning sight. Casey pulled her close and whispered, "You look gorgeous."

"I think you're drunk," the blonde answered as she pulled her close and began to sway to the music.

"You are too," Casey laughed as she took the lead and dipped her girlfriend eliciting quick squeal and round of applause.

The ruckus only fueled the two women on the empty dance floor. "How long till they start questioning us?" Alex asked as Casey spun her.

Casey beamed as she pulled Alex back quickly dipping her again and kissing her softly. Again another explosion of cheers filled the air. Righting her, she answered, "Till we get back to the table."

A light blush crossed Alex's cheeks.

"Did I embarrass you?"

"No, you made me realize how much I've missed having fun with you." She answered quietly, before pulling the redhead close.

Alex began to quietly sing _My Girl_ to Casey as they moved around around the small area. It was a beautiful moment, where they both were filled with such love for each other. They hadn't been able to feel like a real couple until now. Only when the song ended did they separate and return to the table.

Sitting back down, the questions began. To Casey, it seemed like they were flooding from all directions. She couldn't vouch for Alex, but they were coming so fast she was getting dizzy.

"Okay," Alex interjected. "One at a time. Munch, you first."

"How long?" He logically asked.

"Since I came back from Witsec." The blonde answered with a smirk to Casey.

Elliot swatted Liv's arm, "I told you there was tension."

"Oh, there was tension for sure," Olivia snorted in a knowing response.

Elliot's head did a quick jerk to Casey, "First time back or second?"

The blush covering Casey's face answered for her as Elliot erupted in laughter, "Way to go, Novak."

Kim's return to the table ended the questions quickly. "Ladies, the old Mother Hubbard needs to go home. She is too tired to continue."

"Aw, Kimmy," a drunk Rollins exclaimed, "after the baby is born you'll have to come party with us."

Kim laughed a scary laugh, "Sure, but call me Kimmy again and I will kill you."

"Time to go," Casey said as she stood and put on her best superhero pose, "before I have to keep the streets of New York safe from my pregnant sister-in-law."

The table laughed at their goofy Senior ADA. Alex and Casey took one another's hand and followed Kim from the bar. Somewhere between small kisses and laughter they found their way to the car.

* * *

The drive to Alex's brownstone was blur. However, once inside Casey stubbled to the blonde's bedroom, while Alex showed Kim the guest room.

Making sure the mother-to-be was well equipped for the night, Alex bid her farewell. However, before going to her room she padded down the hallway to her office. She'd air printed a few apartment listings when they'd entered the house. Picking them up, she figured she'd show Casey in the morning while they coffee'd up.

Walking into the master, she laughed when she heard the shower running. Closing the door behind her, she locked it to be safe. She wasn't sure how Casey felt, but she knew what she was feeling. And to be honest, she'd been craving the redhead for the last week.

They'd only been intimate a few times since that first encounter when Casey came over angry. It was long overdue at this point.

Removing clothes as she walked, Alex called out, "Casey," in her most seductive drunk tone.

Yet, she was surprised to not see her standing in the shower. Instead she found the redhead sitting on the shower floor. "What's happening here?" Alex asked.

"The room is being a bitch," Casey grumbled.

Stepping into the spray of the water, Alex began to bathe herself, "And what is the evil room doing to you?"

"It won't stop spinning despite my pleas."

Alex had to bite her lip to not laugh.

"I hate your bathroom," Casey again grumbled as she slumped further onto the floor.

Washing her hair, the blonde finally let the laugh escape, "I'm so sorry, babe. Now, I know where Kate gets her fury."

Finishing up, she helped Casey to bed. They didn't bother with dressing, just climbed in and snuggled up. The skin to skin contact was amazing, and Alex couldn't stop herself from kissing Casey passionately.

Pulling back, she whispered, "When the room stops spinning wake me."

"Deal," the redhead grumbled.

* * *

It was morning before either of them woke. Neither were expected to be at work until later in the afternoon. So it was easy to spend the first hours awake nursing hangovers and rediscovering each other.

Casey had forgotten how easily Alex could elicit so many sounds from her by merely touching her. Lazy passionate kisses quickly turned into hands and mouths exploring each other. Her intense need to be close to the blonde outweighed her raging headache.

She'd also forgotten how much she loved making the blonde come over and over. Their lovemaking wasn't nearly as physical as it would normally have been, but the closeness was everything they needed in that moment. Fingers found aching spots and worked them over the cliff, panting into each other.

Coming down from their electric highs, they entered back into a world of headaches and need for aspirin. Taking long showers, and dressing for a lazy couple of hours, they made their way downstairs to find food.

Reaching the kitchen, they were greeted with the smell of an amazing breakfast and Kim reading the morning paper at the small breakfast table. "Well, I'm glad to see that you two could finally wrap things up."

The brunette had attempted to sound stern, but couldn't hold in her chuckles. Alex blushed, and Casey grabbed two cups from the counter and filled them with coffee. "Anything good in the paper," Casey attempted to change topics for Alex's sake.

"Well," Kim started as she held up the front page, "You are the news."

Casey's jaw dropped. She'd figured she would get a lot of media attention, but not that much. Her picture was the front page. It was her standing on the courthouse steps after the verdict came in when she was addressing the press.

The headline read: Our City's Next DA

"That's crazy," she admitted in an honest tone as she took the paper.

Taking her coffee, Alex rested her head on Casey's shoulder, "I think you are going to get a lot of interviews," letting out a playful whimper, she whined, "My case load is going to become insane."

Kim smiled at her bashful sister-in-law, "Are you ready for what is about to come your way?"

Alex stepped back to see her real answer.

Looking between the two women, Casey nodded, "More than I've ever been."

"Well, that's a relief," Alex chuckled, "Because had you said no, you were going to be in for a rude awakening." Turning to Kim, she continued, "Now, what did you find to cook in this house that smells so good?"

"Oh," Kim laughed, "The munchkin and I were hungry, so I found just enough ingredients to whip up a breakfast casserole that I make for Owen. There is still some left on the stove."

The blonde's jaw dropped, "How did you manage that?"

"It was work, Cabot. You need to grocery shop more." The pregnant brunette scoffed. "However, you have no need for coffee. I think you have enough to last you a lifetime."

Going to the stove, Alex lifted the aluminum foil to discover a yummy cheesy eggy mixture with sausage worked into it. Cutting a slice for her and Casey, she realized it must have been concocted from some groceries that had never made it to the redheads house when Danny was sick. "Isn't Owen a surgeon? I can't believe he'd let you make such delicious food."

"Ha!" Casey snorted, "You've clearly never met my brother's metabolism. He could eat an entire farm and still have a six-pack."

Holding her hot cup of coffee to her lips, Kim smiled as if she was imagining her husband, "Yes...he could."

"Ew," Casey said diverting her eyes and putting her hand up in defense, "Still my brother."

"You brought him up," Kim laughed, "Anyway, I am heading home to my wonderful husband. Your guest rooms," she said indicating both women, "are great, but they don't compare to my bed complete with an Owen."

"Understandable," Alex nodded as she looked to Casey, "I get that one hundred percent."

Luckily for Kim, they'd picked her stuff up on their way out, so she could leave from Alex's place in the morning. It was also a delight for Casey to get to share her win with Kate and Daniel. They were so excited for their mother. It had elicited another round of tears from her, but this time they were happy ones. She was relieved to see, if only for the short term, they were thrilled for her.

Sadly, she'd also realized in that moment how close she'd come to potentially losing them. So, she'd promised herself that she would cut back her hours and try to be a more active participant in their lives. Luckily, she had Alex to support her in that endeavor.

Coming back to the present, she looked to Kim, "What do we do now?"

"I assume you mean with custody?" The brunette clarified, "We now wait for your currently elusive ex husband to come back to NYC. When he does, I am sure he will quickly file a motion to regain some custody. At that time, we will go back and hopefully agree on 50/50."

Taking a long sip of her coffee, Casey looked outside at the fall leaves and the misty October morning. Sometime during her memories from the day before she'd moved to a chair near the New England styled pane. "That sounds like a plan."

Both Kim and Alex looked at the redhead. She seemed present in most cases, but then so withdrawn in other moments.

"Are you still worried about his health?" Alex asked the obvious.

"Yes and no," Casey answered. Turning to face the other women, she continued, "Charlie kept telling me that I lost the right to be concerned. And in a way he is right. I have voiced my concerns to him twice. However, he is an adult, and he is more than capable of caring for himself. I just have to trust that he is doing just that. But, it doesn't necessarily absolve my concern for his wellbeing or my anger with his bullshit custody arrangement."

Alex nodded in understanding, as Kim leaned forward and squeezed her sister-in-law's hand. "I get it," Alex confirmed, "We will just have to see where he is when he returns."

Casey let out a long sigh of relief. She wasn't sure if her blonde love would really understand, but seeing how calm Alex seemed to be with it helped. "Now, onto bigger issues, I need a new place ASAP. I want to be the hell out of that apartment as quickly as possible."

"Oh!" Alex exclaimed before dashing from the room and yelling, "I'll be right back!"

"What was that about?" Kim asked.

"No idea," Casey laughed, taking a serious tone she added, "Thank you for last night."

"Don't worry about it," Kim assured, "You needed to decompress. And Owen was fine with it once he realized it wasn't a smoky bar. He's just overprotective sometimes."

"Understandably so," the redhead agreed, "It took you two long enough to get this little one."

Looking at her belly, Kim smiled, "I think God knew what he was doing. I have an abnormal ease with this pregnancy. And in a week, we will know if it's a boy or a girl."

"What do you think it is?" Casey asked with an excited smile.

"A girl."

"Would you still name her Emeline?"

Kim's blue green eyes lit up, "Yes! And paint her room purple. And have the frilliest outfits for her to wear."

Both women were sweetly conversing when an out of breath Alex returned, "Okay, so I may need to go back to the gym, because running up those stairs just about killed me."

"And why did you run off?" Casey asked.

"To get these," Alex limped towards the redhead and handed off the real estate listings before reclaiming her coffee and a seat. "Drunk Alex printed you some listings and forgot about them. Sober Alex remembered."

Casey flipped through the listings. They were all super close to what she'd told Alex she wanted in a home. Except one stood out from the rest. "I need a phone," she blurted holding out a demanding hand.

She'd found a potential winner.

* * *

Unlocking the sliding door, the young twenty something real estate agent rambled, "I can't believe I get to show you an apartment..."

"Really," Casey sighed, "I'm a normal person."

"I know!" The young woman continued, "But you were on the front page!" With dramatic hands she eluded to the entire page.

"I promise," Alex interrupted with an amused smile, "It wasn't a first time, other pictures have just been smaller."

Scowling at her girlfriends added fuel to the young woman's fire, Casey attempted to change directions, "Why don't you tell me about the apartment?"

"Oh," the millennial recouped as she continued to talk with her hands, "The previous owner took a job overseas. So, if you like the furnishings they are included. We can also remove anything you don't like...The former owner installed all the herringbone wood flooring, and tile in the bathrooms..."

The woman continued to ramble, but Casey and Alex led themselves through the space. The windows were exactly what Casey had wanted, and the living space opened out onto the outdoor space. The whole floor plan was open. The loft area was open to the below living space, so the kids could have their space, but still be apart of the adult atmosphere. The only part that wasn't exactly how Casey had imagined was their bedrooms. There were two small bedrooms upstairs that shared a bathroom. She would have preferred every room to have their own bathroom, but Kate would just have to get over sharing one with Daniel.

Downstairs contained the master and guest room. The each had their own bathrooms, but the guest rooms bathroom was open to the main living room. The master bedroom was a beautiful space. It's windows sloped over into a skylight fashion. It also had doors that connected to the outdoor patio space. Really it was just a grand balcony, but it was still a beautiful area to let them feel the elements. Casey loved the entire space. Especially, the kitchen and the midcentury modern furnishings.

"I'll take it," she interrupted the young woman that she'd long since drowned out.

"Really?" Alex exclaimed as the young woman smiled brightly.

"I'm so excited to hear that! Do you want the furniture?"

"Yes," Casey answered Alex, before turning to the younger woman, "Yes, but I want the upstairs cleared. I have two children that will be living up there, so I will be changing that area from a library/guest space to a kid space. I'll keep the books though."

"Casey," Alex tried to interject, "Do you think you should look at a few other places?"

Casey looked around the apartment, and smiled genuinely, "No, I'm home. You found it."

Alex's worry that the redhead was being impulsive dissipated at the sight of her. She could really see that Casey was happy in this space. And if she was being one hundred percent honest with herself, this place did scream Casey.

"Then great," she responded. "Welcome home. How soon can she-" Alex attempted but was cut off by the young woman grabbing Casey into an unexpected bear hug.

"I'm so excited! This is my first big loft sale!"

Casey mouthed, _oh my god!_ To Alex, with a look of concern on her face.

"You can move in this weekend!" The young woman continued, "My boss will be so pleased."

"Do you work in this building?" Alex asked, earning a nasty glare from a nervous Casey.

"Oh no," the young woman continued as she led them out of the apartment and back to the lift, "I work..."

Casey leaned in close to Alex, "If you encourage crazy McGee one more time I will stomp on your foot with my heel."

"Is that a threat, Counselor?"

"Your damn right," Casey snickered.

Alex laughed earnestly, quickly getting a glare from the young woman, "Sorry, memories from another time," she amended waving the woman on in her ramblings.

It wasn't quite a lie anyway, she was happy to see the old Casey re-emerge.

* * *

Two days later, Casey found herself preparing to coach a softball game. She was thrilled to be home, and thrilled that Alex's case load hadn't skyrocketed yet. They had plans to tell the kids about the move tonight.

After apartment hunting the day after her win, Casey and Alex received a call from Jack McCoy. Pending no emergencies from the precinct, they had been granted the day off which had been a blessed surprise. After locating Casey's new home, they'd gone shopping for kid bedroom decor.

Then while Alex arranged delivery and setup with an old interior decorator friend, Casey had been called by numerous news stations to setup interviews.

The very next morning she'd gotten up at 3am to be in a makeup chair for the 7:30 news, then moved on to filming interviews for later programs. Yet, the mass amount of viewings quickly earned her a meeting with the mayor that morning. By the time she'd finally reached the DA's office, Alex had already wrapped things up so they could head home early.

Honestly, she was happy to finally be home, and be a normal person again by 3pm when the kids got home from school. Casey was now acting head coach for Kate's team which had her digging out all her old softball gear. Now she was praying silently that it all still fit.

Sitting on the end of Casey's soon to be former bed, Alex watched her lover change into gear for the game. It was amusing to watch her mutter at old gear that probably hadn't been opened in a decade. Clearly the redhead was concerned about things fitting, but Alex didn't share that concern. Casey had the same small body from back in those days.

While she waited for the final reveal, Alex looked around the space of Casey's bedroom. Alex could now see how out of place Casey was here. She really wondered if Charlie had bought the apartment in hopes of quelling Casey's wandering ways.

This apartment screamed money. Money, and it lacked the intimacy of Casey's new place. Alex had returned to the city and bought what she'd been used to living in, a brownstone, but despite the fact that she and Casey had once discussed living in one together, she couldn't imagine locking the redhead up in one now. A brownstone was what she was used to, but Casey was a creature of her own vibrance, and Alex was happy that she'd found a place that helped her shine.

Standing, she walked to the redhead, and leaned into the closet doorframe. Casey hopping on one foot turned to face the blonde as she fought with a cleat. "What?"

"You have started to look so much like the old you," Alex admitted, "and that is really sexy."

Stomping the shoe on, Casey righted herself and walked to Alex, pushing her flush into the doorframe, before kissing her passionately, before breaking apart for air.

"I'm finally feeling more like myself," Casey breathed against the blonde's lips. "It's been so long."

Kissing her again, Alex smiled against her lovers lips. It was nice to finally find her Casey again. When she'd returned from Witsec for good, the shell that was left of the redhead was shocking to her system. Seeing the old version return was electrifying.

"I never want to see you like that again," Alex admitted. Casey nodded, as she looked into those mysterious blue eyes that had once captivated her on an elevator the first time they met.

"I love you, Alex."

"I love you too-" was all Alex could get out as they heard the bedroom door open and Casey jumped back into a rack of clothes.

Quickly covering, Alex faked a laugh and said, "I told you that you were going to fall putting those cleats on like that!"

Kate rounded the doorway, and laughed at the sight of her mother on her back with an unlaced cleated foot in the air. "Mom, didn't you tell me to sit while putting on cleats?"

"Well, I guess it's time to take my own advice," Casey admitted as she sat up and gave Alex a look that said thanks. Lacing up her shoe, she righted herself and led her family down to her girlfriend's SUV. The large family vehicle was perfect for two softball bags and a family of four.

* * *

Alex sat in the bleachers with Danny watching her lover coach and Kate play her heart out. Casey seemed so natural leading the young girls to victory, and Kate beamed happily at her mother. She just hoped when Casey broke the news that they would be moving to the young girl, that she'd accept the change.

Kate was finally warming up to Casey, and asking her questions nonstop. In a way, it made Alex wonder if the girl was worried her mother might disappear if she stopped. Yet, Alex knew logically that it would be a continual touch and go for probably the next year.

Casey had planned to tell the kids over dinner at the new apartment, they'd gotten special permission for just this night. A curtesy of their sketchy 20 year old friend, they could show the kids the place before Casey signed the official papers Friday afternoon. But, Alex worried that it might ruin this magical moment. However, it wasn't her place to try to parent. She needed to be an anchor of support for Casey, not a cause of further confusion.

As the game ended, Casey helped the girls pack up, while Alex helped Danny down from the bleachers. Yet, as Alex picked the small boy up she thought she saw a familiar man staring at her. She thought she saw phantom version of Charlie.

Although, as the crowd moved into her line of sight, and she moved to see if she was correct, the mysterious figure vanished. As if he disappeared into thin air. Shaking her head clear, she figured she must have imagined the whole thing.

"Hey," Casey called to get her attention.

Turning to face the softball pant clad woman, with her dry fit sports top and ball cap, Alex smiled forgetting the ghostly figure she'd seen, "Ready to go?"

"Yes! I'm starving!" Kate exclaimed.

"Good, because I ordered pizza. It should be at _home_ by the time we get there!" Alex answered with a knowing smile to Casey.

The cheering kids led the way to the car, as the adults carried softball bags and held hands with their fingers intertwined. Their family finally seemed complete. Anyone looking on could see their happiness...even if it was only temporary.

Even Charlie could see it.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: To answer an immensely logical question - is Casey independently wealthy: yes, and no. No, because she didn't come from money, she married into it. Charlie came from crazy money just like Alex did. In the divorce, Charlie gives Casey all of their mutual investments (any investing that occurred during marriage) and all stocks accrued in marriage. Therefore, she is still wealthy, but probably no where near Cabot or Williamson wealthy.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Elle**

* * *

 **"I am sorry this is always how it goes**

 **The wind blows loudest when you've got your eyes closed**

 **But I never changed a single colour that I breathe**

 **So you could have tried to take a closer look at me**

 **I am tired of punching in the wind**

 **I am tired of letting it all in**

 **And I should eat you up and spit you right out**

 **I should not care but I don't know how"**

 **Organs by Monsters and Men**

* * *

Opening the door to the new apartment, Casey gave a bright, "Welcome to my new house."

Alex stood back and watched the children's expressions. It wasn't a total shock, they knew their mother was going to move out of their home, but it was more like absolute ambivalence. Yet, Casey tried to not let it get her down. She fought to stay upbeat.

"Come on in and explore!" She said ushering everyone inside. "Over on the kitchen counter is pizza and soda. And if you'd like before you eat dinner, you can go upstairs and see your rooms."

Both children were silent and almost frozen to the floor. Alex pursed her lips together trying to think of a way to help the now faltering redhead who had begun wringing her hands together. "How about we fill those empty bellies," the blonde encouraged, "Then we can all go look around together."

Finally, leaden feet started to move to the kitchen. The silence in the apartment made it easy for Alex to hear every noise from the busy world outside. A once comfort suddenly seemed like the biggest threat to this small family.

Casey passed out pizza on the provided paper plates, then filled glasses with soda. "So, be honest," she broke the silence, "What do you think?"

"It's cool," Danny offered, "It has stairs."

"I'm glad you think so," Casey replied leaning forward to touch the little boys nose, "and you know what's so special about those stairs?"

He shook his head no as he took a big bite of pizza.

"Your special place is upstairs. It's just for you and Kate. But we can come visit," Casey laughed as he smiled brightly looking upwards.

Standing up again, she looked at her sour faced daughter. "What about you Katie Cat? What do you think?"

"I like our home better." The young brunette admitted, "I wish we could stay there."

Casey squeezed her hand, "You can with your daddy. He will be home soon, and then you'll be able to go back. And we are going back tonight. But Friday we will start sleeping here." She let the little girl mull over her words before continuing, "But I am going to live here, so when you are with me you'll live here."

"Fine," she exclaimed as she pushed her food away and stood.

Alex could see how much Kate's reaction was paining Casey, and could see so much of Casey in her daughter at this moment. Kate clearly wanted the conversation to stop and wanted to escape the room. Something her mother often exhibited. Alex would jokingly refer to it as the caged tiger walk.

"Hey Kate," Alex interrupted, "Come with me for a second."

Kate didn't hesitate to follow the blonde. Alex didn't take it as a personal win, just an understanding of helping the youngster escape. "I want to show you something in here," she said motioning to Casey's room.

Casey gave Alex a questioning look, and Alex mouthed 'caged tiger.' Rolling her eyes at the reference, Casey resumed eating and talking to Danny as the other two walked off.

Walking into the large room with the farmhouse style four poster bed and minimal furnishings, Kate tried to play along, "What is it?"

"This is your mom's new bedroom," Alex answered, "I wanted to show you a few surprises I prepared for you and Danny to give her."

Saying that she turned on the light, illuminating the room. The exposed white washed brick reflected warm light all over. Alex pursed her lips into a thin smile as she recognized how much this home already felt _Caseyish_. "First, I bought your mom some new bedding. What do you think?"

Kate inspected the gray and blue bedding. "It's nice," she whispered, "Where did she get all this furniture?"

"It came with the apartment." Alex answered, "It's why I got your mom new bedding."

Kate muttered, "Why is it blue?"

"Because that's her favorite color," Alex answered, "You didn't know that?"

"No," Kate admitted, before asking, "Did you get me new bedding?"

"No, your mom bought you and Danny all new stuff. She especially picked out your bedding."

"Oh," Kate replied with a weak smile, "That was nice of her."

Alex smiled as she sat down on the floor with the young girl, "Yes it was."

"What else is there?" Kate questioned, "You said you got something for Danny and I to give her."

"Well, back when I first knew your mom she played for a work softball team. And she led her team of misfits to a huge win against one of the best police department teams-"

"She did?" Kate interrupted.

Alex smiled remembering the event. Casey was so young, and lively back then. That was around the time Alex fell in love with her. It was around that time that she had to stop hanging out with her. That part of the memory pained her.

"She did," Alex continued, "Your Mom was so much fun, and she was hilarious. She could have you on the floor laughing in minutes." Shaking her head clear, she picked up the big package behind her before continuing, "Anyway, the players made a huge congratulations framed picture for her. But, it was broken years ago."

"Aw, how'd it break?" Kate asked.

"Well, to be honest, I'm not sure," Alex admitted, "I found it buried in the back of the guest room closet at the house while I was staying in there when I was helping your mom. But what I do know is it was super important to her. So, I had it reframed for you to give her."

With that she pulled off the paper and let Kate look at the framed picture of the team, with a side picture of Casey pitching. Everyone had signed it, and congratulated her on helping them to win. The young girl quickly located her mother's image in the team and studied both intently.

"That's awesome!" The younger girl beamed. "She looks so different."

"Ha, age does that," Alex teased more herself than to Kate.

"That isn't what I meant," Kate said still staring. Finally looking back up to Alex, she asked, "What did you get for Danny to give her?"

"Oh! I almost forgot," she pulled out a framed copy of the front page of the paper from a few days earlier, "So, she can always remember!"

Kate erupted in laughter, "That's perfect. Now she just needs a picture of us."

"I know! So how about you go back into the kitchen and give her a big hug and I will take one of the three of you." Alex hinted.

Kate didn't need to be asked twice. She bolted from the room and gave her mother a huge hug. Alex quickly snapped a picture of the beautiful moment. And then had the kids sit on the counter, one on each side of their mother, and took the first truly happy picture of Casey with her children.

After everyone ate dinner, Casey showed the kids their bedrooms. They seemed pleased with them, and Kate kept her grumbling to a minimum. Then Alex helped the kids show their mom the surprise gifts for her room.

Casey was thrilled with them, but Alex couldn't help but catch a slight hesitation in Casey's excitement about the softball picture. She played it off beautifully as shock for Kate's sake, but Alex knew there was something more to it. Something was so out of place with it, and suddenly Alex found herself even more perplexed as to why it was hidden away in the back of a closet...

* * *

Later that evening back at Casey and Charlie's home, after the children had gone to sleep, Casey found herself sitting in living area outside the guest room. Staring at the guest room door, she couldn't help but find her memory fading back to that softball picture.

Suddenly, sensing Alex behind her, Casey turned to find a glass of white wine being passed her way. Locking green eyes to blue, she said, "Thank you."

"You are welcome," Alex's warm voice cut through the air. "So, are you going to tell me now?"

"Fine," Casey huffed, "You know sometimes I hate how well you know me..."

Alex sat next to the redhead, curling her long legs underneath her. "So, dish. You used to treasure it. What happened?"

"My marriage," Casey said taking a long sip of wine, "After us, Charlie watched me like a hawk. I couldn't really blame him. He never wanted me to go out without him, which essentially meant I never went out. My softball days ended while I was pregnant with Kate, and I kept promising the team I'd be back once she was here. Yet, once she was born Charlie put his foot down. He wanted me home."

She paused to drink more wine, and Alex joined her in order to hopefully pause her building frustrations with an absent man. After a few sips, Casey continued, "He didn't want me to go anywhere but work and home. Again, I felt like I couldn't blame him. I felt like I owed it to him. You know show him that I wouldn't stray, and I figured that eventually he would ease up. However, when Kate was three I realized I was _late_ again."

Alex picked up on the innuendo. Casey may love her children unconditionally, but Alex fully understood how frustrated the redhead was with feeling like her whole life was stolen.

This time when Casey paused it was to wipe tears. Alex wrapped an arm around her and whispered, "You don't have to continue."

"No, really, I can continue," Casey regrouped and stood to hold her composure, "I knew I was pregnant, and I was instantly furious. I felt like my whole life had been taken from me. Not by my children, but by my bad choices. So, I took the softball picture off my wall at work. I knew those days were forever finished and I didn't need the reminder. When I got home that day, I set it on the bed till I could figure out where to put it."

She said the last sentence with such ferocity that Alex worried about her state of mind.

But then she took a deep breath and continued calmly, "Then I took a pregnancy test. When the test came back positive I was furious. I sat on the bed holding the picture and crying. Looking at the woman I used to be - the vibrant funny girl in that picture. In a fit of rage I threw it at the wall."

With that she finished her glass of wine, and left to retrieve the bottle. When she came back she continued as she poured herself another large glass, "I can't wait till Friday. I hate this apartment and all it stands for. It's been more of a tomb for me than a home."

Alex let the redhead vent. She knew Casey needed it. She needed to purge her every horrible memory - for the years she'd had to deny herself her own personality.

But, at the same time Alex felt slightly responsible. Setting down her glass, she pulled the redhead onto her lap.

"I'm sorry," she whispered before kissing her.

When they parted, Casey asked, "Why?"

"Because I feel a tad responsible for you losing yourself."

Casey kissed her again, this time deepening it slightly before pulling back, "Don't, because I have never blamed you for any of it. You never made that girl in the elevator fall in love with you."

"Oh," Alex smiled, "You fell in love with me in the elevator now...is that how you are telling the story these days?"

"Well, I think of it this way," Casey grinned and pushed herself up, "You flirted with me in the elevator and then I pursued you. So yes, the elevator."

Shaking her head, Alex kissed her silly redhead, before just snuggling and enjoying their wine.

After awhile, Alex broke the silence, "So, why did the picture end up buried in the back of the guest room closet?"

Casey nuzzled her head against the blonde's chest listening to her heart beat. "Because, I hated the girl in the picture. I resented who she was and what she represented, and I was tired of seeing her..."

Alex paused unsure of what to ask..."and now?"

Casey pushed up and looked into the blonde's eyes, "Now, I just see myself."

* * *

Later that evening, as Alex left the apartment she walked quietly down the luxurious hallway. The views from this building were incredible, but she was happy Casey was moving somewhere that was more her. Reaching the elevator, she pressed the button and wondered how long it would be before the children returned to this place with their father. The thought reminded her of earlier that evening at the game.

She'd completely forgotten about it until that moment. Thinking it over, she couldn't be sure if she really had or had not seen Charlie. Shaking her head clear, she realized she must have imagined it. If he were in town he would have come home, or at least called to see the kids.

Stepping into the lift, she headed down to the garage. Sleep was tugging at her mind, and she was ready to be home in bed. Reaching the ground floor she wished that she'd stayed in the guest room after all.

Walking to her Range Rover she began digging in her pocket for her key. Not finding it, she stopped and looked inside her bag. "Damnit," she muttered as she realized it was still upstairs.

Turning around she pulled out her phone and called Casey. Hearing the redhead's voice light up the line, she said, "So, I left my keys upstairs."

"I see," Casey laughed into the phone, "So, you were looking for a reason to come back for a midnight kiss?"

"Maybe," Alex chuckled, "But, maybe I will just stay the night after all."

As she walked back into the lift, she was too engrossed in her conversation to see the person waiting in the shadows.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: So, the chapters might be a little shorter during the weekdays. (Okay, a lot shorter!) Trying to find time to write between teaching is a little chaotic! I am excited to hear what you all think though!**

* * *

 **"So I rearrange, I try to change for you**

 **But you stay the same, no matter what I do**

 **We drift away, into the deepest blue**

 **And I can't explain, everything that I do**

 **So I rearrange"**

 **Rearrange by Ella Vos**

* * *

 **Two weeks later…**

Cold November wind whipped through the cracked window of Casey's bedroom. The chill against her face causing her to stir awake an hour earlier than needed. Shifting in her bed, she opened her eyes fighting against the darkness to find the source of the intruder. Locating the open pane, she climbed from the warmth of the duvet, heading to close the frame and wondering when she opened it if at all.

The icy wooden floor boards beneath her feet were a stark contrast to her former carpeted bedroom. She wasn't used to needing slippers to stay warm. However, as she closed the old window, she also acknowledge that her room wouldn't feel like an ice box if it hadn't been left open. Again she wondered why it was open at all…

Letting her sleepy head think it over, she decided Alex must have opened it the night before. Often the blonde loved to hear the sounds of the city. It was something she'd missed terribly while in Witsec. Entertained at the thought of her lover, Casey headed into the bathroom.

Standing in front of the mirror Casey examined her unadulterated image. At age 38, she looked like a stark contrast to the image of her in the framed softball photo that hung over the dresser. Granted, the image of her from the newspaper looked better than she did currently. Her wrinkles were well earned from work, just not so much pleasure. "You've got a lot to make up for Novak," she muttered to herself.

Climbing into the shower, Casey pondered over the last few weeks. The transition into the new apartment had come with a few bumps. One, Kate had begun her hot and cold routine again. She could easily start off a day in love with her mother and end it in a screaming match. Casey was forever thankful for Alex's presence in those moments. She'd often take Kate on an errand or outside to let her clear her head. Two, it had taken Danny a week to not cry himself to sleep. That one had been a miserable adventure for Casey. Especially, when he begged her to let him go home and sleep in his own bed. It broke her heart, which also led her to her biggest frustration.

Where the hell was Charlie? She'd attempted to call him to no avail. He was now ignoring her phone calls. Moreover, when she'd met up with his attorney in the courthouse to return Charlie's apartment keys his attorney didn't know when he would be back. What the hell was that? She was worried about him, but his attorney had assured her that he'd just been called back to Hong Kong. Evidently, his company needed his assistance on a shipping matter. While it was not abnormal for Charlie to be called back, especially if he was trying to leave earlier, it was abnormal for him to not contact the kids.

In some ways, Casey figured she needed to adjust. While she might consider Charlie her best friend, he may have just seen her as his wife and life partner. Maybe she needed to wake up and realize he needed the distance. However, what she struggled to understand the most was why he would ignore the children even when they were with Rosita. Maybe she would instruct Rosita to call Charlie, maybe he would answer then.

Her morning flew by in an instant. She got the kids up and ready for school all before Rosita arrived. Casey was working to relieve some of Rosita's duties at her home, knowing that Charlie would need her more when he was back. So, once the kids were off, she did some light housework, got dressed for work and headed to the DA's office. She had a meeting scheduled for 9AM with Jack McCoy and didn't want to be late.

* * *

"Casey," Jack's strong voice echoed in her ears, "What are you thinking about doing for your future?"

"I don't know if I understand what you are asking?" The redhead replied coyly. She knew he was enquiring if she was gunning for his job, she just felt like playing around with him. "Are you meaning in the next year? Or next couple of years?"

The older gentleman sat on the edge of his large mahogany desk eying the younger woman. He had at least 25 years on her in age, but she had a fiery determination that could oust him from his seat in a heartbeat. Age had also given him the advantage in not being stupid. He knew to watch her like a hawk. Media attention could turn public eye against him quickly.

"Alright, let's cut to the chase," He continued staring directly at her, "We've known each other long enough to respect one another."

"I don't remember respect being in question, Jack." Casey interjected, "You want to know if I am going to run for your job next November."

"Well," he frowned, "An election year is coming. Decisions need to be made."

"And the last time you had me in here was to congratulate a huge victory for New York County," She said standing. Suddenly, she didn't want to feel below this man she'd seen as an ally for so long. "Now, you've read the papers. You are hearing the news in the morning discussing the potential for change and a hothead assistance district attorney that could make that change happen."

"I don't need you to pontificate to me," Jack sighed standing as well, "I know what I've seen and I am worried that it might make a great ADA grow too big for her britches."

"Excuse me," Casey snapped. "Last I checked, I was just an ADA a decade ago. Make that over a decade, I think I was 25 back then. Then Branch, promoted me around 30 to EADA, and Liz Donnelly to SADA at 35. So, before we continue, let's correct the dialogue."

"Your title doesn't make you ready to do my job!" He said emphatically pointing to his chest.

"You meant the job, didn't you?" Casey countered faster than he could keep up. "Do you think I couldn't handle your job? Because last I checked my win to lose ratio toppled yours."

"Yes!" He retorted. "You've got it. I think you are still too reckless to be the DA. I think you need to grow up for another decade."

"Fuck you." She said it full of daggers. She was fed up with men telling her what she couldn't handle. And as out of line as it was for her to speak to her boss with hostile words, when he started this meeting in a kind way, she was over being told exactly what to do.

He stared at her. Very few times in his life had he been at a total loss for words, but at this moment he had nothing to offer her. "I bumped into Bruce Coffey the other day in the courthouse…"

If looks could kill, she was sure Jack McCoy would have been in pieces scattered around the room. They were standing all of three feet apart, her with a hand on her hip, him with his arms crossed, staring directly into each other's eyes.

Finally, Casey broke the silence. "So?"

"I know, Casey."

"About what? My divorce?" She spat.

"About you and Alex!" He fired back.

At that moment, she had to take a step back. It wasn't in submission. It was pure fury and fear that she might hit him. She'd never experienced a real desire to strike another person until that moment. Part was confusion as to whether it was the fact that they were in a lesbian relationship and part was the accusation that it was a problem professionally. Either way, she was pissed.

"What about me and Alex?" She finally managed to bite out. It was better to let him explain before killing him. Then she'd at least have a real motive.

He sighed, clearly frustrated. "About your affair. The affair that took place while you were prosecuting her case. Do you know how bad that would look? If your ex-husband leaked it to the press during an election year?"

Casey covered her face with her hands. "Are you threatening it? Or was he threatening it?"

"Fuck, Casey." Jack scoffed, "I may not want to lose my position just yet to you, but if the timing was right I'd properly bow out."

"So, he was threatening it?" She demanded.

"I don't know exactly what was happening with it." Jack admitted. "I called you in here to offer you an advancement in homicide. I just wanted to quell you for a bit. Let you grow a little more, and shape our weaker departments. When you went all personal I figured I better own up."

She was now pacing the room. "How did the conversation go?"

Jack sat down at his desk. He gestured for her to sit, but she held up her hand and shook her head in refusal. "Coffey approached me as I was leaving. He said he wanted to discuss your future advancement within the District Attorney's office. Then he mentioned that he was wondering how the office was planning to handle the possibility of dealing with the fact that their star Senior ADA slept with a victim she was defending. That's when I pulled him into an office and got the story in private."

Casey pinched the bridge of her nose as she sighed. She was furious. "Be honest with me Jack. Before this revelation, were you prepared for me to run for DA?"

"I thought you could benefit from an easier case load in a department that needed massive repairs before assuming the job." He began, "It never hurts to build yourself up and get some rest while doing so, but if you'd come to me straight out and said I'm running, I wouldn't have discouraged you."

Now, she sat. Casey felt as if all the wind had been knocked out of her. She was livid with Charlie and his attorney. What were they thinking?

"Listen, don't let it get you down. We've all made bad choices. In the long run no one will care that you and Alex had an affair. But right at the start of a custody battle, going into an election year, don't tip the scales the wrong way."

"I really wanted this Jack. It's what I've worked towards for years." She admitted through tight teeth.

"I'm not saying never," He said as he stood and moved to the chair across from her, "I'm just saying give it a few years. Let things in your divorce settle. Don't unnecessarily sink your own ship."

* * *

Casey sat at her office desk trying to massage her own neck. She was wishing that Alex was already out of court to massage it. Her fingers were able to work magic. Not to mention, she desperately wished to talk to her girlfriend. Looking at the clock, she muttered, "damnit," as she realized she still had two hours till the object of her affection would be back in the office.

Her talk with McCoy had effectively ruined her day. She was so mad that she thought it might be easier to blow off some steam for a few hours at lunch time by hitting the batting cages, but it had only sent her into an insane tension headache. Evidently her muscles couldn't take hitting for that long anymore.

Looking at her bat that lay on the couch, she pondered if she could roll it against the wall with her shoulders to work out knots. Realizing it probably wouldn't work, she acknowledged that she needed to stop being lazy and pack it back into her bag before she forgot it when she went to Kate's game that night. It was the second to the last one of the season. She couldn't show up unprepared. Kate was depending on her.

"Knock, Knock," came a familiar voice at the door.

Looking up, Casey saw Serena. Faking a smile, she forced out a playful, "Hey stranger."

"Don't," Serena began, "I heard some BS in this building today."

"What did you hear?" Casey said leaning back in her chair and suddenly relishing the pressure the wood added to her sore shoulders.

"That McCoy wants you to do some time in Homicide before running," The younger woman rambled as she sat down across from her, "Is that shit true?"

"He thought it might help my resume." Casey replied as she moved side to side in her chair to ease the pain.

Serena's jaw dropped. "Do you want me to be miserable at home?"

"It wasn't a personal decision – " Casey attempted to calm the blonde.

"Not personal?" She broke, "How is it not personal when they are discussing moving the _Golden Child_ of the DA's office to a new unit to take over. You know what it means as much as I do!"

"I can't help it if Abbie's losing streak is cause for concern," Casey replied as she sat up. "And before you bite my head all the way off, I didn't accept the position yet!"

"Yet," Serena bit out. "So you are considering it."

"I don't know what I'm thinking yet," Casey sighed as she sat back again. "I haven't even talked this morning through with Alex yet."

Serena stood and softly but firmly said, "Well, you aren't trying to keep friends if you take the job." Before turning and leaving.

Casey turned her office chair to face the wall behind her. She wanted a moment to just be silent. To be hidden from the world without standing to close the door. She knew she was being lazy, but at that particular moment she didn't care. She was so over the day.

Hearing footsteps behind her, Casey scoffed, "If it's you Rena go away. I got the memo already."

Not hearing an answer, Casey spun around just in time to see the bat swing down at her head...


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Before we start, if you didn't read the edited end to the last chapter go back. Let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **"A cold wind sets, upon my back**

 **The sky is getting full and turning black**

 **I lost my way**

 **When I lost you**

 **I need a moment more, this can't be true**

 **The one that I need**

 **Help me see beyond the surface**

 **My purpose..."**

 **Ashes by Claire Guerreso**

* * *

The crack of the bat against her forearm as she blocked her head was excruciatingly precise. As if the sound reverberated throughout her whole body. She tried to scream, but total shock had set in, nothing came out but a dry whimper. All she could see was a masked person raising _her_ bat again into the air...preparing for the next blow.

Realizing she was in the wrong position for battle, Casey pushed her seat back quickly. This time the bat missed, connecting with the edge of her desk instead of her. Another shrill crack entering the air.

Forcing herself up, Casey tried to round the desk, but her assailant had already recovered. The bat was again moving volatility through the air, connecting this time with her leg. Something inside of her must have ignited, because this time her cry of pain was audible as she fell to her knees.

She barely had time to register anything, everything was happening so fast. A shard of wood stuck out of her leg, her arm seared with pain, but she still fought to stand...to defend herself.

Again the bat moved into the air as she tried to stand, but her leg gave out right as the wood again connected with her body. All she could register was the world going dark around her.

* * *

Alex stood as the judge dismissed court early. She hadn't expected the change, but after the bailiff brought a note to the robed man he quickly concluded for the day. She sensed something was wrong, but wasn't sure exactly what.

As she packed her bag, she felt someone's presence. Turning to see Abbie, Alex smiled, "Well what do I owe you for this surprise?"

However, Abbie didn't share the same smile, "Alex, I have to tell you something."

Seeing the look of fear on Abbie's face, Alex sat back against the table, "What is it?"

Abbie hesitated and her eyes darted to the floor. In that instant Alex knew it was bad. The brunette had her 'someone died' face on.

"What is it?" Alex asked in a more concerned tone.

"Casey..." was all Abbie was able to get out before Alex found herself trying to escape. Grabbing her best friends arm, she held Alex still. "She was attacked in her office. She's alive, but en route to the hospital. No one knows who attacked her."

Alex felt as if she'd been shot all over again. She could barely breathe. Falling into Abbie, she held on for a moment, enough to ground herself. Closing her eyes tight, she willed all tears to wait till she knew if Casey was safe.

Forcing them to open again, she spoke with a cracked voice, "I need to see her now."

"Okay," Abbie replied softly. She took her friends bag and led her away from the courthouse and to her car.

The cold November sky seemed to mock Alex as they drove through the busy city streets. Somewhere along their journey Alex had tried to convey that they needed the kids cared for and an officer stationed at Casey's apartment till they found the person responsible. Yet, Abbie informed her it was already taken care of.

Evidently, Rollins had already gathered them from school and was staying with them. Olivia and Elliot were at the hospital waiting for statements. The rest of the team was at the DA's office. It seemed as if her whole world was collapsing all at once but their friends were trying to prop it up.

"Who found her?" Alex forced out.

"Serena," Abbie said.

Alex could feel her whole body trembling with fear. She had so many questions, but didn't know how to exactly ask them. Clasping her hands together in effort to stop it, she narrowed in on one, "How bad?"

Abbie paused. "Not as bad as it could have been."

Alex didn't ask for any more details at that point. The hospital was coming into view. She'd be able to see for herself soon.

* * *

Running at full speed into the ER, Alex took the nurses and security guards by surprise. Maybe it was her frantic actions, maybe it was the suit and heels, either way she instantly began bombarding them with credentials and questions.

She must have caused a ruckus, because soon she heard Elliot's voice. "Alex!"

Spinning on her heel, she quickly grabbed her stuff and headed to him, as if she'd never spoken to another soul. "Where is she?"

"They have her in a trauma room." He attempted to calm her, motioning his head to a room at the end of the hall that was closed to them.

"How is she?"

"She's pretty beat up," he informed, "But, the EMT's said she regained consciousness for a minute or two while they were en route, but she could only tell them her name."

Seeing Liv come into view, Alex now demanded details, "So, what do you know?"

"We don't know anything." Elliot answered with a huff at the end.

"Her office was trashed," Liv offered.

"Munch and Fin are investigating it now." Elliot added with a stern look to Olivia.

"Alex," Liv began, earning another look from him, "Has anything been off the last few days?"

"What do you mean?" Alex asked.

Elliot sighed, clearly he was caving to the line of questioning, "Have you noticed anything or anyone out of place?"

Alex thought for a moment, "Charlie."

"What?" Olivia asked.

"Well, I thought I saw Charlie a few weeks back." She answered, her eyes went wide as she looked off into space. "He looked different. Off somehow..."

"Where were you?" Elliot probed.

"We were at the baseball fields in the park."

Olivia frowned. This didn't seem like Charlie, "Does he have a history of violence?"

"Not to my knowledge," she answered honestly.

Hearing a commotion down the hall, Alex's eyes went wide as a nurse ran from Casey's room. She could see her girlfriend's limp body on a gurney and blood.

Feeling weak in her knees, she choked out, "We need to call Casey's brother. He is a trauma surgeon..."

* * *

 _Casey sat in her office chair pressing her sore neck and shoulder muscles into the firm wood. She looked at the wall where her framed softball picture used to hang. Years ago she'd filled it in with pictures of her and the kids on a family trip to the Hamptons. Everyone had been there even Kim and Owen._

 _If you looked closely enough you could tell the difference between the couples. Owen and Kim were truly happy and in love. Not much could be said about her and Charlie. She wondered if everyone had seen through them..._

 _Hearing the footsteps behind her, she imagined Serena was back for another tongue lashing. It pissed her off that her friend would think she'd purposely attack Abbie's title. Didn't she know her better?_

 _Casey scoffed, "If it's you Rena go away. I got the memo already." Yet there was no answer, and a sound of something familiar._

 _Not getting an answer, Casey spun around just in time to see the bat swing down at her head. Some animalistic sound escaped her mouth as she blocked its connection with her arm..._

"Her blood pressure is rising and her heart rate is becoming erratic!" A doctor yelled to another.

"Check her responses," a voice entered Casey's head.

' _Responses,' she thought, 'I responded. I stood. Didn't I?'_

 _She pushed her chair back, the bat cracked when it hit the desk. Then it hit her again. She thought she was standing, but she couldn't be sure anymore. Why was there blood? So much blood..._

"Give her more sedation!" Someone ordered.

 _And the world went dark again._

* * *

Alex sat in a waiting room with Kim. Between crying, and ordering her squad to find answers she'd lost track of time...again. Her mouth felt as if it were filled with cotton. Picking up her almost empty water bottle she took another swig.

"What time is it?" She finally managed.

Kim rolled her neck and looked at her phone. "10:32. They should be finished soon," she paused to yawn, "as long as there haven't been any complications with the repair. Owen is a stickler for time. He will keep them on track."

"Do you know anything about placing pins in bones?" Alex asked.

She had been relieved earlier to discover that the worst of Casey's problems were a concussion from hitting her head on her desk, broken ribs, and a few broken bones, but then they said she needed surgery to repair them.

Her forearm had suffered a compound fracture during her attack. They figured from her other injuries that it was the initial one. Once they'd cleared her from any internal bleeding, they moved her to surgery.

"I'm sorry," Kim replied weakly, "I'm just the wife, and I probably don't listen as much as I should when Owen discusses his work."

Alex's eyes strayed from Kim as a brunette scrub clad doctor walked in front of the waiting room windows. "Isn't that one of Casey's doctors?"

"Yes."

Watching the doctor round the doorway, Alex held her breath. She expected positive news, but she was confused as to why Owen wasn't coming to give the news. "Mrs. Novak?" She said addressing Kim.

"Yes," Kim answered.

"My name is Dr. Shepherd, I'm a neurosurgeon and I've been assisting on your sister in law's surgery this evening with your husband, Dr. Novak."

"Yes."

"How is she doing?" Alex blurted. None of this was going at the speed she would like to receive information.

Dr. Shepherd pursed her lips, and shifted her weight. "I assisted in the repair of Casey's forearm. It went well, and is complete. We also sutured up her laceration to her leg and placed it into a brace to immobilize for the time being. She stayed stable throughout surgery. We are going to continue to watch her for internal bleeding though because her blood pressure was irregular during surgery. I'm also going to continue checking on her concussion and recovery. Dr. Novak is currently moving her into the recovery room. You should be able to see her soon, and pending no complications in the next 24 hours she should be able to go home."

Alex felt like her head was swimming with all the information. "So, she's okay?"

"Yes," Dr. Shepherd replied. "Dr. Novak is most concerned that a ligament might have torn in his sister's knee when she was struck, but we won't know for a few weeks until the swelling subsides. Right now, the MRI is clear though."

"Thank God," Kim replied as she hugged Alex.

Although, the doctors words hadn't made her feel that much better. She was happy to know Casey was going to be okay, but who had hurt her. Where were those answers?


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I was exhausted last night. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! And it's not too confusing. :)**

* * *

 **"I thought I saw the devil**

 **This morning**

 **Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue**

 **With the warning**

 **To help me see myself clearer**

 **I never meant to start a fire**

 **I never meant to make you bleed**

 **I'll be a better man today"**

 **I'll be Good by Jaymes Young**

* * *

 **9 hours earlier**

The fury that coursed through Serena began to ebb away as she retreated to her office. Two floors above the friend she'd just chastised, guilt started to set in. It wasn't Casey's fault that Jack wanted to move her. And Abbie had been on a losing streak.

Reaching her destination, she muttered, "Shit," and turned back to apologize.

Walking down the hall, back towards the elevators she decided to take the stairs. Taking her time, one by one she thought of exactly what to say. As she reached the landing to Casey's floor the door opened.

Smiling her usually bubbly smile, Serena said hello to the clearly confused woman. "Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for the restroom," the early forties brunette stated.

"Oh," Serena laughed, "Two more doors down," she crossed in front of the woman. "They keep saying they are going to update this place with signs."

Again, the woman smiled and corrected her path. As Serena continued her journey to her friends office she tried to figure out how to apologize without admitting she'd been a total ass.

Heading to the remote section of the floor that Sex Crimes was held in for privacy, Serena walked through Casey's usual open doorway. Instantly her brain was frozen in confusion.

"Case," she breathed almost silently. Her friends office was a wreck. Lamp on the floor, pictures smashed, desk marred, chair in the corner..."Oh my god! Casey!"

Her screams quickly filtered down the hallway. She wasn't even sure what she was yelling. Her only goal was to get help for her friend...

* * *

Walking into recovery, Alex's breath caught in her throat. Casey looked so weak. It was a complete contrast to the woman she was...

Feeling tears stream down her face, she walked up and took her right hand. "I'm here, Case. You are going to be okay," as she finished she looked to Owen for reassurance.

"She's going to be fine. She's a fighter," he confirmed. "I'm worried about her knee though. As long as a ligament didn't pop in the blow she'll be fine after physical therapy, but otherwise she'll have to undergo another surgery."

Alex looked Casey up and down. They had her arm in a temporary splint and leg in a splint, both were elevated. Her torso was wrapped and she had her thigh bandaged from where part of the broken bat had entered her leg. "Are you sure she's okay?"

"So far Doctor Shepherd has assured me her brain scans are normal, and she doesn't have any internal bleeding." Owen said as he looked over her chart again. "Listen, don't be fooled. These are her surface injuries. Her biggest injuries are going to be psychological. Her arm is going to have scars from being operated on and where the bone broke through the skin. Her thigh will have scars. But those will heal. Being attacked and actually recognizing a real fear for dying...that kind of stuff can destroy a person."

Alex had to sit down. She felt as if she was going to explode. The world was moving way too fast.

"Why...are...you two...so loud?" Casey mumbled.

Alex's head jerked so fast in Casey's direction she was afraid she'd pulled a muscle in her neck. "Hey babe."

"Hi," opening her eyes a little she asked, "how bad?"

"Broken bones." Owen answered as he squeezed her left foot. "That's all."

"Good." She mumbled before drifting back to sleep.

The confusion on Alex's face must have explained her thought process.

"She woke up a little bit ago." Owen tried to explain. "She knew she was in the hospital. She hasn't registered why yet."

Alex nodded meekly.

He took a breath before continuing, "I have them drugging her heavily. I don't want her coming to as quickly as she could. Her concussion wasn't severe, but I don't want trauma hitting to soon and aggravating it. I want her memory clear when she talks to the cops. I've seen too many victims..." with that he stopped and swallowed hard.

Alex took his hand, "I know what you mean...I'm happy she's peaceful right now."

"I just wish it would last." He agreed. "I'm going to go find out when we will be moving her into her room."

As he left Alex looked her girlfriend over again. She didn't know what to do or how to behave. She just wanted to make Casey well right now, and that wasn't an option...

* * *

"Alex," Olivia again tried to interject as her friend again began arguing. It was too early in the morning to be dealing with a crazed Alex, but she thought giving her some answers would help. Now, she realized she was wrong.

"Why haven't you charged him!" Alex yelled in the hallway outside of Casey's office. She was so mad she was shaking.

Olivia took a deep breath in. They were getting no where. The last time she'd seen Alex look this out of control was during the Barnett case. Getting tired of the merri-go-round, she shouted, "Alex, I can't arrest someone on a hunch!"

"I saw him!" Alex snapped right back pointing her finger out the hall.

Liv rubbed her forehead and turned away. Seeing his partners frustration, Elliot stepped up. "We've looked through all the video footage. Charlie isn't on the tapes. Not to mention, his attorney claims he isn't in New York."

"Alex," Liv again attempted, "You need to go home and get cleaned up. Then go be with Casey. Did you even sleep last night?"

Alex scoffed at the question, "How could I sleep? Look at what he did to her!"

"You can't prove he did anything! Nonetheless, put him at the scene of the crime," Elliot snapped before adding, "Go home, get cleaned up, and go visit Casey. We have collected evidence, and are scanning through the cameras, but until Casey is coherent enough to give us a statement we are at a standstill."

Alex stood with a blank expression on her face. She felt as if all the air had been knocked out of her. "I just want answers..."

"I know," Olivia whispered as she rubbed Alex's arm. "But we can't make them magically appear, and Casey needs you."

Alex shook her head and turned away from her hall. "I'll call you when Casey can talk."

Watching his ADA walk out of sight, Elliot stood in the doorway with Liv. They'd only cut the crime scene tape to show Alex the state of the room. He wasn't exactly sure why Casey was even left alive looking at the state of destruction.

"I just don't know why someone would do this," he said in a soft voice. "It's just rage filled...maybe Alex is right. Maybe it is Charlie. Look at the family pictures that are smashed."

As Elliot spoke Olivia's mind started running with his words, "You know El, you might be onto something..."

* * *

Walking across the old terrazzo of the first floor of the DA's office, Alex caught a look of shock from passerby's. She imagined they were wondering why she was present in the building, or possibly at her state of disarray. Her hair was in a messy ponytail, eyes bloodshot and swollen from crying all night, makeup smeared. To put it simply, she was a train wreck walking.

"Ms. Cabot!" She stopped moving forward as she heard Murray's deep southern voice break the whispers. Biting her lips, she swallowed hard and turned in his direction.

"Murray?" She choked out acknowledging his presence.

"Ms. Cabot," he began, "I know you and Ms. Novak are close. I...I heard what happened to her yesterday. Is she okay?"

Alex could feel her heart rate start to settle. Was she trying to blame this kind old gentleman for Casey's attack? Feeling a wave of guilt sweep through her, she softened. She knew he really loved Casey, and Casey thought of him like family.

Placing a gentle hand to his shoulder, she gave a weak smile. "She is okay, beat up pretty bad, but okay. When she gets home you should come by and see her. I know she'd appreciate that."

"Well, I couldn't intrude on her like that," he said bashfully. "I just wish I hadn't been off yesterday. Maybe I could have stopped it."

"Don't blame yourself," the blonde sympathized. "No one could have seen that coming, not you and not me...". As the last words left her mouth, Alex suddenly realized she needed to hear them for herself. She couldn't have stopped it either.

Parting with the kind old man, she broke into the cold wet morning air. She needed to go home and get cleaned up, but right now all she could think about was the kids. They'd been at home all yesterday with Rollins, then Kim and Rollins last night and this morning.

Hailing a cab, she climbed inside and asked to go to Casey's new address. She needed to be with family. She needed to be able to assure Casey that they were all okay when she asked.

Pulling out her phone, she text Amanda to let her know she'd be there shortly. As she put her phone back in her pocket her mind again began to drift. Watching the wet city streets pass by, Alex tried to focus on being strong for her girlfriend, but again she felt a wave of tears flood her eyes as a sob broke free. Why would someone hurt her? It just didn't make sense.

* * *

When she reached the apartment, she was met with hugs from Amanda and Kim. Kim had already been filled in by Owen, having left before being given permission to go back, she'd phoned as Alex was leaving.

Discovering that the kids were still sleeping, Alex went into Casey's bedroom to get cleaned up. She'd left some work out clothes behind the last time she spent the night, and Casey had joked about making her a drawer. The thought made her start crying again. Angrily wiping tears away, she gathered them before getting cleaned up.

After showering, she stood looking at herself in the mirror. She couldn't help but wonder how she could help her girlfriend. She could barely hold it together herself. How was she going to be able to support Casey?

Hearing a soft knock at the bathroom door, Alex turned her attention to its source. Opening it, she found Kate staring at her wide-eyed. "Hey kiddo."

"Hi," the usually fiery youngster replied in a mild tone.

Finding some inner strength, Alex knelt down, "How are you doing?"

Kate didn't hold back, she wrapped her arms around the blonde and began crying. "Is my mom going to live?"

"Oh, honey," Alex tried to soothe. "Your mama is okay. She just has some broken bones."

She still held on tight as she spoke, "What happened? I heard Aunt Kim and Manda talking..."

Alex let out a deep sigh as she filled with even more guilt. She thought it would be better for Kim to rest at home with the kids. Was she wrong? Pulling it together, she asked, "What did you hear?"

Now, Kate pushed back to look Alex in the eyes, "That someone hurt my mom. Is that true?"

Alex didn't want to lie, but she wasn't sure how much information to give. "Yes, that's true."

"Why? Why would someone want to hurt her?"

"I don't know," Alex admitted. "I really don't have a clue. But, I do know that we will find out."

"Will you please take me to see her?" Kate pleaded.

Now, Alex knew she was on rocky ground. If she said no, Kate would be crushed and probably even worse. But if she said yes, every other adult in Kate's life would probably be furious. Yet, the only person that mattered was Casey. How would she feel about it?

"I'll make you a deal," Alex negotiated, "Your mom is supposed to be coming home tomorrow morning, but if something changes with that I will take you to see her tonight. How's-"

"Deal!" The young girl interrupted.

"Good," Alex sighed as she stood up. "Now let's see if we can get your Aunt Kimmy to make breakfast!"

* * *

The next time Casey awoke, her head seemed to ache miserably. Along with her whole body. Trying to order her eyes open, she tried to place the pain. She felt like she'd been beaten with a...bat...

Taking a sharp breath in as memories began to re-emerge she felt a horrible burn spread throughout her chest. She'd been attacked. With her own bat. That bastard had broken her bat! Had broken it in to _her_.

"Case," Alex's sweet voice cut through her thoughts, "I'm here, you're okay."

Forcing her eyes to open, Casey found Alex sitting next to her. "I'm in pain," she grunted out.

"They are trying to ween you off the meds, so you can wake up and talk to Elliot and Liv," her girlfriend attempted to justify the lack of relief.

Taking a shaky breath in, Casey tried to assess the damage. Her chest was killing her along with her head. Her left arm was in a contraption and was wrapped, so was her right leg. She knew she was crying when she felt wetness rolling down her face.

Closing her eyes, she tried to force the memories to come. She needed to remember exactly what happened.

"Casey?" Alex asked in confusion. "Casey?"

 _Flashes went through her mind. A mask? No, a face...It was cold outside...It was something else...Bat-hit-arm...Then leg...Then chest...And that voice..._

Opening her eyes, she focused in on Alex through her streaming tears. "Call Liv. I know who did it."

* * *

Meanwhile, across town Olivia sat in front of a computer screen with Elliot. They'd spent the last two hours looking through footage for "something" as Liv had put it. Elliot sighed, "Do you even know what or who you are looking for?"

"I think I do, I'll just know it when I see it," she mumbled. "I just have a hunch about this..."

"Didn't we tell Alex we don't arrest based on hunches?" He snarked as Liv's phone rang.

"Keep looking," she said pulling her phone free. "Hopefully, this is about Casey."

As she answered the phone, Elliot flipped between frames. That's when he saw what Olivia had been looking for...


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: This chapter answers a lot of questions. Let me know what you think.**

* * *

 **"I cannot begin to even understand,**

 **Those tears there in your eyes,**

 **They took you by surprise.**

 **Nothing I could say could make it go away**

 **I know it's hard to sleep,**

 **You can lay your head on me.**

 **It's okay to cry.**

 **How can I let you know?**

 **I got love, I got you, love.**

 **I'll never go away, I'll never go away**

 **I got love, I got you, love**

 **I'll never go away, I'll never go away"**

 **I'll Never Go Away by Erin McCarley**

* * *

Natalie looked at herself in the mirror. The dark hair made her look like a completely different person. Maybe she could pretend to be someone else for a change...

* * *

Olivia stood in her wounded friend's hospital room. That's what Casey was, her friend. Not just her designated head ADA. Somewhere over the twelve years she'd become her friend, hell more like family. They'd been through so much together. And now she was responsible for arresting her friend's attacker.

"Casey," her voice sounded shakier than usual, "Alex said you remembered some details..."

Liv's timid voice stirred her into a coherent state, a place away from the pain. "Yes, I remember who did it. I can't remember all the details yet, but I remember who."

"Who attacked you?" Elliot asked.

"Natalie Hamilton," Casey choked out as she gestured to Alex to bring her a little water.

A nod was shared between the detectives as Casey drank. When she finished, she continued, "At first I thought she was wearing a mask, but it was her hair, it's..." she winced as her ribs clearly started to ache from the movement, "dark now...and a scarf...and her voice..."

A chill ran though her as she remembered the woman's words with each stroke of the bat.

"How'd it begin?" Elliot asked.

"I was facing the wall, just staring at pictures. I was swore from the batting cages and trying to relax...and I heard footsteps. I thought it was Serena, so I turned around. When I did I saw the bat coming down, so I blocked it with my arm..." looking down to her mangled limb, she muttered, "Some hit..."

* * *

Casey was relieved when Liv and Elliot left. She was worn out from drugs and injuries. She just wanted to go home and sleep. To wake up when the world was right again.

Alex watched Casey closely. The redhead seemed so lost. Taking her hand in her own, she squeezed lightly, "Can I get you anything?"

"You can take me home," Casey grumbled. "I just want to go home."

"I'll go ask," Alex answered before leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. When she did, she could feel her tense up underneath her, but then settle at the touch. Pulling back, Alex looked into those deep green eyes she loved, "If you need me to go slower just tell me."

Reaching up with her good hand, Casey brushed her fingers through Alex's blonde hair. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," Alex replied, before kissing her gently and walking out to find Owen.

Laying alone in her room, Casey closed her eyes. Although, it didn't take long for the nightmarish images to start replaying again. Feeling her heart rate speed up again, she began to sweat as memories of her arm breaking kept playing over and over in her mind.

Then Alex walked back in. A big smile on her face, and two paper cups in hand. "Dr. Shepherd says you can go home tomorrow morning if you feel like it. She'd like to cast your arm before you go though. So, she sending in antibiotics and pain killers."

Sitting down with a proud look on her face she added, "And, I brought you coffee!"

Not wanting to sleep, Casey adjusted her bed to sit up. "Thanks," she grumbled. "How am I supposed to get around? They are going to let me walk right?"

"I don't know exactly," Alex answered honestly, as she fixed the coffees.

Casey could see the blonde's hands were trembling. She'd been putting on such a strong act, that Casey hadn't taken a moment to think about how all of this had affected her. "How are you doing?"

Alex quickly stilled her hands and fixed her mask of strength. "I'm fine. I'm just worried about you."

"I'm glad you are a prosecutor," Casey snarked.

"Why is that?" She asked fixing her black framed glasses.

"Because you are a shitty liar," she scoffed, "You wouldn't have been a good defense attorney. You have to be shady like Jason Whitaker..."

Blowing on her coffee, Alex sat back, "You are right, I was lying. I'm having a hard time with this...with you being attacked."

"I'm glad you said something." The fiery redhead replied picking up her cup of coffee.

"I accused Charlie before we knew..."

Casey laughed a little, "He might be furious with me, but the man can't kill a bug. He'd settle to make my life miserable in court. Plus, he isn't back."

"I saw him." Alex deadpanned.

Attempting to face her girlfriend, Casey let out a loud whimper.

"Let me help," Alex said retrieving her coffee before it spilled, and helping her back down. Once the wave of pain passed, she passed the warm cup back. "I saw him at the softball fields about a couple of weeks ago. At least, I would have sworn under oath that I did. But before I could say anything he was gone, and I forgot about it. Until this..."

"It couldn't have been him," Casey sighed, "He would have taken me back to court already."

"I don't kno-" Alex attempted only to be interrupted by the nurse.

Moving to the window in the room, Alex looked out on the chaotic city. She really didn't think she was wrong in her sighting, but everyone had assured her in it. But the question remained...where was Charlie?

* * *

The detectives stood outside the mirrored glass window. You could hear a pin drop it was so silent. They all just stared at the woman responsible for hurting one of their own.

"She looks so small and gentle," Munch finally broke. "How was she capable of doing that much damage?"

"Rage," Olivia simply stated. "She hates Casey. She blames her for everything that happened to her family."

"Did she say that?" Abbie's firm Texan drawl cut through them.

"No," Cragen interjected, "she didn't and we need to remember that. Don't feed her words."

"Exactly my point," Abbie continued, "Whoever goes into that room needs to get the full story from her. I need sympathetic listeners. I need a full confession so we can enter a plea deal."

"Plea bargain?" Elliot snapped, "Why?"

"Because I don't want to have to put Casey on the stand," she continued. "Remember, she used Casey's own bat against her. We don't need her going through that. Hasn't she been through enough?"

"I'm out then," Elliot said walking from the room.

"I'll go," Amanda offered.

"Okay, that's one," Cragen agreed, "next?"

The other detectives were silent for a moment. No one wanted to let this woman slide with a lesser charge.

"I'll do it," Liv finally caved, "I brought her in, so she'll expect me in anyways."

With that the two detectives moved to enter the room. The lights in interrogation were bright and made Natalie's once blonde hair look almost black now. The forty year old woman looked up at them, her brown eyes were wide and expecting. She in no way looked threatening.

"Mrs. Hamilton," Detective Rollins began, "Can we get you anything before we start? A cup of water perhaps?"

"No," she replied, "I'm good. I just want to be finished with this already. I'm a little tired."

"Okay," Amanda said as she began recording, "For the record, we are recording this interview."

"Okay," the woman said with a nod.

Liv could see she was nervous. She needed to use it to her advantage. "So, we know you were at the District Attorney's office the other day."

Natalie's eyes darted up, "Oh?"

"Yes," Rollins picked up, "We saw you on the cameras. You visited ADA Novak's floor. You even spoke to another ADA in the stairwell there."

"Yes," Natalie admitted, "I was there. I went to talk to ADA Novak."

"How did the talk go?" Liv prompted in her gentle victim voice.

"Not well," Natalie answered as she clasped her hands together. "I was so mad at her. I kept thinking of what to say the whole way to her office. I planned to tell her about how my kids are living with their grandparents now because they've been ostracized at school. And how I get hounded by people wherever I go. About how I can't even list my house. I honestly intended to ask her how she sleeps at night after destroying the innocent members in a family."

She paused and looked up sternly at them. "But then I got there. Made it to her open door and she was relaxing in her chair. She was looking at her family pictures on the wall, as if nothing mattered in the world. All I could see was red, in that moment, I wanted her dead for ruining my life. And I saw a bat..."

Suddenly, this woman's persona had changed from innocent and charming to wicked. Liv was speechless. However, Rollins grabbed the reins, "What did you do?"

"I picked it up," she said with a little cackle, "Tested it's weight and moved in. I would have taken her out in the first blow had she not turned around."

She looked down at her nails messing with the acrylic material. "If I'm going to jail, do you think they will let me have my nails removed. They are a bitch when they grow out."

Olivia felt her own rage build up inside her. This woman was clearly mentally unstable. How she'd managed this long was beside her.

"What happened when Ms. Novak turned around?" Amanda continued to probe.

"Oh," Natalie picked up, "I smashed the bat into her arm. It was a terrible break. Bones came out and all. So, I was going to try again, but then she moved her chair. I hit the desk instead and jarred my shoulder. After that I hit her in the legs. I heard her talking before court one day about playing ball. I figured I could take that away if I couldn't kill her, but part of the bat broke. And that bitch was still trying to get up," she laughed.

"She had bones sticking out of her arm, part of a bat in her leg and she was still trying to get up. Finally I hit her hard in the ribs and she must have hit her head because she didn't get up after that. Then I destroyed all those happy family pictures. If I can't be happy anymore, she can't either." Taking a breath, she added, "Did she die? I truly hope she lived."

"Why?" Detective Rollins asked.

"Because I'd like to see if I won. I made a bit of a game with it." The glint in the woman's eyes was almost pure evil.

* * *

Casey worked her way down the hallway of her new apartment building. Despite her new arm cast and leg brace, she was adamant about getting around on her own. She had to in order to keep her mind sane.

Luckily, her doctors had prescribed plenty of pain killers to help her get by until the worst of the pain passed. And thankfully she had Alex's help. She knew the blonde would soon be required to return to work, but at least if Charlie was still gone she'd have Rosita's help.

"Casey, are you sure you don't need a break?" Kim asked tentatively.

"Nah, I can see the door," she replied through gritted teeth. In all honesty, she wanted to scream from the pain radiating from her arm. Yet, she had to keep it together for her kids.

Letting her mind wander as the crutches creaked below her, Casey thought ahead to the final two softball games. The commissioner of the league had moved last week's game to the end of next week. He felt bad for Casey's situation. It was a kind gesture, but now she felt obligated to attend both. She wouldn't be coaching, but could at least be present. Reaching the door, she let out a sigh of relief.

"Let me get the door," Kim said as she moved to unlock it. "Alex and Owen should be back in about twenty minutes. He just text to say the pharmacy is almost finished.

"Great," she mumbled trying to sound happy. All she really wanted to do was lie down.

As the door slid open, she heard two little squeals of happiness fill the air. Instantly, a genuine smile spread across her face. "Hey kiddos!"

"Mommy!" Danny squealed jumping up and down.

"Mom," Kate rushed to hug her, but paused.

Seeing the hesitation, Casey quickly soothed, "You can hug me, just be easy and hug my leg on the left side."

Both kids approached with caution, but the moment they clutched onto her she knew they didn't want to let go. It was an amazing feeling.

Shortly after Kim and Rosita had Casey settled into the bed, Alex arrived home with her medicine. Taking a good dose of Percocet and her next dose of antibiotics, Casey soon felt sleep starting to take her. She didn't want to sleep, honestly she was becoming afraid of it.

"Mom," Kate's voice cut through her thoughts.

"What's up?" She tried to focus through the narcotics.

"I heard they caught the person that hurt you."

Casey's lips pressed into a line as she nodded in acknowledgment. "They did."

"So, you are safe now?"

"Yeah, baby, I'm safe now." She conveyed.

Kate quickly crawled up on her bed and gave her a gentle hug and kiss before leaving. When she exited the room, Alex replaced her, closing the door behind.

"Hey beautiful," the blonde said with a sweet smile.

Casey looked her girlfriend up and down. Alex had it mixed up. She was the beautiful one. Here she stood with her hair in a ponytail, black glasses on, an old Harvard zip up sweat jacket and grey yoga pants, and she looked stunning.

"You've got that all wrong," Casey coughed. "I should be telling you how gorgeous you are."

Alex smiled as she sat on the edge of the bed. "You are too good to me." Leaning forward she kissed Casey gently. She wanted so much more, but she knew there was no reason in making them both uncomfortable. Pulling back, she continued, "We need to figure out your care arrangements. Owen and Kim are headed back to D.C. in the morning, so Rosita is going to return then to take the kids to school. McCoy gave me another week off-"

"Can you stay here?" Casey interrupted. "I know we've been trying to keep sleep overs to a minimum..." she started to tear up. Swallowing hard, she forced her them away. "I just don't want to be alone at night. I need you, Alex."

The blonde nodded in understanding, "Then I will be here. As long as you need me. How about I let you rest, and I go get a bag of stuff now?"

"Okay," she forced out. She knew the faster Alex left, the quicker she'd return. "I love you."

"I love you too," Alex replied kissing her once more before leaving.

Heading out of the apartment, Alex had to wonder how all of this would impact her girlfriend in the long run. How would she handle it? Would she suffer from trauma? She supposed only time would tell.

* * *

By the time she returned to Casey's, it was almost dinner time. Kim and Owen were in the kitchen cooking, and the kids were playing upstairs. It looked like a beautiful happy family and she was happy to feel apart of it.

"I see you made it back in time," Owen chuckled. "Tell my sister we are getting her a grill for Christmas."

"Sure will," she smiled, "I'm going to set my stuff down and check on her."

Walking into the bedroom, she found Casey sitting up in bed. "Hey babe," she said as she turned on the lights. "Are you feeling okay?"

Once the lights were on she could see that Casey had been crying. "Baby, what is it?"

"I can't sleep," she cried. "Every time I do I hear her awful voice, and I see the bat."

Alex held her as gently as she could, "I'm so sorry. I'm here now. I'll help you sleep, we can ask Owen if you can take a Xanax with the Percocet. We can ask George for help too."

"I just need you," she cried. "I can't sleep alone. When I'm alone they come."

"Okay, Okay," Alex soothed, "I've got you. I've got you."

Holding the trembling redhead she knew her words were true. She had Casey and she never intended to let her go.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I am excited for this chapter. I hope you all enjoy too!**

* * *

 **"Distance, timing,**

 **Breakdown, fighting**

 **Silence,**

 **Train runs off its tracks**

 **Kiss me, try to fix it,**

 **Could you just try to listen?**

 **Hang up, give up...**

 **For the life of us we can't get back.**

 **A beautiful magic love affair,**

 **What a sad beautiful tragic love affair..."**

 **Sad Beautiful Tragic by Taylor Swift**

* * *

 **December**

 _The bat swung fast through the air, and as it did Casey moved her arm in front of her head just in time. A crack rang out and a hot substance splattered her face. Then came the worst sound yet..._

" _Strike one!," Natalie's voice rang out. "Batter up..."_

"What is it you are thinking?" Dr. Huang's voice reclaimed her mind.

"I'm thinking about her fucked up game," Casey admitted. "That's what she called it, a game. Turning my favorite pastime into her sick twisted attack."

"So," George continued, "Is that what's happening in your dreams? _Her_ game?"

"Yes. She's hitting me with the bat and discussing it like it's a baseball game," Casey answered flatly. The thought caused a chill to spread through her.

"What do you want to achieve through EMDR therapy?" He questioned.

Casey stared at the psychiatrist she'd worked along side for years. She'd read the pamphlet on this type of trauma therapy. She knew it was all apart of the healing process, naming her goals, but she still wasn't amused. "I want to not have panick attacks at my daughters softball games. I want to be able to sleep at night. I want to have the whole ordeal be a far off memory."

"Then let's get started," he said.

* * *

Alex stood in the kitchen of Casey's apartment rereading the recipe she was failing to create. She wanted tonight to be special for her as she returned home from her appointment with George. And for some reason cooking seemed to fit with that wonderful welcome home. She didn't know what she'd been thinking.

Tossing the cookbook on the counter, Alex stared at the lamb chops. "You evil deliciousness," she grumbled as she picked up the thing the store clerk had promised her was called a 'zester.' "Why do you have to be so damn difficult to cook."

Hearing the wind against the windows, Alex stole a moment to look outside to the cold December world. The sight instantly put a smile on her face. The weather had been bitter, and the clouds screamed of an oncoming snow storm. It had been years since she'd seen the white fluffy powder, and to be honest she'd missed it terribly after the third year. She knew she'd be happy having a white Christmas this year.

Hearing a knock, she set the lemon and zester on the counter, quickly heading to the door. Opening it, she came face to face with Rosita and the kids. "Is the tree here yet?" Danny squealed.

"Not yet," Alex informed, "Did you find the lights?"

"Yes!" Rosita answered, "And then Miss Kate and Master Daniel found another 20 ornaments that they just had to have."

"Oh," the blonde replied giving the children wide eyes. "Well, if the tree topples over I'm blaming you two!"

The two kids laughed at her before insisting she sit down to see every one they'd purchased. Once she finished looking them over, she sent them upstairs to get cleaned up. Yet before she could return to the devilish lamb another knock sounded through the door.

"Ms. Alex," the nanny began in a sympathetic tone, "Would you like me to assist in the kitchen while you get the tree men taken care of?"

Alex was sure her smile gave her away completely, but she attempted to not seem totally useless as a chef. "That would be wonderful. Thank you."

Letting the men inside, she helped them get the tree settled in the right spot and tipped them graciously. Afterwards, she swept up the fallen needles and began the meticulous job of fixing the lights to the tree. It was a bittersweet process.

Many years ago before her mother's death she would help her with the lights. It was something they'd take precious time doing, ensuring every light was placed properly. So, when the kids to come down to help, Alex didn't hesitate to let them help. They were so engrossed in their work, they didn't hear the door open again.

"Well, this is a nice surprise," Casey's smooth voice carried across the room.

Hearing her lovers voice, she couldn't help but smile. Alex knew that tone. It was more of her Casey, not the suffering version she'd become accustomed to over the last six weeks. Turning around that's exactly what she saw, _her_ Casey.

The redhead was wearing a bright smile and there was a genuine glint of happiness in her eyes. Physically, she still had wounds. Her arm was still casted, and her leg was now in a brace that was designed for walking, but Casey, _her_ Casey, seemed to have returned.

She knew it might be a fleeting moment, but she was so happy to see her beaming grin. Not able to hold back, Alex walked to her and kissed her softly 'hello.' Casey beamed against the blonde's lips, before whispering, "Hi."

"Hi," Alex whispered before quickly kissing her once more.

"So, Mom," Kate began with a twirl, "Do you like it?"

"I love it," she replied, "it looks beautiful."

"Do you want to decorate it with us?" Danny asked as he stood on the step stool.

"Absolutely," she laughed as she brushed some hair from the little one's eyes.

"I'm going to let you take over for a moment," Alex quietly relayed, "I'm going to check on the food."

As she moved into the kitchen area and bid Rosita a farewell for the evening, she watched Casey and the kids laugh and smile over Christmas ornaments. It was a beautiful sight. Especially seeing Casey in a chair with Danny on her lap looking at a Batman ornament. She must have felt Alex's eyes on her, because she looked up, locking green with blue and flashed a grin that made Alex go weak in the knees.

Deep inside Alex knew the sudden relaxed version she was seeing of the redhead might fade away in the next few days. George had warned her about the temporary effects, and how he'd have to meet with Casey weekly until she was again able to cope on her own. However, in this moment she was simply enjoying having the carefree version of her girlfriend.

Since Casey's attack, she'd spent every night with her. Holding her, helping her to feel safe. While it had been therapeutic for Casey, Alex didn't want it to stop. She wanted to spend her life with Casey, and the sooner the better. They'd spent ten years apart, wanting the whole time to be together. She didn't see why they should have to wait any longer.

With that mindset, she'd snuck out of work earlier that day, and over to the family jeweler to have her mother's engagement ring cleaned up. She was fortunate to not have to have it resized as her mother's ring size was the same as Casey's. And now the stunning ring sat in a box hidden away in the closet. Her grande plan was to propose on Christmas Eve.

"You are mighty deep in thought," the redhead's voice caught her off guard.

Looking up from the salad she was busy fixing Alex laughed, "Guilty as charged."

"What are you busy thinking about?"

"Ha," the blonde laughed as she tossed the salad, "I'm not sharing," leaning in close, she whispered, "it's about your Christmas present."

"Ah," Casey hummed, "Well, then keep on. But before you zone out again, will you put the star on top of the tree? I can't step up on a stool yet."

"Absolutely," Alex said as she ran over to the tree and picked Danny up so he could place it.

The kids were laughing, Christmas music was playing, and everything felt right in Casey's world. She watched her family glow with happiness. Everything seemed to be going right at this particular moment. And in that moment, she knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted to marry Alex Cabot.

Mentally, she knew she sounded insane, but she didn't care. They were finally together, and she knew nothing could change the way she felt. She loved her and that was all that mattered.

* * *

As the evening wound down, and the kids were in bed, Alex and Casey sat wrapped in each other's arms on the couch. They had soft Christmas tunes playing in the background and were admiring their first tree together. It was just the two of them and what remained of the wine.

"So..." Alex whispered, "You seem very relaxed this evening."

"Mmm," Casey hummed as she snuggled closer, "I actually feel somewhat calm for a change."

Kissing her girlfriend's head, Alex whispered, "I'm glad."

Looking back towards the tree, Alex's eye caught something white piling up on the window pane. Forgetting about what Casey had been saying she jumped up and ran to the light switch, flicking it on, to notice white fluffy powder coming down at a rapid rate. "It's snowing!"

Opening the door to the patio, a cold blast struck her hard as she escaped into the alabaster downfall. Her feet crunching happily below her, she held out her arms allowing herself to be overtaken in nature's beauty.

Casey stood leaning into the doorframe watching the woman she adored act like a child seeing snow for the first time. The silly sight seemed to fill her heart with even more love for the blonde.

Walking to her side, Casey pulled her close, kissing her softly, relishing the feel of Alex's lips against hers. As they parted, she whispered, "I love you Alexandra. I don't ever want to be apart again."

Taking a moment to lock green eyes with blue, she continued, "I want every holiday, every snowfall, burnt dinners, fights over who stole the sheets more..." she paused to compose herself as tears began to slip from her eyes.

Alex stared at the beautiful redhead, the snow highlighting her hair, and she knew this was her perfect opportunity. "Marry me," she whispered, "it's not as grand a proposal as I had planned, but Casey please marry me. I want all those things too, and I am every bit as happy with you as I dreamt I could be all those years we were apart, so please marry me."

As realization set in, Casey stopped dabbing her eyes. "What? Did you?"

"Marry me."

"Yes," she whispered, "Yes, I will marry you!"

Alex pulled her close, kissing her passionately, letting her hands roam and not caring about onlookers. When they finally parted, she whispered, "Come with me."

Leading her back inside, Alex took her to their bedroom, leaving her bedside while she retrieved her mother's ring. Returning she explained, "When Uncle Bill gave me this ring back, I knew I wanted it to be yours."

Casey was speechless at the selfless gesture. Holding out her hand, she watched as Alex slid the stunning ring onto her finger. It was a two carat cushion cut diamond with a halo of tiny diamonds decorating it. Not to mention, the hand carved detailing along the band was even more stunning cleaned.

Looking back to Alex, she again found herself falling into a passionate kiss. Somewhere along the way clothes were lost, and soon mouths began exploring each other. Only when Alex's mouth connected with her aching center did her mind come back into focus.

She relished the feeling of Alex's hands cupping her breasts as her tongue worked lazy circles around her swollen clit. Casey couldn't control the soft moans and gasps escaping her as she begged for more. "Please," she finally audibly pleaded.

Alex smiled against her willing partner, moving one hand between the redhead's legs, and the other to help her gain better purchase. Slipping two fingers in to her slick folds easily, Alex found that sweet spot and quickly began flicking her tongue over Casey's hard bud. It didn't take long for the redhead to become a trembling mess beneath her, pants and moans filling the bedroom as she begged for release. Hooking her fingers it didn't take long for Casey to come undone.

Helping her down from ecstasy, Alex kissed her way back up the redhead. As soon as she'd caught her breath, Casey helped Alex position herself over her mouth. Holding onto the back of the headboard, Alex looked down at Casey with anticipation. She nearly came getting Casey off, she didn't think it would take much to send her over the edge.

Watching Casey lick her lips before moving in to capture her rock hard clit, sent another rush of heat to Alex's center. She was throbbing when Casey took the swollen nub into her mouth, with each flick of her tongue Alex could feel herself moving faster and faster to her breaking point. Holding onto the headboard with a death grip, she felt like she would break in two as her orgasm ripped through her.

When she finally came down from her high, she looked down to the wide eyed redhead. "That was hot."

Laughing, Alex fell down on the bed next to her fiancé. "Yeah, I guess that's what six weeks without sex can accomplish."

Pulling Alex into her arms, Casey sighed, "I suppose."

Lying in silence for a bit waiting for their hearts to settle and breath to catch, Casey began to think about their upcoming nuptials. "Alex..."

"Yes."

"I want to get married as soon as possible." Casey breathed, "I don't want to wait. If this whole ordeal has taught me anything it's nothing good comes from waiting."

Alex thought the redhead's words over, "Then let's elope."

* * *

Charlie opened the door to the old yellow cab. The musty smell making him cringe in disgust, however, after his flight he was happy to be on land again. Sitting back he instructed the driver of his new destination.

"Take me to 80 Columbus Circle."

He was more than ready to be home.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: I loved seeing all the reviews from the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one as well. It took me a little bit to smooth out the kinks. Let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **"But you couldn't wait**

 **I couldn't promise you anything**

 **If it was all a mistake**

 **Then I guess we're both to blame**

 **I could have been**

 **So many things**

 **But it would never be enough for you**

 **I was the one**

 **You counted on**

 **But I was never the one for you**

 **Now I know, I lost you a long time ago"**

 **A Long Time Ago by First Aid Kit**

* * *

Charlie lounged back in one of the leather chairs in his attorney's office. He wasn't happy with his legal counsel at this current juncture. To put it simply, he wasn't happy with much.

Watching the older man walk in the office, he launched his reprimand, "Now, Bruce you aren't doing so hot today. First, you lose the case I provided you, then you keep me waiting for 30 minutes."

Bruce Coffey sighed, "Charlie, you knew that custody case was thrown the moment you didn't come back to the US."

Charlie scowled as he watched the man sit. "I beg to differ. My whore of an ex-wife has barely been around to see the two children she birthed grow to their current ages. How does four months of forced parenthood make her a winning parent?"

"It wins out over a parent that is out of the country," Bruce snapped. "Plus, you are now in a worse predicament. You took two more months to come back!"

He paused to ponder his attorney's words. "That was out of my control," he affirmed.

"Was it Charlie?" Bruce deadpanned.

"Of course!"

"You don't look well," the brave man continued to pry.

"I'm fine," He snapped before calming himself. "Now, how am I going to get my kids back."

Bruce sat up. He was happy to be past the difficult part. "We will petition the courts for a new custody hearing. I am suggesting we ask for a 50/50 split."

"50/50!" Charlie yelled as he stood to pace the room, "what about 70/30?"

"You want to give Casey 70 percent custody?"

"No, I want it," he clarified.

Bruce shook his head, "You aren't going to get it. Not now, not ever. In light of everything that has occurred in the last few months no judge will give Casey less than 50 percent custody. Hell, if she asked for full she'd probably be granted it."

"What are you talking about?" Charlie asked as he stood in front of Bruce.

Shaking his head, Bruce sighed, "You should sit down Charlie, you've missed a lot..."

* * *

"So," Alex began as she put on her eyeliner. "Who do we want to marry us?"

Casey was busy doing her leg strengthening exercises while her fiancé prepared for work. She hadn't yet returned to her job since the attack, she'd taken Jack up on his offering to do so after the new year. She had a funny feeling they were renovating the whole space. "Well, if your Uncle Bill is in France why don't we see if Donnelly or Preston can do it?"

"Aw, I love Lois, and she is partly responsible for our being together. I'll call her on the way to work if you are game." The blonde gushed as she fixed her glasses to complete her look.

Standing Casey took in the image of the woman she loved, "You look breathtaking." Pulling the blonde into her arms she kissed her gently as to not mess up her handiwork.

"Thank you babe," Alex whispered, before turning to fetch her shoes. "So, we are good with Preston?"

"Yeah, if she's available Thursday evening," the redhead answered as she turned on the shower. "I've got Rosita setup to watch the kids while we sneak off to Martha's Vineyard for the weekend."

"Great," Alex said standing in the doorway. "Now, we just have to figure out outfits and how to tell the kids."

Casey groaned as she stepped into the spray. She was finally cast free, but her arm was still sensitive to everything. Regaining control, she replied, "The first part should be easy as pie, but I'm not sure about the last."

"We will just take it a day at a time," Alex replied touching the shower door. "I have to go."

"I love you," Casey laughed as Alex kissed the door goodbye. Blowing her fiancé one in return, she added, "Maybe I can meet you for lunch at the courthouse."

"Only if you feel 100 percent up to it!" Alex cautioned with an optimistic smile. She didn't want Casey overdoing it, but at the same time she was ready to share lunch with her lover again.

"I promise to try and not overdo it today." The redhead smirked.

Taking relief in that knowledge Alex blew one last kiss and vacated the room. As she quickly gathered her belongings and left the house for work she began to realize Casey's home felt like a real _home_. And it was where she really wanted to live. Maybe it was time to put her place on the market.

* * *

Casey drove toward the courthouse along the busy New York City streets. Her seat heater was on its highest setting, and the heater was pumping hard. To call the outside a frozen tundra would be an accurate description.

She'd gone dress shopping after taking the kids to school, and was en route to meet Alex for lunch. The dress was exactly what she wanted. It was a champagne color cut from a stretchy crepe for a crisp look with a comfy feel. The best parts were the long sleeves, and bateau neckline so she could be comfortable during their flight to Martha's Vineyard since they didn't plan to change before leaving.

Suddenly her cellphone began to ring, breaking her from wedding thoughts. Seeing an unfamiliar number, she pressed the button on the dash and answered, "This is Novak."

"Casey, it's Kim."

"What number are you calling from?" She pried turning a corner towards the courthouse.

"My secretary's line. I've got news."

"Regarding?"

"Custody," Kim stated quickly, "Charlie is back and I have a court hearing request for January 3rd. He wants 50/50 custody. It worked!"

Casey was silent but her mind was moving a million miles an hour. "He's back. For how long?"

"I don't know," her sister in law continued, "But did you hear the part regarding 50/50 custody?"

Casey frowned as she thought her words over. Turning into the parking garage, she questioned, "Yes, but is it wrong if I don't think he deserves 50/50 now?"

"Why is that?"

"It's been months since he has talked to his kids! I'm just concerned and I guess hurt at the same time." As she parked her car, she sighed, "It's just anger."

"Well," Kim chuckled, "You know what that means."

"Yes, I do." Casey checked the time, then continued, "I'm meeting Alex, so I am going to have to cut this short, but are you coming on Thursday?"

"We almost have it all worked out to come. I'm good, Owen is just trying to move surgeries around."

"Perfect," Casey replied. "Let me know when you know."

"Will do. Talk to you later," Kim said ending the call.

As Casey climbed from the car, she was shocked by her conversation. She just didn't know what to expect from her ex's return. To be honest, she'd missed Charlie, but she was also angry at his flat out refusal to be a dad to their children the last few months. Now, she just had to fill Alex in on all the new information. Hopefully, the blonde could help her sort out her emotions.

* * *

Later that evening, Casey sat on the floor of her bedroom stretching out her right leg. She'd been lucky in not tearing a ligament during her attack, but the swelling, muscle weakness and cramping were still a painful experience. She knew overtime it would pass, but she was ready for it to go away.

As she finished her one minute count down, she lay back on the cool herring bone wood floors. Looking out the dark skylight windows she pondered over her and Alex's earlier conversations. They were both aware that Charlie's return could present problems for them, but at the same time they hoped he would be a little more accepting of the new normal.

The new normal, that thought also brought her to recognize that she needed to come clean to Kate. It was better for her kids to know sooner than later that their mother was getting remarried. She just wasn't ready for World War III.

Hearing a soft knock at the door, Casey shook her head clear as she called out a, "Come in!"

Watching the door open, she noticed Kate enter. Sitting up as her daughter neared, she smiled. "What's up kiddo?"

"I wanted to come see you." The young girl said moving to sit next to her mother on the floor. "How is your leg?"

Casey pursed her lips taking her daughter in. Kate has been much more clingy since her attack which everyone said was normal, but she'd also been affected by the lack of contact with her father. Oftentimes, the redhead caught herself wondering just how much these last few months would impact her children.

"It's good," she finally answered, "Sore, but doing better. I am able to go most of the day without the brace now."

"I'm glad to hear that," Kate replied with a small smile, as she began to play with her mother's hand. However, her fingers quickly stilled over the engagement ring, "What's this?"

"It's a ring Alex gave me," Casey answered honestly as her heartbeat started to accelerate. "She asked me to marry her."

"And you are?"

"Yes."

The young girl stared into her mother's eyes. Casey saw the look of confusion and hurt muddled together in her daughter's brow line. "How do you feel about that?"

Kate bit her lip as she looked towards the bedroom door, as if she wanted to insure she wouldn't be overheard. "I don't know. When are you getting married?"

Now Casey didn't want to be honest. She wanted to lie, but knew she couldn't. Not to Kate. Swallowing thickly, she took the plunge, "Thursday evening."

"This Thursday?" Kate asked with a loud squeak.

"Yes," the redhead answered, "We figured after everything we deserved to just be happy. Nothing is going to change for you. Life will continue as it has the last six weeks, with Alex living here."

Casey could see the anger building behind her daughter's eyes. Finally the young girl gave an exasperated, "Fine," as she pushed back and stood.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Casey asked.

"What is there to talk about?" Kate scoffed as she walked to the door. "Do you want me to send Danny in?"

"Sure," she answered. She figured she might as well have both children resent her at once.

Watching her child leave the room she knew she'd need to double check with Alex that she didn't mind moving into her apartment. The blonde had briefly mentioned it at lunch, but it wasn't a permanent decision. Hearing the door open, she was relieved to see the woman she loved.

"I'm guessing you told her?" Alex clarified.

"Yeah," she answered. "By the way, I hope you were serious earlier when you said my apartment felt like home. I may have said you were moving in."

The blonde laughed, "Yes, I am fine with that." Sitting down next to the redhead she continued, "If we need to postpone we can."

"No," Casey assured before kissing her fiancé, "I've wanted this for too long."

Looking at her beautiful soon to be wife, Alex felt as if her breath had been taken away. Casey had changed with age just like she had, but the years had only made her even more stunning. Her hair was a shade lighter, longer and full. Her skin was just as creamy and inviting. And her smile could stop you dead in your tracks.

"Good," Alex whispered, "Because I can't wait."

Leaning in she kissed her, grinning into the kiss, they soon started laughing. Casey wasted no time before pulling Alex onto the ground with her. Both were chuckling like silly kids when the children walked into the room.

Kate stood in the doorway watching her mother with the blonde woman. She'd never heard her mother laugh this much. At least, not before Alex Cabot has come into their lives. She had to wonder if maybe the version of her mother that she loved was purely due to the presence of this woman...


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I hope you enjoy this chapter. I put a lot of work into the planning and development. Let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **"And maybe someday we will meet**

 **And maybe talk, and not just speak**

 **Don't buy the promises, cause**

 **There are no promises I keep**

 **And my reflection troubles me**

 **So here I go..."**

 **Same Mistake by James Blunt**

* * *

Alex sucked in a deep breath looking herself over in the mirror of the courthouse bathroom. She still wasn't sure how much she loved her dress, but her pickiness had cost her time to look. Sighing in final submission, she turned to her best friend. "Is it okay?"

Abbie couldn't help but laugh, "Yes, Cabot, it's fine." Noticing the blonde's eyes go wide, she quickly course corrected, "You know I suck with my words sometimes! It's beautiful. You look beautiful."

Again, turning in the mirror to see every angle, she caved, "So, Casey will think I look beautiful?"

"Yes," Abbie answered moving behind her friend to still her. Looking into the mirror with Alex, she continued, "She is going to notice how gorgeous her bride is and want to run away with her."

Finally, cheering up, she continued, "I can't wait to see her. Can we go now?"

"Soon," Abbie replied, "Rena will-"

"It's time!" The younger feisty blonde interrupted as she burst through the bathroom door, "Let's go!"

As she walked down the hallway, Alex's hands began to tremble with nerves. She was so ready for this moment, but was overwhelmed by anxiety. Thoughts of whether or not they were rushing into things began to overrun her mind until she saw _her_.

Her fiancé was breathtaking. Her long red hair had curls laced through it, and her champagne color dress fit her perfectly. Alex truly thought she looked like an angel.

* * *

Casey's stomach was full of butterflies as she left her bathroom and headed towards the courtroom. She wasn't sure what to think at this exact moment. She didn't think she had 'cold feet,' but suddenly she found herself wondering if she was being selfish running into marriage.

Then she spotted Alex.

Taking in the sight of her beautiful bride she gasped. Her hair was lightly curled at the ends, and she wore a floor length ivory v-neck sleeveless dress in a lace material. It highlighted her figure beautifully. She honestly didn't know if she'd ever seen the blonde look so stunning.

* * *

"Dearly beloved," Judge Preston began, standing in the center of the candlelit courtroom. "We are gathered here today to marry two of my favorite ADA's..."

The laughter and fake wails of disapproval from their friends and family made both brides radiate with happiness. Preston didn't miss her opportunity to lean in close and whisper, "The funny part is they think I'm teasing!"

Finally as the group of gathered confidants quieted, the elder judge continued, "So, today we have all come together for the marriage of Alexandra Elizabeth Cabot and Casey Diane Novak."

Their friends didn't hesitate to cheer in support. As Preston gave a joking, "Quiet in the court."

"Yes, quiet," Alex added with a playful smirk as she looked out on the group, "We have a plane to catch!"

"Now," Lois continued, "I have had the pleasure of knowing these two for many years, and I evidently had the pleasure of presiding over the case that brought them together. So, it is my pleasure to be the one to wed them today. But before we get to the vows I want you two to understand marriage is meant for only people who truly know love. Love is the magic inside us that lets us feel butterflies in our stomach's when we bump into someone we fancy. It's what drives us to sometimes make reckless and rash decisions. It's what after years pulls us back together like magnets. And in the end it is what saves us from ourselves."

Taking a hand from each woman, she continued, "I truly believe you two have real true love. Don't ever let it get away from you."

Casey could feel her hands trembling, but as Lois placed them into Alex's they stilled. Holding onto the woman she loved, she felt confidence surge through her. Looking into her blue eyes, she felt as if she could achieve anything.

Everything moved so fast as they exchanged their vows and rings, only when Lois announced, "I now pronounce you, wife and wife," did her mind catch back up.

"You may now kiss your bride!"

Leaning in Casey captured Alex's lips in her own. The kiss was soft and sensual and the small crowd erupted in happy exultation. It was a nice change for the courtroom.

When they finally parted, Lois belted, "I am happy to introduce you to Mrs. Cabot and Mrs. Novak!"

Looking out on their friends and family, Casey and Alex were greeted with smiles from everyone except Kate...

* * *

Three nights later, the happy couple found themselves riding down beautiful New England streets lined with Christmas lights and decorations in a horse drawn carriage. Snuggled up together, they admired how the whole village looked as if it belonged in a catalogue. It was astonishingly fantastic.

"I could move to a place like this one day," Casey sighed.

"Really?"

"Yes," she answered as she perked up a little in her seat and looked at her wife, "You know, have a little house where Kate and Danny could come with their spouses and kids."

Grinning at the redhead, Alex shook her head. "I never would have taken you for wanting to live in a small town in your old age."

"Is that bad?"

"Not at all," Alex whispered pulling Casey close, "I can't wait to have that future with you."

* * *

Driving through the busy New York City streets with Alex as they returned home from their short three night honeymoon Casey found herself longing to return to The Vineyard. Looking out on the bustle of people moving about the cold wet boroughs she began to miss the calm and cleanliness of Massachusetts.

"You're mighty quiet," Alex broke her reverie.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Casey acknowledged looking towards her wife. "I'm just missing The Vineyard."

"Hmm, what about it?"

"The quiet. The cleanliness. The," she paused to think over her next words carefully, "the safety of it. I just felt safe there."

"Now, that I understand," Alex said turning towards home.

Continuing in silence for a bit, Casey thought over the wedding and the last few days. Everything had felt perfect. The only part that stood amiss was Kate's sullen face. "I wonder how Kate will be when we return."

"I imagine she'll still be unhappy with the situation, but I'd expect that no matter how much time had passed since the divorce. She's strong and opinionated like you. She will eventually adjust."

Casey stared at Alex's calm demeanor. "How can you be so sure?"

Alex took a deep breath in as she figured out an answer. Reaching it as she pulled into the garage for their building, she continued, "I can't be. I'm making my best educated guess. I have taken what I know about Kate, and what I know about you, mixed those two things up and developed my hopefully right answer."

"Next time tell me not to ask," Casey grumbled as they parked. "I think that made me feel less assured."

The two quickly exited the car, and made their way to the lift. Only once they were inside, Casey noticed an unusually familiar smell. One she hadn't smelled in a long time. She just couldn't place it.

"What's wrong?" Alex questioned as she noticed the redhead's face scrunch up.

"I smell something familiar," she replied still fighting her memories. Suddenly it hit, "Charlie."

"What?" Alex questioned in disbelief.

"I'm telling you it's his cologne!" She argued digging through her purse for her phone. "I know his smell. That's it. He's here."

"But why?"

"Maybe he's trying to take the kids? I don't know." Finally, finding it, Casey cursed, "Shit, Rosita called 10 minutes ago."

Feeling the elevator slow, Alex tried to soothe, "We will know what's going on in a minute."

As the lift stopped and the doors opened, Casey tried to run, but her knee quickly gave out on her. Falling into Alex's arms, she caved and took a moment to check her leg before resuming walking. As they rounded the corner, she saw him.

He was standing in their doorway, the kids around him, and he was arguing with Rosita.

"They are my kids if their mother isn't home, then they should be with me," Charlie stated calmly.

"Mr. Charlie, I can't let them go with you," the Hispanic nanny tried to relay, spotting Casey she relaxed, "Here is Ms. Casey, she will explain!"

With that, Danny tore off down the hallway to her, as Charlie turned only to scowl the moment he saw Alex. Hugging her son, Casey looked at her ex. "Why don't we take this inside so we don't bother the neighbors?"

"I wasn't invited in," he replied, "Now that I have been, I will happily enter."

Rosita shook her head in frustration as she herded the kids inside and quickly upstairs to take baths. Alex took their bags and set them on the bed. She didn't want to leave Casey alone for this discussion.

Watching her ex-husband look around her new apartment, Casey suddenly felt as if she were under a high powered microscope. "Why are you here? We have a court date in 14 days."

"I know," he replied, "And that's too long. I want to be with my kids now."

"Tough!" She spat, "Where have you been the last few months? You couldn't even make it back for our first court date. Not to mention you tried to take almost all custody from me."

"So, now I'm being punished?"

"No, Charlie, it's called this is what happens when you fail to appear to a custody hearing." She fired back, "Maybe you should try calling your kids for a change. It's time for you to go."

As she walked past him and towards the door, Charlie reached out, "Wait, Case," and caught her by the wrist.

"Let go of me!" She screamed as she turned and slapped him.

Everything was silent. Alex's eyes were wide as she quickly walked in his direction. Kate came running down the stairs, and suddenly the foggy world came back into focus for Casey.

"Oh my God," she whispered.

Charlie held the hand he had touched Casey with to his sore face. Looking up to his horrified ex-wife, who now had their daughter wrapped around her waist, he realized just how much he'd missed. Swallowing thickly he righted himself.

"I'm sorry," he began. "Bruce told me what happened. I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she lied.

"Kate," Alex intruded, "Everything is fine. Will you go check to see how far Danny is in bath time? Then once you have both finished up, you can come downstairs and say good night."

The young girl reluctantly left only after Casey assured her that she was fine. Once she was back upstairs, Casey addressed Charlie again. "I just got the cast off a little over a week ago."

"It's okay," he continued, "I've been hit harder."

"Would you like an ice pack?" Alex offered.

"No," he said walking towards the door, "I need to be going," however, as he reached it he paused and turned slowly in Casey's direction, "it's Christmas. If possible, I'd love to see the kids for at least a day before court if you are okay with it. I won't show up unannounced again. And I will call them every day. I just had somethings going on."

"I'll call you tomorrow," she caved. "We can work out an arrangement."

He smiled and gave her a nod as he left the apartment. Casey couldn't move, she was frozen in space watching Alex walk up and lock the door behind him. Only when her wife turned to her did she break down.

"I hit him!" She confessed amid sobs, "What if that had been you or the kids?"

"It wasn't, and it was an accident," Alex said holding her tight. "It's a side effect of the PTSD. It will pass."

Casey tried to take calming breaths, she tried to focus on her meditation spot, but nothing seemed to work. Finally, Alex led her to the bedroom to lie down and take her anxiety medicine. It was only when Alex walked out that she spotted Kate sitting at the top of the stairs staring at her.

The look the young girl gave her said she'd witnessed it all...


End file.
